Distorted Reality
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Highschool is hard enough without the added strain of a walking time bomb in the halls. When tragedy strikes, it leaves life blurry and hard to swallow. How do you know what's real when what's real and what's not teethers a rather thin line?
1. Chapter 1

**K, so here we go  
again. Yet another messed up fic. It's definitely nothing like anything I have  
written yet. Which is saying a lot considering I have wrote quite a few  
variations and messed up plotlines/ pairings….lol**

**Anywho this is completely in Rose's POV and will NOT deviate from that. If this**  
**is received well enough I will do a counterpart of sorts all in Bpov and maybe**  
**some Epov.**

**Lastly this will  
alternate after the basic storyline is complete from past and present.**

**Read, enjoy and  
most of all show some love!**

**Nickleback : S.E.X**

**You know there's a  
dirty word**

Never gonna say it first

No, it's just a thought

That never crosses my mind

**Maybe in the  
parking lot**

Better bring your friend along

Better rock together

Than just one at a time

**S is for the  
simplety**

E is for the ecstasy

X is just to mark the spot

'Cause that's the one you really want

**Chapter 1**

**June 1994**

**Rose's POV**

"So, have you  
thought about what you want to wear for graduation?"

"No, Bella. Not  
really. Does it really matter anyway? I don't know why I'm even going?"

"Because, Rose…  
you are my best friend. You love me and owe me; so you're going to come and you  
are going to put on a big bright smile and pretend you're happy. And maybe…  
just _maybe,_ for once, you can act like a normal teenage girl. Got  
it?"

I shook my head in  
amazement. Bella had me and she knew it. I did owe her. In fact I owed that  
girl my life. She had been my rock since junior high and still was. She was my  
one constant. The 'thing' that was always there. Always with me, no matter how  
badly I fucked up or how stupid I behaved. She was the 'Starsky' to my 'Hutch'._  
My best friend._

"Fine, I'll  
go," I huffed in irritation. Bella just smiled knowingly at me. I hated it  
when she did that. It's like she always knew. Knew how to push my buttons; knew  
how to get me to cave. Not that it would have taken much anyway. There was nothing  
I wouldn't do for her.

"Great, I have to  
get some shoes, still. We can pick out your dress then too. Tomorrow night six  
o'clock. I'll pick you up."

I groaned audibly,

earning me a glare from Bella. I hated driving in her beat-up old truck and she  
knew it. Bella said I was being prejudiced 'cause it was rusty, old and nowhere  
as pretty as the cars the other kids were driving these days. She was right,  
but honestly that wasn't the reason I hated driving it. That huge hunking beast  
scared the living shit out of me. It clunked and clattered all the wrong way.  
The doors squeaked and the heat didn't work and you had to double pump the  
clutch to even get it to move. To sum it all up; _it was a death trap on  
wheels._

"You know, if you  
hadn't got caught smoking in the bathroom, you would have taken Drivers Ed with  
the rest of us; and then you could get your mommy dearest to buy you a sweet  
car. I'd even let you drive my sorry butt around for awhile. But… _you_  
had to be all rebellious and go get yourself in crap. So forgive me if I don't  
feel sorry for you."

I growled. _Literally_.  
I hated it when she got all high and mighty with me. Perfect fucking Bella,  
with her perfect GPA, perfect attitude and perfect little family. She had it  
all, everything a girl could ask for. Well… _almost_. She had amazingly  
supportive parents, her Mom was a nurse at the local hospital here in forks and  
her Dad was the chief of police. Her family wasn't rich by any means, but they  
lived comfortably and they were a happy family. She got good grades, hell she  
got amazing grades. Always going that extra mile; doing extra work and  
projects. Joining different teams and supporting a variety of causes. She went  
to church every Sunday and swore God had spoken to her once. She believed in  
saving her virginity for marriage, for the man she'd give her heart away to.  
Spend the rest of her life with and have dozens of babies and live in a cute  
little house with a huge front porch and a swing. Summed up; _Bella Swan was  
a simple girl with simple values and an amazing heart._

"Edward Masen  
asked me to the movies," she giggled. _What_?

"What? And you  
didn't tell me?"

"He just asked  
during last period. I'm telling you now," she rolled her eyes at me and  
skipped ahead of me down the hall. I watched her with my eyes, the sway of her  
hips, the bob of her hair, the skip in her footing, the huge smile on her face  
as she turned to look at me; her eyes shiny, full of excitement and life. She  
was the poster child of happiness. And all because Edward Masen, the school's  
male version of her, the object of many nights' conversations and the one guy  
she had been holding out for, had finally asked her out.

She believed in true  
love and soul mates. She believed everyone had that perfect someone out there  
waiting for them, the one person who could complete you, turn your world upside  
down with just a smile, the one who could make you melt just by holding your  
hand, that perfect somebody who would understand what you were trying to say  
even when no words were exchanged. And she believed Edward Masen to be that  
somebody for her.

"So you said  
'yes', obviously. When are you going?" I asked, pretending to be  
interested, kind of. I mean I loved her, so of course I wanted her to be happy,  
but I also wanted _me_ to be happy and I wasn't. Far from it actually. But  
I was one hell of an actress and if you asked anyone at school they'd tell you  
I was the happiest emo-ist girl around.

"Tomorrow  
night," she squealed childishly and suddenly I was back in junior high and  
we had just got our first tickets to our first concert ever. We were fourteen  
and we were going to see 'New Kids on the Block', we even bought posters of  
Joey, the dreamiest boy in the band with full intentions of getting him to  
profess his undying love to us via scrawled writing on said posters. We  
squealed for hours, bouncing around on her bed and hugging stuffed pillows  
shaped as Joey and Jordan. Life was good back then, life was easy.

"Well, I should  
give you some pointers then," I started, smiling like a hyena, "Wear  
something _revealing_, but not too revealing. You've gotta leave something  
to the imagination. Men love soft sensual perfume, nothing too gaudy, just a  
hint of feminism. Oh… and men love it when you nibble on their earlobes-"

"Rose!"  
Bella's eye were practically popping out of their sockets, I had to bite my  
tongue so I wouldn't burst out in hysterical laughter. Did I forget to mention,  
Bella Swan was also a prude.

"What? All I'm  
saying is you gotta give a little to get a little or a lot depending on the  
guy, of course." I pushed, obviously playing with her and enjoying the  
dark crimson her cheeks were now sporting.

"You're such a  
horn dog," Bella shot back, glaring at me and shaking her head.

"Yep, I _am_  
and you love me, so shut up and take some advice, sister. At least let the poor  
guy get to first base. Give him a taste of your secret lady garden; a reason to  
come back." I scolded her the way a mother might scold their child, it was  
priceless and it was funny. _It was us._

"If you're  
referring to kissing… well, I might just allow him to," Bella said  
followed by a dreamy sigh, "But only chastely and no tongue or grinding or  
any of that sick crap I see you doing with your… ummm… boyfriends?" Her  
sentence trailed off and I could tell she was uncomfortable. She never liked  
talking about my conquests and was never sure how to categorize them or what to  
call them. Boyfriends? No! Lovers? Maybe. Friends? Never! Play toys? _Probably_.  
I preferred to call them my something special to fill the void. The void of  
whatever the hell was missing from me. That empty spot deep inside that I had  
no clue how to fill and the only time I truly felt that hole might come close  
to filling, was when one of my many bedmates were plunged as deeply as possible  
inside of me, whispering words of forever and love and want. _Lies_… but  
they did the job none-the-less and I craved it like an addict craved crack.  
When I was tired of one man or more accurately they were tired of me, I found  
my next fix in the shape and form of any decent looking man with half a brain  
in his thick head.

I was seventeen and  
had already slept with half the male population at Forks High. Well, half the  
decent looking ones at least. I wasn't that desperate as to sleep with any Tom,  
Dick or Harry. I had some standards. My current conquest, interest, 'fix' was  
Emmett McCarty. He was a bit older than me. Seven years older than me to be  
exact and looked like sex and steroids all wrapped into one. He was tall,  
likely six foot five with the body of a quarter back. Huge broad shoulders, a  
six pack with a few extra ripples. I know this because I eye-fucked him from  
across the room the first time I saw him at the gym which my mother and her  
friends went to one day. She called and asked me to bring down her pretty  
"happy" pills one day; saying she had to go out right after the gym  
and didn't have time to come back to the house to get them herself. Which in Marion  
language (that's my Mom's name by the way, Marion Eva Hale.) meant, 'I'm about  
ready to have another of my  
–your-father-left-me-for-some-cheap-blond-floozy-with-fake-tits-and-a-real-bad-hair-do  
panic attacks and need my fucking pills, like now and I don't have the balls to  
set foot in the house we built together before he left me to fulfill some sick  
middle aged fantasy about fucking a girl his daughters age'. Ever since I laid  
eyes on his sweat glistening abs, his cocky little grin, his twinkling, mischievous  
eyes, his curly, damp hair and those amazing fucking childish dimples, I knew…  
I knew he would be my next fix. And he was; oh, was he ever.

As Bella prattled on,  
my mind drifted back to the day I finally built up the nerve to talk to Emmett  
McCarty.

"Oh, I'm so  
sorry." I spluttered as I eyed the huge, dark and wet spot now staining  
Emmett's once insanely white Puma shirt.

"Hell, you should  
be. This shirt cost me sixty bucks, shit!" My eyes widened at his  
vulgarity and rudeness. I was no stranger to blunt men, but never had I  
encountered one quite so rude and never had one ever given me such a filthy  
look.

"Fuck! I said  
'I'm sorry'. Don't have a canipshit or anything, dude!" I bellowed,  
switching into defensive mode. I mean I get it, he is seriously fucking  
gorgeous and there is nothing I wanted more, mere moments before, than to take  
him right here and right now. Patrons be damned. But there was that little  
bitch still somewhat coherent in me, even with his delicious scent frazzling my  
senses and making me feel like my legs were made of melting rubber.

"Ya know what?  
How 'bout you let me buy you a drink and we'll call it even?" He asked  
suddenly, a huge smile breaking out on his face; bright white teeth and  
dimples. I shook my head in confusion. How does one go from being a complete  
ass monkey to sexy and suave in the blink of the eye?

"Ummm…  
okay." I mumbled as he turned to the girl behind the counter and ordered  
me another drink before leading me to a secluded table with a reserved sign  
placed on it in the back of the faintly lit room.

We talked about  
everything. We talked about nothing.

I liked his laugh. He  
liked my legs. I was floored when I found out he had his own place, thus in my  
mind making sex with him so much easier to accomplish. He was floored when he  
found out I was seventeen. Apparently, he had a bit of a fixation on younger  
girls in naughty school uniforms.

That very day he  
brought me to his home and spanked me like the naughty girl I was.

"Fuck, Rose, your  
tits are so fucking soft and firm at the same time. I can't get enough of  
them." Emmett growled as he swirled his tongue around one nipple and  
pinched the other just a bit too hard. I yelped in pleasure and pain; the two  
mixing together and leaving me in a cloud of fuck-tastic lust and want.

I moaned and writhed  
as his fingers played me perfectly. As if somehow his hands knew my body, had  
memorized it – were made for it.

"Please,  
Emmett," I panted, looking down at him as he finished lapping up my  
juices. My legs were quivering from the intense oral orgasm he had just given  
me. My heart thumping erratically, my walls clenching as the last of my orgasm  
fled me. "Fuck me." Emmett growled before grabbing my hands and  
holding them tightly together above my head. I felt him at my entrance, his  
thick head pushing into my soft lips. There was nothing sweet about it; nothing  
gentle. No warning what so ever before he thrust deeply into me. I gasped in  
both pleasure and pain once again. My eyes tearing up as I felt him tear me  
from the inside.

I could vaguely make  
out the music playing in the other room over Emmett's grunts, groans and  
whispered lies.

_I wanna fuck you  
like an animal._

_I wanna feel you  
from the inside._

How appropriate I  
thought as I felt heat take over my body, my legs began vibrating and my back  
arching. "Oh, fuck yes!" I screamed out as Emmett continued to rail  
my body relentlessly.

"Oh fuck. So  
tight. Fuck!" Emmett roared as he spilt his seed in side of me before  
crushing me to the bed with his enormous body.

Moments later… and I _do_  
mean _moments_. He pulled out of me and rolled over and off the bed.

"That was  
possibly the best fuck I've had in a long time. And I must say… I am not  
opposed to doing it again. But right now I am expecting some people, so if you  
don't mind. Can you get dressed and leave before they get here?" I watched  
him dress as his words sunk in. My body going rigid. My mind shutting down. The  
tiger was back and in full out defensive mode once again.

I jumped off the bed,  
pulled my skirt up and threw my shirt on, buttoning it up without looking at it  
and likely missing half the buttons along the way. But I could care-_less_  
in that moment for all I saw was red.

I threw my backpack  
over my shoulder and stormed over to the door, "You're a fucking ass; you  
know that!" I spat as I spun and darted out of the room and out of his  
apartment. Walking briskly through the cold drizzle that had started, not  
stopping once till I had reached the safety of my room – my sanctuary, before I  
collapsed on my bed and like the pathetic fool I was, broke down bawling like a  
little fucking baby.

**So what cha think?  
Boring? Good? Bad? Fuckalicious? To continue or not to continue….. I got this  
idea from an amazing movie I watched, so, I can't take all the credit, but I do  
think I switched some shizz up. **

**Reviewers get to  
smack some sense into sexy but cocky Assmmett…hehe…**

**Once again I find  
myself thanking my fucktastic beta TwiDi. She has been a huge support as I  
worked my way through this cahp. Luv ya **


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge shout out to Rosette-Cullen. Her love for Otep kinda inspired this chapter. So thanks girly!**

**Otep: Jonestown**

**And I remember the smell and the pain and the shame...  
And I remember being afraid and thinking every day,  
Every single day... that it was my fault...**

Oh, but what happened to that little girl?  
Who used to dream of one day ruling the world,  
Who used to draw pretty pictures in my room---beneath the moon  
Destroying to create  
Softly praying to "God"

**Chapter 2**

**Rose's POV**

**June 1994**

I was sitting in class, listening to Mr. Banner prattle on a little too excitedly about the female skeleton which the school had just recently acquired.

I didn't pay attention as he explained how he knew the skeletal remains were in fact a _female's _one. What I did pay attention to, however, was when he told us that it appeared to be that she had died at about seventeen years old and had already bared a child. Apparently, they knew this because of the way her hips were set and where her pelvic bone now sat.

I don't know why this bit of information intrigued me so much. Maybe I was comforted by the fact that even thousands of years ago young girls were just as promiscuous as me, or maybe it was the fact that it made me feel better knowing even though I was a floozy, I had never to get pregnant; and sadly enough I felt good knowing I was at least better off than the 'Skelton girl'.

"But… at risk of getting reprimanded by the school board, I will stop the chuckles now…" Mr. Banner's now booming voice tore through my thoughts. I looked around and noticed many guys snickering; and vaguely heard murmured words like 'slut' and 'easy'. "This young girl, here, was likely raped. Not only is her pelvic bone set further apart and her hips much further set, but if you look closely, right here, here and here…" He continued, pointing at a few different places along the skeleton.

"You can see cracked ribs and what once were… _broken_ _bones_. Unfortunately, up until not too long ago, young women were sold for sex; and traded for what the men of that time considered other 'more useful' commodities. So, this was just a way of life back then." By the time Mr. Banner had finished the whole room was silent, even Tyler Crowley the school jerk-off had no smart aleck remark about that. I was glad. Her story haunted me, hurt me, reached deep inside and tore at me. We were kindred spirits. We had lived a similar hell. The only difference between us was that I was the only one who had survived to live with the aftermath of my nightmare.

_**3 years earlier, Summer of 1991…**_

"Hey, Rosie, Some of my out-of-town business associates are coming over for a few drinks and some poker. So, can you be 'oh so sweet' as to either hang out up in your room or find something to do?" My father asked as he put case after case of beer away in the bar fridge that he kept in the garage for occasions just like this.

"Sure, Dad. Bella's coming over anyways. Maybe we'll just hang at the beach for a bit and give you boys some alone time." I giggled and winked. I turned and made my way into the house, my father's laughter fading behind me. He was such a kid sometimes. I loved it. I loved him. And I was more than willing to give him this time to unwind. My mother was out of town on one of her many girly shopping trips and for once my Dad seemed to be trying to enjoy the peace and quiet that came with her absence. He deserved this. And I was more than willing to give him this time to himself; away from Mom's screaming and nagging. Away from Mom's drinking and accusations. Away from the responsibilities that came with being a Dad. Some time for him to just be _him_.

~~~oo~~~

"Hey, Bella, what do you want to be when you get older?" I asked as I kicked at the hot sand beneath my bare feet.

We were at the beach at La Push, just a few minutes' walk from my house and for once it was rather nice outside. The sun had shown its beautiful forbidden face and even stayed long enough to warm the air and dry the grass. We had our swim suits on but had yet to test the temperature of the water. It was almost dinner time though; a time we had come to learn on days like these was when you'd find the water at its prime. Luke warm along the top and only mildly chilly along the bottom.

"I don't know. I think I want to be a writer, then I can stay at home and take care of the kids and tend to my husband; and still have my little escape and to help pay for the bills." I laughed, I couldn't help it. She looked so serious. She always was that way about life. She took nothing for granted and always railed me about reveling in each day and moment just in case they were your very last.

Wise words from a very smart girl. I never listened to her though, never took those words to heart. I was a carefree spirit and enjoyed life too much to pay attention to the finer points that came with it.

"Well, Miss smarty pants, what is it you want to be?" she hissed, obviously finding my giggles to be my way of making fun of her.

"Don't be like that, Bells. You know I love you and respect your dreams and desires," I cooed, playfully nudging her in the side, "Even the ones that include Mr. Sex hair." That got her attention. Her eyes widened and she tried to cover her face up with a veil of her hair, but not before I noticed the light shade of pinkish-red creeping up her neck.

"You just can't go a day without getting at least one poke in at me can you?" Bella asked as she pulled her hair back and up, piling loosely on her head and twisting a pony tail messily into it.

I didn't answer; my mischievous smile was more than answer enough.

"I want to be a model," I finally answered dreamily, "Living in California and living 'the life'. Traveling, wearing expensive clothes and never having to worry about being alone."

"You know you're not alone now, right?" Bella asked, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly.

"Yeah, I guess I'm not. When all else fails me, you're still here at the end of the day." I smiled softly at her. Both comforted in those words and pained. I knew she would always be there for me, but lately an intense dreadful feeling had been creeping up on me. This feeling that all who I loved would someday _soon_, leave me.

"We should head back, my Mom is likely climbing the walls wondering when I will be back," Bella said only half-joking. Her Mother was kind of high strung that way. Always wanted to know Bella was somewhere 'Mommy' approved. Once we had gone back to her house six minutes past her curfew and he Mom shit bricks. Spouting things such as rape, kidnapping and illegal activities. I mean seriously, wasn't she over doing it a wee bit. What the hell did she think was honestly going to happen in those six minutes that wouldn't have happened before them?

"Okay," I agreed and hopped up out of the sand, wiping my bottom and clasping her hand in mine, swaying them back and forth playfully.

We walked back to my house in silence. Just enjoying the soft wind wiping by us and the comfort of being together.

"See you tomorrow," I called over my shoulder as I ascended the stairs to my front door as Bella's waving form was already disappearing into the darkness of the drive.

The house was quiet when I walked in and kicked my shoes off. I made a quick survey of the mess of bottles and cans scattered throughout the main floor and quickly went about collecting them all up into a box.

I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and turned it on. The quiet humming and soft drizzle of water the only thing to be heard throughout the house. I found two men sprawled out on each of the couches in the living room and presumed my Dad was upstairs snoring away his drunkenness in his own bed.

When everything was clean I grabbed the overflowing box of empties and went out to the garage the put them away in the original boxes. I stopped at the door as an odd tingly feeling surged through me. I felt like I was being watched. I quickly scanned the open area before me and of course it was empty but I knew this already. My imagination must be playing with me again. Too many scary movies late at night alone would do that shit to ya!

I was just about to put the last of the glass beer bottles into their cases when I felt hands on my hips. I gasped and spun around, finding myself face to face with a tall, well-built guy with long wavy blond hair and crystal blue eyes. "Oh my God, you scared the crap out of me," I yelped. Just noticing that he was in a suit and tie and realizing he was likely one of my Dad's co-workers.

"Oh, I'm sure that wasn't my intention," he drawled in a husky voice as I squirmed uncomfortably beneath his intense gaze. I watched his eyes and saw the way they darkened as he soaked in every inch of my barely covered body that was still only wearing the two-piece bikini and dark denim skirt from my trip to the beach earlier.

I wiggled out of his grasp and edged towards the door. "Sorry if I woke you. I'll just be going to bed now," I whispered as I spun and dashed for the door, suddenly very aware of the huge bulge in his pants and scared shitless of what that may imply.

Before I even hit the step, the large man was in front of me. Peering down at me with a disturbing grimace on his twisted face. His eyes were pitch-black, his top lip curled under. My body trembled in fear as his nostrils flared and his breathing became shallow and labored.

"Why are you running, doll-face?" He purred as he shoved his hand under my chin and jerked it up swiftly, "We're going to have _so_ much fun. Don't you want to have fun with me?"

My throat constricted painfully, as tears streamed down my cheeks, some pooling at my quivering lips. I couldn't speak… could barely breathe. I shook my head vigorously.

"Aww… well isn't that too bad… I had hoped you would be smart enough to make this easier on yourself… and _me_."

I felt his fingers slid out from under my chin and trail down my neck, stopping at my shoulders, he grabbed me roughly and jerked my body towards his.

I yelped out as his fingers dug deeply into my soft flesh, "Please… please _don't_ do this…" I blubbered, tears still blurring my vision and making him look like the evil person he was, instead of the respectable man he appeared to be on the outside.

"Please… please… oh, fucking _shut_ _up_. What do you expect from poor innocent men? Honestly… answer me!" His voice remained low, but the disgust and anger was clearly there.

I didn't understand the question; wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. He shook me roughly, my head bobbling from side to side from the force of his jostles.

"I… I don't understand. I didn't do anything," I whimpered pathetically.

I heard him growl just moments before his fist came slamming into my jaw. I tasted the blood before the reality that he had hit me actually settled in, "You prance about in barely these clothes and don't think men will notice? Fuck you, slut! You're getting the kind of attention you were asking for - _begging_ for."

I crumpled to the ground as his grip loosened on my arms and I spit out a huge mouthful of blood and felt something hard slip past my lips. I squinted at the small pool of red on the floor beside me and felt my whole body begin trembling violently, my tooth… I was looking at my tooth on the floor.

I started screaming hysterically, praying someone would hear me, hoping it would be enough to scare the psychotic man away, but the moment the first scream escaped me I felt a brute force to my stomach that took every last breath away from me.

Gasping and crying I begged for the strength to stay conscious, begged for the pain to cease.

Many hits to the face, head and stomach later when my prayers came true, well… _one_ of them. I lost all feeling; I was numb staring up at the demon through swollen eyes. All emotions were gone from me. I laid before the monster and let him do what he came to do. Waiting for him to either be done torturing me; leaving me broken and defeated on the floor or to kill me.

"Oh, baby girl, you're going to feel so good, so tight. I can't wait to rip you in half. I bet you're even still a virgin." His words barely registered with my mind teetering on the edge of consciousness.

I felt him tug at my bathing suit bottoms, felt him smack me against my bare thigh. I felt it all… yet nothing registered. It was almost like being there but not being there. Knowing what was happening, but not quite understanding.

I felt his hot breath fan across my face, causing me to gag. He licked the side of my face and tugged my head to the side by my hair.

I could hear the jingle of his belt buckle, feel him writhing above me. And then in the flash of mere seconds I felt a burning pain, my insides were on fire, pain shooting in all directions; all leading from my crotch.

"Hey, Rose, you down here? I forgot… _what the hell?_!" Somewhere in the pain-induced fog, I could hear Bella. I began to panic. I couldn't let him hurt her too. _Run, Bella, run_. I screamed in my head but the words wouldn't leave my lips.

"Oh, look… _another_ toy. How convenient. And you're so fucking cute too." _His _voice floated through the small area. I heard Bella yelp, a small scuffle and a soft sob.

My heart tore, the fog began to lift. The feeling in my limbs came back instantly as a rush of something I had never felt before coursed through me, igniting an anger; a ferocity I had never known I was capable of feeling.

The room remained blurry as I stumbled to my feet. I could vaguely make out two forms in front of me; Bella pleading with him to stop.

Apparently the slimy creature was too engrossed and fixated on his newest victim that he didn't hear me slowly moving towards him. I grabbed a beer bottle that I passed and continued forward, nothing tentative about my steps this time. I came up behind him, could see the fear in Bella's eyes and did the only thing I could think of. I raised the bottle as high as my weary arms would go and brought the bottle down on the back of his head.

"What the hell is going on out here? Rose it's kind of late to have friends over don't you… Oh my God! ROSE! BELLA!"

~~~oo~~~

The bell ringing caused me to jump in my seat and back to into the present.

"Rose, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." Bella asked softly as she sat opposite me in the now empty seat. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the disgusting memories and felt a solitary tear slide down my cheek. I swiped it with the back of my hand and gathered my books. Smiling as brightly as I could muster I looked at Bella's worried face, "I'm fine… now that you're here." And with that I grabbed her hand and trotted out of the room. Leaving the painful memories behind in the classroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Seether : Fake it**

**Who's to know if your soul will fade at all,**

**The one you sold to fool the world.**

**You lost your self esteem along the way.**

**Yeah.**

**Good God, You're coming up with reasons.**

**Good God, You're dragging it out.**

**Good God, it's the changing of the seasons.**

**I feel so raped.**

**SO FOLLOW ME DOWN.**

**And just fake it, if you're out of direction.**

**Fake it, if you don't belong here.**

**Fake it, if you feel like infection .**

**Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite.**

**Chapter 3**

**Rose's POV**

**June 1994**

Bella picked me up for school the next morning… _as usual_. Have I mentioned that it _sucked_ _royally_ that I'd have to wait till next year to take Driver's Ed? _Well, it does._

"Hey, Rose! Cute outfit," Bella called as I swayed down the driveway in a skin-tight pair of dark denim jeans, a tight halter covered by a light pink sheer blouse and a pair of fuck-me-now four inch pumps.

"Not _exactly_ the word I was hoping for, Bella," I joked as I slid into the passenger's seat of her cozy, little red Honda Civic. If I had gotten my license I would surely have gotten a car with much more muscle, something along the lines of a Mustang or a Charger. Heck! I'd even settle for a Hot Rod. Something I could tinker with in my spare time. I secretly had a dream of becoming an auto mechanic, not one that solely fixed cars, but one that supped them up and pushed them to their limits. A stock car racer didn't seem like such a bad idea either. I could be the first woman to ever show those men just who could bring that shit. I could show the world I was something more than just a pretty face and a sweet piece of ass.

We tossed questions back and forth for the Biology test we both had this morning. Psyching ourselves up and preparing for the first of _many_ last tests of the year. With only three weeks left of the school year; classes for the rest of the week would be riddled with tests and pop quizzes. I, _personally_, couldn't fathom why. I mean… didn't the teachers already have our grades submitted for our report cards? So, honestly what could they do if we bombed these last tests? Or, hell, didn't even bother showing up for that matter?

"What did the teacher say about the strongest muscle?" Bella asked, looking perplexed and ready to have a panic attack.

"The heart," I murmured as my breath caught in my throat, for some reason that tidbit of apparent truth disturbed me more than I would ever admit and I wasn't sure why.

"Is it just me or does Michael Newton look creepier than normal today?" I felt a shiver run through me at Bella's words. Mike Newton was possibly the scariest, darkest boy I had even encountered and that, coming from _me,_ said a lot.

He had attended school with us since Junior high as well. Always a loner and always spouting bullshit about one day making us all pay. He was the object of many pranks and humiliating moments. The bigger kids always picked on him. The beautiful, popular girls always brushed him off in 'not so nice' ways. I tried once to be nice to him. In Ninth grade, I had stood at my locker, frustratingly rifling through loose papers trying to find my History assignment that I stupidly just tossed in there the day before as I left school. And with minutes till the bell would ring, I was frantic and hot tempered and feeling a little like a fucking moron for being so careless with something I obviously needed. When Mike came stumbling down the hall followed closely by Tyler Crowley, the school jock and resident jack ass. "What's the matter, punk? Can't you stand on your own two feet?" Tyler sneered as he shoved a whimpering Mike to floor roughly.

I watched momentarily, wanting to just stay out of it. It wasn't my business anyways; maybe Mike had done something to piss Crowley off and really deserved to be picked on. _But that wasn't likely._

I turned my attention back to my locker swiftly when Mike's desperate sad gaze locked with mine. I heard a loud whack and a low grunt and decided 'fuck it'.

"Don't you have anything better to do, Crowley, than pick on little fucking twerps that can't defend themselves?" I hissed through clenched teeth. I saw Mike flinch at my choice of words, but didn't care. He should just be happy I was helping his sorry, creepy ass at all.

"What's it to ya, princess?" Crowley drawled with a cocky grin.

I thought fast and said the only thing I could think of, _'y__ou so owe me Newton'_, I thought darkly as I opened my mouth and said words I never thought I would, "It just fucking bothers me… and I mean really… why _bother_ with the likes of him when you could be over here kissing the likes of me." I said in what I hoped to be a seductive, sexy voice. I batted my lashes and watched as Crowley glanced back and forth between Mike and me, before kicking Mike soundly in the side and stepping over him and pulling me to him with a sneer and licking his lips. I could vaguely see Mike scurrying down the hall with a slight limp and disappearing through the side door as Tyler's huge, wet lips engulfed mine. _So fucking gross!_

~~~oo~~~

"Hell, he always looks and acts creepy. Come on, let's just get inside before we're late." I snickered as we weaved through the sea of bodies now crowding the front steps.

"I have to go the washroom quickly."

I groaned, "Bella, we're going to be _late_."

"Like that has ever mattered to you before," She deadpanned. _Smart ass!_

"Touché!" I smirked and followed her into the girls' room.

"So, how are things between you and Masen?"

"I hate it when you call him that. His name is 'Edward'." Bella growled, she actually growled at me. Temperamental much?

"Whoa, don't get your panties in a twist. I get it. '_Edward'_. Not Masen. So how are things going with you and _Edward_?"

"Oh, Rose, he's so dreamy and perfect. I just knew he was the one. And his kisses…" Bella fell against the wall, with a dreamy, pansy ass look on her face; huge smile and glazed eyes.

"Wait! You've been making out with the perfect Mr. 'Sex Hair' and haven't told me? What the hell, Bells. Details… I want details. So spill."

"His lips are so soft, instant electric current flows through me, out of him, the second our lips connect. And when he slides his tongue across my bottom lip, my legs quiver in anticipation and desire so strong I'm sure if he asked I'd give him anything he wanted in that very moment. God, Rose, the things he can do with his tongue…"

"Oh my God, Bella Swan, have you been being 'naughty'?" I gasped, this was so un-Bella-like.

"Have you been letting the bronzed-hair sex-God dip his pretty little fingers in the honey pot?"

"Oh God, Rose, NO! Do you always have to be so vulgar? Of course, not! We've just kissed. A Lot!"

I smiled watching her dreamy state, her glowing skin and her shining eyes. I felt my chest clench and realized I longed for the type of love, the kind of life, the perfect future those two were so obviously destined for.

He felt the exact same as her, it was hard to miss. He too held a twinkle in his eye when he looked at her. Sported a smile just for her whenever she passed by him. That vibrant coloring of his translucent skin when they were together.

They were each other's missing link. The 'other half of a whole'. The 'final piece to a breathtaking puzzle of wonderment'.

Their future would be one of story books. Big wedding, lots of family. One little mommy look-alike girl and one little boy the spitting image of Daddy to carry on the family name. A big two-story white house with a white picket fence and a wrap-around porch to spend chilly evenings cuddling and gazing at the stars. It made me sick. It made me happy. It made me wonder if in another life, I could have been destined for such happiness as well. If only.

"Did you hear that?" Bella asked, eyes wide, hand trembling as she grasped mine.

"Shh… no I don't hear… wait!"

I could hear something that sounded similar to a series of short, distant firecrackers. Quickly followed by rampant multiple footsteps and hysterical shrieks and cries of pure terror. The combined sounds made my skin crawl and my heart thunder painfully in my chest. Bella's face was so pale, her eyes completely dilated. I feared momentarily that she might faint and realized just in time that she wasn't breathing.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe..." I cooed softly; my trembling voice betraying my imminent fear.

"It's probably some idiot's idea of a joke." I hedged, not really believing the words as they fell from my lips, but holding out a glimmer of hope that they may be true. I slowly shuffled towards the door.

"No, Rose, please don't!" Bella whispered in a high pitched tremor.

More firecracker sounds reverberated through the hall, flowing in through the cracks of the bathroom door, screams of fear, shrieked begging and horrific gurgling.

"I think I know who it is..." I whispered, my whole body now vibrating in fear. And for good reason, "Michael Newton, I heard him say the other day he was going to bring a gun to school and make them pay." My voice cracked with the admission and Bella just stared at my unbelievingly.

"Make _who_ pay?" She croaked, tears streaming down her distraught face.

"_Everyone_…" the word rolled off my tongue as barely a whisper. Again we continued to slowly inch backwards towards the empty stales, away from whatever evil lurked on the other side of the swinging door.

"And you didn't tell anyone?" Bella hissed.

"I didn't take him seriously. I… I just thought it was another one of his empty threats. Random mumblings. I didn't know." I defended, suddenly feeling the weight of the countless bodies I was all too sure lay sprawled, broken and lifeless throughout the halls of our school.

If I had just paid attention. If I had taken him seriously. Hell, even if I hadn't, but still said something, just in case. Maybe… just maybe this might not be happening right now.

Multiple thunderous explosions erupted just outside the door and we could easily make out the voice of Mr. Banner, "No, Michael, NO!" Before a loud thud, followed by a clicking sound and something clattering to the floor with a loud crunch. The bathroom door swung open just as we were about to sprint towards the tiny bathroom window.

We stopped dead in our tracks and spun to face a truly dead boy, his lifeless black eyes stared back at us unemotionally as he nodded his head "Rose!" He acknowledged me and my knees almost gave out right then. "Michael…" I croaked back. "Hey," He said nonchalantly to Bella as if he were just greeting a passerby on any normal day.

"You don't have to do this, Michael." I spat out once again grabbing Bella's hand both to try and comfort her as much as comforting myself as well.

"Do what?" He screamed at me as he raised the huge gun and pointed it directly at me, "_This_?"

Loud sobs erupted from my throat. Tears blurred my vision, "Please, Michael, don't do this. Don't kill us."

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you both. Just one of you. The other must live to remember this day. To live in torment; to re-live this moment every night for the rest of her miserable life. The only question there really is… is _which_ one of you dies and which one lives?"

Bella's body slumped against mine as she gasped and whimpered for breath.

Michael cocked the gun towards Bella, she screamed in response, "Why should I let you live?" He growled at her, his face taking on a fierce evil look, the dead boy now gone and in his place was an angry, crazed-boy, who wanted nothing more than for blood to be spilt. Our blood. Everyone's blood and anyone's blood. He was scorned; betrayed, hurt, humiliated and broken. This was his ending, his final act before the curtain to his existence closed. I saw that now, in the eyes of this sad boy in front of me; in that very moment watching his wild eyes and looking over at Bella's pale white face… her frightened eyes… her trembling lips. I knew. I knew what I had to do. To be able to live with myself. To atone for all the fucked up shit I had done in my life; to protect the girl, the most amazing girl I had ever met… the girl who had saved me in more ways than one.

Before I could open my mouth to speak, Bella interrupted me, "If you have to kill one of us. Kill me." My mouth dropped and my hand slackened from hers. I took a step away from her. Could I let her do this? This couldn't be right, could it?

Michael smiled and jerked the gun, it made a loud clicking noise and he brought it up and pointed in directly at her, its tip touching her forehead. I watched her eyes close and the tears stream down her cheeks. Michael's eyes darted between me and her as if he were looking for something, waiting for something.

"Maybe I should kill you instead." He bellowed and the gun was suddenly lodged in the side of my face.

Bella collapsed on the floor in that moment, a heap of blubbering girl. Nothing left of the brave girl I had seen that night in my garage. Nothing left of the happy, optimistic girl I had spent the morning with.

I took a deep shuddering breath, "Yes… yes, you should." I said in the bravest voice I could muster up. I silently said goodbye to my Dad, wherever he was. I said goodbye to my Mom, even though I'm sure she'd care-_less_ if I lived or died. I inhaled deeply. The pungent smell of gunpowder hung in the air, a constant reminder that this moment was actual reality, not just some fucked up dream and finally took one last look at Bella and smiled a grimace kind of smile. Flashes played out in my mind, like an old movie being played in slow motion on a black and white projector. My Dad teaching me to ride a bike and placing a soft kiss on my knee when I fell off the bike seconds later. My first school play, singing a sickly version of I'm a little teapot. My first date, I remembered being surprisingly calm. My first kiss, snuck under the bleachers at a junior high dance, even though I wasn't in junior high yet. It was slobbery and really kind of gross.

Michael took a slow step back; wavering the gun between me and Bella, apparently undecided on which life to take. Who to make suffer momentarily and who to let live and suffer for the remainder of their life. I started panicking, this waiting-the deathly silence… the only sounds being Mike's labored breathing and Bella's soft hiccups. Seconds of clenching my eyes shut and squeezing Bella's hand turned to minutes and as I was about to open my eyes, thinking maybe just maybe Mike had actually changed his mind my ear drums were assaulted with ear shattering ricochets of popping noises and high hysterical shrieking.

* * *

**Holy shit right! What the fuck is going on? Seriously as I was writing this I was even wondering the same thing…want to know? Hit that sweet little review key and lemme know….yell, scream, plead, do whatever you gotta do to get ur point across.**

**Reviews are almost as good as knowing WHO Michael shot… Aren't they?**

**Huge thanks to my fucktacular beta TwiDi. This woman rocks my world. I heart you hard, sweets.**


	4. Chapter 4

**So now chaps will go back and forth between 'Present Day' and 'The Past' make sure you pay attention to that each chap to prevent confusion. Things are going to start getting a lil freaky from this point on. So please, I implore you. Look beyond the words and try to figure out what the fuck is really going on. I welcome, suggestions, guesses, theories and thoughts. In fact, I fucking love them!**

**TwiDi, you so own me. Thanks for beta'ing this shit and being such a great friend/ beta. xx**

* * *

**Guns and Roses – Yesterdays**

**Yesterday, there was so many things  
I was never told  
Now that I'm startin' to learn  
I feel I'm growing old**

'Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me  
Old pictures that I'll always see  
Time just fades the pages  
In my book of memories  
Prayers in my pocket  
And no hand in destiny  
I'll keep on movin' along  
With no time to plant my feet

_**Present day – 15 years later**_

**?POV**

"Come on, baby, let's go see if Daddy is awake yet," I grabbed hold of my daughter's little pale hand and squeezed gently; we scampered towards my bedroom squealing together like the best of friends about to cause a serious ruckus. Which we likely were. My husband, Carlisle, hated being woken up. But for someone who apparently wasn't a morning person, he sure was all smiles and soft looks this very morning.

"There are my beautiful girls," he chuckled as he pulled our squirming bodies tightly against him and kissed the crown of my head then his daughter's as well. "Aren't we all rather spunky today?" he said with a twinkle in his eye. I knew it pleased him to see me so happy. It was a very rare occurrence these past few weeks. What with the anniversary and all approaching too quickly.

"Daddy, can you make me some of your yummy chocolate chip waffles?" Emma asked, her big blue eyes wide and pleading, her tiny pink lip jutted out as she batted her long lashes at him. I smiled. He groaned. He could never say no to her. Not that she ever asked for things that warranted a 'no' in the first place.

I had been blessed with the perfect child. And I know, everyone always says there is no such thing as a perfect child. But Emma truly was. Even as a baby she very rarely cried. In fact I don't recall her uttering more than a slight whimper. This could be because I coddled her from the moment she was born. Almost never letting her out of my sight and was always at her side the second the softest noise slipped past her lips.

"Of course, angel. Let's go, you can help me make them while Mommy gets dressed, okay?"

Carlisle gave me a weary smile as he walked out of the room hand in hand with Emma bouncing all over the place giggling.

I made my way into our huge en-suite and turned the shower on to an insanely hot temperature before stepping into the steaming spray. The scalding water stung my sensitive flesh. But the pain did amazing things to my tortured mind. Keeping the memories at bay by replacing them with stabs of physical pain. I scrubbed my hair clean and lathered my whole body before rinsing it all off and stepping out of the shower into the steam filled room. I swiped at the fogged up mirror and gasped and fell backwards when I saw a face, a hauntingly beautiful face looking back at me from the glass. I landed with a thud on my bottom and yelped in pain as my wrist bent at an odd angle trying to brace my fall. Gasping for breath, I scrambled back up to my feet only to find nothing but my own reflection in the mirror. I shook my head slowly, pressing my clenched fists against my weary eyes and hissing as a sharp pain shot through my injured wrist. I probed it gently and concluded that it was maybe sprained at worst; but definitely not broken. Years of being married to a doctor had served me well and I had learned a few things about breaks, sprains and cuts… and whatever else I implored him to explain to me for fear one day Emma might hurt herself when he wasn't home and I would be useless to help her.

I took a tenser bandage out of the medicine cabinet and awkwardly began wrapping it around my throbbing wrist.

There was a soft tap at the door before Carlisle popped his head in, "Are you almost ready? The waffles will get… Oh Goodness, what happened?" Carlisle's eyes went wide with worry as he flung the door open wider and in two quick strides was at my side, cradling my limp hand. He was no longer my husband; he was Doctor Cullen. He completely switched into doctor mode and began probing my wrist the same way I had just moments before.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I just fell and landed on my wrist. It's a bit swollen, maybe a sprain but nothing is broken."

Carlisle raised his eyes to mine and quirked his brow. He looked so sexy when he did that. In fact it was that signature quirk that drew me to him in the first place.

"I love it when you go all medical on me," he said huskily, his eyes darkening as they rose to meet mine, "if you weren't in so much pain and our daughter wasn't waiting downstairs for us I would surely have to take you into the other room and punish you for being such a _clumsy_ _little_ _nurse_." He smirked at me as he brought my tender wrist up to his lips and kissed it softly before he began wrapping it with the ease and experience only a doctor possessed.

When he was all done, he kissed the tip of my nose and motioned for me to follow him downstairs.

As we walked into the kitchen I found Emma waiting patiently at the breakfast nook with her nose buried in a book.

"What are you reading, sweetie?" I asked softly as I pulled out the stool beside her while Carlisle busied himself piling plates full of waffles and pouring freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Charlotte's Web," Emma answered with shinny eyes, "can we move to a farm that has pigs and spiders on it?" she asked innocently, surely not fully understanding the work that came with having a farm and such animals.

"I'm not sure, sweetie. Daddy works in the city and that would be a rather long commute back and forth. How about we think about a pet we can have here instead?" I offered, not wanting to hurt her hopes but needing her to know a farm was definitely not in the cards for us. There was no way I would be caught dead scooping manure and grooming stinky animals.

"Maybe I can get a cat?" Emma offered, excitement shinning in her big bright blue eyes, "and we can get her a collar and name her Bells…" My breath caught in my throat as my smile fell from my lips.

I heard a soft clatter behind me, immediately followed by warm comforting hands on my shoulders, "Are you okay, baby?" Carlisle whispered cautiously.

I nodded slowly and mumbled something about needing a minute before I pushed away from the hutch and staggered up to my room, barely making it there before the deep painful sobs slipped past my trembling lips.

Flashes and stilled images of my school days flew past my tear flooded eyes, so fresh you'd think they were from just yesterday.

A strangled moan clawed up my throat, slipping out my mouth in an agonized wail. I fell to my knees as my mind brought me back to that day. That horrible day where I lost the only person who ever mattered, the only person who ever cared. I still had such a hard time remembering it all clearly. In fact after the ear piercing shots rang out I remembered nothing at all.

What I remembered with absolute clarity, however, was the fear and desperation etched heart-wrenchingly in Bella's face just before the shots rang out.

"Honey, it's okay. You're going to be alright. She didn't know… she didn't know," Carlisle's soothing voice calmed me enough that my gut wrenching sobs reduced to pathetic whimpers.

I sniffled into his shirt and lifted my head slightly, "Thank you for being here for me, I don't know what I'd do without you" I whispered, "I love you, Carlisle."

He pulled my shivering body tighter to him and kissed my forehead before whispering with such conviction it made my heart ache, "I love you too. I will always be here for you, Rose."

**

* * *

**

**Who saw that coming? Honestly......**

**So tell me...what ya thinking now???**


	5. Chapter 5

**Seether-Fuck It**

**I guess I like it when we play  
(the way you drag me down)  
I guess I like it when you hate me  
(the way you drag me down)  
'cause I can't face myself in a mirror  
(I'm left alone with all my pain)  
And I disgrace myself in the mirror**

**(I'm left alone with my shame)**

_**1994 - The past**_

"Come on, Emmy, can't we go somewhere? I'm starting to feel like a hermit," I sulked, jutting out my bottom lip and batting my lashes.

"Aww, baby, you know I'd love to take you out, but come on, you know people would judge and you don't want me to get in trouble now do ya?"

Emmett's explanation made sense. Really, it did. But I wasn't buying it. I was better at reading people than that and my gut was telling me he didn't want to take me out for a whole different reason.

"Don't give me that shit, Emmett. How stupid do you take me for? Or have you forgotten that I know the last girl you dated was only eighteen and you didn't have an issue taking her out of the fucking apartment." I was getting annoyed now, my nostrils flaring and my temperature rising. I could feel the scarlet flush raising up my neck into my cheek as I puffed out a mouthful of hot air and rolled my eyes at the back of his head.

"For fuck's sake, Em, look at me when I'm talking to you."

Emmett froze; something in my voice must have got to him, finally. He pressed 'pause' on his God-awful video game and rose from his seat on the black leather sofa. I planted my hand on my hip waiting for him to turn around and face me. I could visibly see his shoulders shaking and knew he was pissed. But I was beyond caring right now.

I was tired of being treated like some caged animal. Like an embarrassment. I was Rosalie fucking Hale and I would not be treated that way._ Anymore._

My eyes widened as Emmett turned to face me. His face beat red and his nostrils wide. His eyes were dark and something downright fucking scary was almost glowing in them.

He curled and uncurled his fingers causing the muscles in his bulging arms to tighten and flex. His jaw was clenched and a scowl played on his beautiful face.

"What did you just say to me?" His voice was low and throaty, but not in the way that usually make my heart flutter and my panties moisten. This was darker, deeper, almost menacing and it made my body quake with fear and regret.

"I'm… I just meant…"

"You just meant what, Rosie? I don't think you _meant_ anything! I think you were implying that I am fucking embarrassed of you." He took a step towards me; the large vein in his neck now prominent and pulsing with anger, or at least what I thought was anger. I too stepped back, a few steps actually, until my back hit the wall; causing me to yelp in surprise.

"I'm… sorry," I stuttered. Feeling like a complete fool for saying something that was obviously so upsetting to Emmett. I only ever wanted to make him happy the way he had made me. I didn't want to upset him. In fact if it bothered him that much, I'd be happy just sitting here with him watching him play those damn video games. As long as I could be near him I would never complain again.

With only two long strides he stood towering over me. His bright eyes gleaming down at me. His hand came up and I flinched, waiting, expecting him to lash out and hit me. Instead he took a step back. His face now a mask of confusion, his brown furrowed and his eyes softening.

"I'm not going to hit you, Rosie. I could never hit you. Don't you know that?"

My shoulders sagged with obvious relief. No, I didn't know that. But I do now. _I think._

I slowly rose my eyes to meet his intense gaze.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Maybe I'm… uh… getting my period or something…"

Yeah that sounded like a good enough explanation. Didn't want him to think I was going all freaky on him. I hadn't had my period in awhile, so honestly, it was plausible.

"S' okay, baby girl. Come here and give your papa bear some lovin'. If you're getting the red plague soon I want to get in you as much as I can, while I can." He smirked and held his arms open wide for me.

I should have been offended by his words. _Appalled even_. But the only thing I could think was that he still wanted me.

I flew into them, tears of relief bubbling under my rims and planted a huge kiss on his waiting lips.

He moaned into my mouth and pulled me closer; wrapping his arms around me he pulled me up by my ass and squeezed tight.

My panties moistened instantly. Just the feel of his hands on me was enough to leave me a dribbling mess of dripping girly parts.

His soft dominant tongue pressed against my lips, wiggling around, trying to find entrance.

I obliged instantly and felt my heart flutter as his tongue met mine. Oh, the things this man could do with his tongue.

Just thinking about those things was all I needed to begin squirming uncomfortably against his waist. His thick, hard erection pressing into me was excruciating and nowhere close to where I needed it most. I wiggled, hoping to slid down just a teensy bit and graze my aching clit across it. Even through my jeans I knew it would feel amazing. But Emmett had other plans apparently.

"Not so fast, baby girl. I have something special planned for tonight." He smiled mischievously at me, his eyes shining with amusement as he threw me over his shoulder and turned towards the bedroom.

I squealed girlishly and slapped playfully at his back, "Emmett McCarty, you put me down this instant you big oaf, before you drop me."

Emmett chuckled and slapped my ass before he tossed me on the bed.

"Take your clothes off, sweet cakes." He commanded softly in a gravelly voice.

"Okay," was all I managed to squeak out, the intensity of his gaze, the lust I saw in his eyes was doing funny things to my thoughts. Any normal sequence of wording was lost to me the second I looked into them.

I quickly pulled off my jeans and undies. Emmett growled as he got a good look at my glistening bare sex. I wiggled my ass on the bed a bit before lowering to the soft mattress and grasping the hem of my shirt. I tugged in swiftly over my head, I had no bra on underneath. My long golden curls hung in my face and I flipped them back so I could look up at Emmett. Before I could even open my eyes he had his warm palm sliding up my inner thigh as he crawled already naked up the bed with a predatory look glistening in his dark eyes.

I shivered with anticipation and yearning. I needed him in me. Now!

The second Emmett reached eye-level with me, his lips crashed against mine. Our tongues entwining in a deliciously sinful dance. I groaned into his mouth as his fingers ghosted across my wet lips. I thrust upwards hoping to get more pressure – some sort of release.

Emmett chuckled and pulled his hand away completely, "Anxious, baby girl?"

I nodded my head furiously, "Uh huh."

"Well then, who am I to deny you?" In one quick, firm thrust he filled me.

I moaned in pleasure. I liked it rough and he knew this.

"Fuck, I swear to God you just keep getting tighter," Emmett growled as he pumped in and out of me.

My fingers nails dug into the glistening flesh of his chiseled chest as he hit the sweetest spot, causing my walls to clench in preparation of my vastly approaching orgasm.

I threw my head back and squeezed the flesh of his pecks, "Fuck yes, Emmett. There, right there. Don't. Fucking. Stop." My vision blacked out and my whole body trembled with the intensity of my orgasm as I momentarily became paralyzed in ecstasy.

My breathing came in fast tiny bouts, slowly calming to raged gulps of air as I came down from my high.

Emmett's face came into focus and for a moment I was in awe. Emmett during sex was the best kind of Emmett. No scowl on his face. No controller in his hand. No carefully crafted blank look in on his face either. Just deep lines of pleasure and droplets of sweat pooling along his hair line.

He grunted a few times and then slowed his movement, "Roll over, baby."

He helped twist my body so I was sprawled across the bed on my stomach and bent my legs slightly so I was perched on my knees but not doggy style.

I peered back at him over my shoulder, silently questioning what he was doing.

"Do you trust me, sweet cakes?"

_I think I do._ "Yes."

"Then just lay there and enjoy."

He pushed my head back into the pillows and slipped two fingers into my dripping hole. My body automatically thrusting back to meet his thrusts.

His thumb began to twirl and tease my throbbing clit and I moaned completely overwhelmed as I felt my stomach coil and tighten.

I whimpered into the pillow, desperate for more, "Mmmm… oh God, yes. More… I need more of you, Em."

He pulled his hand away from the back of my head allowing me a huge breath of much needed air.

I felt his fingers play around my anus and groaned at the surprisingly nice feeling of it.

He did this for a few more minutes, just playing with my ass. Gently pressing the tip of his finger in before once again pulling it back out.

I could no longer vocalize what I wanted, my orgasm was too close, any coherent words long gone.

I began thrusting back onto his fingers, finding his finger filling up my ass rather pleasant and enjoyable.

"Fuck yeah, that's it, baby. I knew you'd like that shit," Emmett groaned from behind me. I smiled, happy that I had pleased him.

As my walls began clenching and I once again trembled with the onslaught of heat swirling in my lower regions I felt my anus being stretched. It hurt. God, it hurt. But I was so lost in the pleasure flowing through me. I didn't realize just how much until Emmett began slamming into my ass.

"Oh shit, Emmett. Too much," I hissed. I had never had anything in my ass before this night and it was just too fucking much.

"I won't take long, baby. Please, for me?" Emmett panted still not slowing his pace.

I couldn't say no. I wanted to say no. Fuck I _needed_ to say no, "Okay."

I laid there bent at the knees. My body that was moments before rejoicing in immense pleasure was now screaming out in pain as Emmett grunted and collapsed on top of me.

I clenched my eyes shut and waited for the pain to simmer a bit before trying to roll over. Emmett complied and moved off of me and I was out of the bed like a flash.

I ran to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. Hissing as I wiped myself and noticing blood on the wet cloth.

That couldn't be a good thing. I wiped again thinking maybe I had just got my period but no it was coming from my very sore bottom.

I yelped as I wiped it a few more times, hoping I had cleaned myself up enough that I wouldn't stain my clothes.

I re-entered the room and began getting dressed. Knowing that it was likely time for me to head home before my mom started her drunken "Where the fuck are you" calls.

Emmett sat on the bed with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. I walked towards him and leaned in to kiss him goodbye.

He kissed me chastely, "Thanks for giving me that, baby." He whispered into my cheek, blowing smoke into my face with a sly grin.

_I didn't give that to him. That fucking pompous ass. Screw him. I've had it with his shit._

"You know what, Em?" He cocked his brow, "Fuck you and your sick games!" And with that I stormed out of the room. Promising myself I would never again return to Emmett's little lair of fucked up shit.

* * *

**Huge thanks to my review-gals, Fragile Human,covermeinfeathers, AmeryMarie and Lillie Cullen, for giving me their amazing theories and reminding me of just how twisted my mind really is. Luv u all for putting up with my quirking ideas and incessant questions :) And I can't forget my dear sweet TwiDi – her and I combined – yeah – we catch anything the other doesn't, so, yeah, she is such a savior to me. Xx**

**Review, share your thoughts. Yell at Assmmett, berate Rose for giving in to his sorry ass. Whatever u need to make u feel better.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Finger Eleven – Talking to the walls**

**Look at the shape I'm in  
Talking to the walls again  
Look at the state I'm in**

Bent and broken is all I've been  
No universal truth this time  
No other universe but mine  
Could ever feel as unaligned  
Since I've been without you  
No instances from time to time  
Feel like things will turn out right  
Since I've been without you

**Present day – 2009**

**Rose's POV**

"Come on, Emma, it's time to go to school." I frantically searched the house, trying to find Emma. She had this knew game, I wasn't too sure I was very fond of. She'd hide for hours on end, her patience with me in finding her never ceasing to amaze me. At first, I thought it was fun and cute. I'd always find her in the most peculiar places. Under the sink, in the dryer… heck, once I even found her in the fridge. How she'd managed to squeeze in there was beyond me. But that didn't matter. What _mattered…_ was that it had scared the shit out of me. I had forbid her right then and there from ever hiding somewhere she might not be able to get out of incase I didn't find her. If she only knew the horrible images that had flashed through my mind when I found her in the fridge all smiles, teeth chattering-lips blue.

"Come on, Emma. Seriously, we are going to be late. You don't want to be late today, do you? Your school is having that little play today." I teased, hoping that would entice her to come out from hiding.

Moments later, I flew open the utility closet door to find a giggling Emma looking up at me, smiling brightly.

"Took you long enough, momma."

"Sorry, baby. Mommy must be losing her touch. How about we don't play this game as often anymore? Maybe we could think of a different game to play instead. Would that be okay?" I lowered myself down on my haunches, so I could be eye level with her. I wanted her to know how worried I was about this little game without coming off as a big bad witch.

She looked at me for a few moments. Wisdom well beyond her years shining back at me through her bright glistening eyes, "Okay, Momma, I'll see what I can think up." She threw herself in my arms and squeezed me tight. I was momentarily lost in the feelings she brought out in me. Love, wonderment and pure adoration. A person could never love another as much as I loved my Emma. Of that I was positive.

She climbed out of my arms and I watched as she skipped down the hall. I slowly followed; grabbing her coat and mine as well before opening the door and squinting out into the bright morning sunlight that was surprisingly gracing Forks with its presence today.

I closed my eyes, raising my face toward the sun and allowing myself to bask in its warmth for just a moment. For one moment, I forgot everything and just was… that is… before _she_ crossed my mind and once again I was filled with guilt, tormented with flashes and memories. In that second, I went from being a normal girl basking in the glorious warmth of the sun, to the broken woman who never stopped mourning the loss of her friend. _Her best friend._

A single tear slid down my face, before I realized Emma was waiting patiently, standing by the car door and watching me with a peculiar look on her little face.

"Umm… Sorry." I mumbled as I sprinted down the stairs and unlocked her door for her, buckling her into her seat, before I shook my head and mentally scolded myself for drudging up the past yet again.

We drove to the school in silence. Emma staring out the window and softly counting all the cars as we past them. Me, lost in my thoughts, as usual. In one week it would be the anniversary. One week till I had to make the decision. Could I do it? Could I return to that place, rehash the old wounds and horrific moments I had spent fifteen years trying to get past?

I was happy they were having this, I mean, hundreds of young students died that day and they deserved to be remembered. They deserved a service in their memory.

Forks High was shutting down for the day to hold a service, of sorts, for the survivors to come and show their respect to the ones we had lost. The ones who had died that horrific day at the hands of a seriously disturbed boy.

The sentiment was not lost on me. I saw the posters and flowers strewn across the front lawn of the school over the years. I read the posting in the newspaper as each year passed. Poems and memories families and friends wanted to share with the world about the ones they had loved and lost.

I never went to the trial. I gave my statement and did my questioning via video tape. The lawyers were not happy about that, but the town psychiatrist deemed me unfit to go on the stand. He was right. I never would have made it through that. I never would have been able to look Mike Newton in the face and not break down, shut down, or even worse… have something akin to a heart attack. I was weak and I knew it. A huge jump from the strong-willed girl I had once been. But years of pain and loss can change a person. They did. I didn't even know the girl I had once been anymore.

Carlisle thought me going to the anniversary gathering would be good for me. In fact he encouraged it. Urged me to go. To face my demons and hopefully get some closure. I knew he was right, it would probably be the best thing. But something, some _little_ voice in my head, told me that the second I would walk into that school, my world as I knew it would come crashing down around me.

And frankly, that scared the living hell out of me. I didn't want any more pain. I didn't want to remember anything I may have forgotten. I just really wanted it all to be a horrible, bad and disgusting dream.

I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts as I pulled up in front of St. Agatha's private school. Another choice of mine that Carlisle didn't agree with.

I had refused to send Emma to the public school in town. If she went to public elementary school, that would mean that she would go to public high school… which meant Forks High and I couldn't do that. I knew it was irrational of me. In fact, not a single thing beyond the occasional school fight between rowdy boys and hair-pulling girls had occurred at Forks High since that fateful day. But still I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk her, or if I was being honest, I couldn't risk what it would mean for me to step a foot back in those halls again.

I climbed out of the car and went around to the other side to open the door for Emma. "Do you want me to walk you in or just wave from here?" I asked her softly, knowing that she was now ten years old and might not want her Mommy escorting her into school all the time. Sometimes she did and sometimes she didn't. I always gave her the choice though.

"I'm okay. Thanks, Mom." She said as she rose on her toes and kissed my cheek.

"Love you, baby girl." I called as I watched her skip up the walkway and disappear through the large wooden front doors. I shrank back as one of the nuns standing in front of the school looked at me with such disdain that it made my heart lurch. I knew what they thought of me. Knew what they thought of my being married to Carlisle. I heard the whispers over the years, saw the looks. To them I was a home wrecker. To them I was sin incarnate. I knew when we made the choice to take our relationship out in the open, the scrutiny I would inflict upon myself and even Carlisle for that matter. Friends we had, before we came out, were now just acquaintances and some even closer to that of an enemy. I couldn't blame them. I knew if the tables were turned, I would feel the same way.

"Hey there, stranger."

I froze in my spot, my heart began beating rapidly. I recognized the voice immediately. I turned slowly and couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see a friendly face.

"Hi, Jessica. How are you doing?"

"Good, I'm good. I just registered Marissa to start school here next year." She smiled brightly at the mention of her daughter's name. Her daughter was half the age of Emma and just starting kindergarten next year apparently. I had met her once, in passing. Jessica and I were never great friends or anything, but over the years in group therapy we had bonded in a way. We shared something most never would. We were the ones left behind. We held the guilt, confusion and pain. We had helped each other through some really rough patches. But as the years went by we distanced ourselves. Finding each other more of a bad memory than a relief; and eventually stopped talking altogether. Moved on with our lives. Got married and had kids.

"You too, huh?" I knew I wasn't the only one uncomfortable with sending my child to public school, but it was nice to actually personally know someone who felt the same way I did.

"Yeah, I tried. Eric said he'd support me in whatever decision I made. Which I am grateful for, but I just couldn't do it. It was too much." I nodded my head and lowered my eyes. I understood what she as trying to say, even when she couldn't find the right words. I felt the same way.

"Are you going?" She asked quietly a soft tremor in her voice.

"I don't know if I can," I admitted sheepishly.

"Me either."

I smiled at her in understanding.

"Well, I should be going. It was good to see you again, Jessica."

"You too, Rose, you too."

We turned and went in separate directions. She, as I knew, lived just down the street and likely walked here. I on the other hand lived on the outskirts of town and drove, obviously.

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat as I neared Forks High. I pulled up out front and watched as they set up beautiful monuments and huge pictures of the all too many students who lost their lives that day were standing proudly in huge metal holders. I couldn't make any of them out from where I was, for which I was thankful. I wasn't ready yet.

Flowers were everywhere and chairs were set up in front of a huge stage. Time was running short. I would have to make a decision soon. I squealed the tires of my car not being able to get away from here fast enough and sped off down the street towards home.

I pulled into our long drive and locked the car, waving at the gardener as I passed by him and let myself into the house.

It was so silent. Not a single noise. I usually enjoyed the silence. Used this time to work on my paintings. I had taken up painting after that day as a therapeutic outlet, my counselor had suggested. He was right. It worked, while I had that brush in my fingers and the canvass before me, I could lose myself in whatever I was working on and for a short period of time I could pretend I was somewhere else… someone else and just lose myself in a 'world' that was my own. No pain, no heartache. Just beautiful shades or blues and greens… splashes of whatever colors my mood was in when I started. It was perfect, it was serene. It was my _escape_.

As I passed through the dark quiet halls on my way to my art room, I noticed the answering machine flashing and paused to check it before going upstairs.

I clicked the playback button and waited to hear the messages.

_You have one new message._

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen, this is Sister Beatrice from St. Agathas. We're umm… having a slight problem with Emma. She seems to be having some kind of attack. We called a doct….." I didn't wait for the message to finish before I turned and fled out the front door and began speeding back to the school.

I slammed on the breaks as I pulled up out front of the school, already having a mild panic attack with the theories and scenarios my mind had conjured up on the short drive. Emma having some sort of seizure… Emma having a panic-attack… Emma scared and alone, without me by her side… My heart was pounding in my chest, my pulse racing, my breathing was coming in short erratic bursts as I flew out the door, not stopping to shut it and dashed up the front stair and threw open the front door; startling the few students who were just inside the door. My eyes darted around, back and forth between the halls. I never finished the message and was unsure as to whether I would find Emma in the office or the nurse's station. I made a split second decision and darted in the direction of the main office.

I skidded to a halt slamming into the office door and falling on my backside from the impact before scampering to my feet and falling through the door. The secretary looked up at me, a scared looked upon her face, "Can I… help you?" she stuttered nervously.

"My daughter… Emma Cullen… where is she?" I gasped, sill trying to calm my breathing and ignoring the shooting pain in my backside.

Realization must have dawned on her just then as I stared at her impatiently, tapping my foot on the floor, "Yes, Mrs. Cullen, please right this way." She rose from her seat and escorted me through a couple of doors till she motioned for me to go into the head master's office.

"Is she in there?" I asked curtly, slanting my eyes and glaring at the now cowering woman beside me.

She nodded slightly before scurrying off, back the way we had come.

I stood outside the door for a moment. Desperate to see my daughter, to make sure she was okay. But also scared and irrationally nervous about what I would find once I entered this room. Emma's hysterical yelps and screams urged me forward; I was no longer controlling my body. Her anguished cries drew me forward by some invisible force.

I quickly opened the door and closed it behind me. My eyes widening at the sight in front of me, "Emma, Emma baby, are you okay? What happened, sweet heart? What happened?" I looked back and forth between the head master and the head nun who were hovering near the desk watching our exchange with sad eyes. Neither gave me any insight into what was going on, so I turned back to Emma hoping maybe she would shed some light on the situation.

She was curled up in a tight ball in the corner of the room with her head now laying against my heaving chest. She was whimpering and mumbling but I couldn't make out the words.

"Please, baby, I can't understand what you are saying," I whispered. The desperation in my voice all too evident and clear. My insides were churning and tightening at each heart wrenching screech that slipped past her lips.

"I'm not… Shouldn't…"

I still couldn't make out her word, through her sniffling, hiccupping, wails and tremors I finally made out the words, "I'm not supposed to be here. I shouldn't be here; I'm supposed to be somewhere else." With those confusing words she wiggled out of my grasp and jumped up, leering down at me. I swear I heard her growl. With wide eyes, I looked up into her blazing angry ones, "This is all _your_ fault. I would be somewhere better. Where I am supposed to be, if you'd just finally let go."

She wasn't making any sense. Where would she be? Was she hallucinating? Having some sort of breakdown. Briefly my mind flashed to my own breakdown; fifteen years ago and mentally, I began comparing this with that. Was she acting the way I acted? Behaving the way a mentally unstable person would. The cold, hard sting of her tiny hand lashing across my face brought me back rather quickly. And I sat stunned beyond belief as she continued to rant and rave about me being an awful person and bringing her into this world where she didn't belong. Telling me I had to let go of the past; accept the truth before she too could move on.

I sat there stunned; not having a clue of what to say to her and just waited out her rant. When she finally collapsed into one of the chairs, I stepped out into the hall with Sister Beatrice and Father Paul.

"What on earth was that?" I spat angrily at them, immediately thinking something had happened to her to have caused her such distress.

They both looked at me with baffled expressions. Snapping their mouths open and shut, seemingly not able to come up with the right words.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, we don't know what to tell you. She was fine one minute and the next, she was in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth and mumbling about not being meant to be here. Your guess is as good as mine," Sister Beatrice explained. I nodded, not knowing what to say and feeling every ounce of strength I had drain from me completely. Leaving me scared and empty. I turned to go back into the office and collect my trembling daughter when Father Paul said something I never even realized I dreaded until I heard it, "Might I make a suggestion… Maybe you should consider getting her help. _Professional_ help…"

I gulped audibly and nodded mutely to let him know I had heard him. I carried Emma; all curled up in my arms out to the car and buckled her into the back seat and pulled out my cell phone from my purse. Dialing Carlisle's number, hoping for once he would answer his phone. It immediately went to voice mail. I cursed softly and flipped the phone shut. Walking around the car and deciding I would take Emma for a treat and try to talk to her until I could get a hold of Carlisle.

I took her to the frozen treat shop on the main strip in town and helped her inside. She had calmed down visibly and almost seemed back to her normal chipper self. It baffled me completely.

After we ordered and got our frozen yogurts, I lead her outside to a table on the patio, on the opposite side of where the only other couple sat.

"Emma, Honey," I started, cautiously, "Can you tell me what happened back at the school?" I held my breath for a moment, bracing myself for her reaction, for another outburst from her like that of at the school.

Instead she confused me by smiling, "At school Momma… what are you talking about?" I gaped openly, unable to hide my confusion, "Baby…"

"Nothing happened at school, Momma. I wasn't feeling too well… my head was hurting and I think I fell asleep is all. When I woke up you were carrying me to the car." Emma explained, interrupting me.

I was dumbfounded, she didn't remember a thing? How were we to help her, when we didn't know what to help?

I dropped the subject and just watched her eat her yogurt in silence. When we finished, we headed back to the car. Emma now completely back to normal, the skip in her step prominent and the glimmer in her eyes noticeable again.

I buckled her in once again, "I think we are going to go and visit Daddy at work. How does that sound?"

Emma's smile brightened and she bobbed her head enthusiastically, "Yes, Momma. That would be great," she squealed and leaned her head back into the seat.

I rounded the car and quickly glanced across the street. Through the stream of passing cars, I swore I saw Carlisle standing on the curb across the road. I called his name and went to move forward, waving my hands in the air. Just as I was about to cross the small road, I saw a girl with long honey colored hair come out of the ice-cream shop we had just left and hand Carlisle an ice cream cone. He smiled at her as she slipped her now empty hand into the back of his jeans pocket.

All sounds around me seemed to fade and my vision zoned in on him and the mysterious girl. My head began pounding painfully, my heart controlling my feet as I took a tentative step in their direction, then another.

The blaring of a car horn jarred me and I spun just in time to hear tires screeching as a red car slammed into the side of me.

~~~oo~~~

"Rose, Rose darling, are you okay? Speak to me, baby. Please be okay." I opened my eyes and came face to face with a panic-stricken Carlisle. His eyes were wide, alarmed and wet. I could feel him pressing around on my neck and shoulders. Likely checking for any broken bones.

Everything came back to me in an instant and I remembered why I was lying in the middle of the road to begin with. I slapped his hands away from me and struggled to get up. My body protesting and groaning the whole time. I could tell nothing was seriously damaged, some bruising and tenderness but that was about it.

When I go to my feet, I turned my blazing eyes on him, stopping him mid-sentence as he begged me to sit down and take it easy, "Where is she, Carlisle?" I growled menacingly. He looked at me like I had just grown two heads, this only served to anger me all the more. "I said… where the fuck is she? … Who is she? … How fucking dare you, you bastard." I was screaming now, my whole body trembling in anger while Carlisle just stood gapping at me and shaking his head.

"Please, Rose. I don't know what you are talking about, but we need to get you to the hospital and get you checked out." Carlisle pleaded with me, his hand slowly inching towards me; reaching out for me.

I blanched and stepped back, "Oh, no, Carlisle, I am not that easy. I am taking our daughter and going home. I suggest, when you get there, you have some damn-good fucking answers." With that I spun on my heel and got into the car. Groaning as pain flashed through my left arm. "Mommy, are you okay? Did that car hit you?" Emma cried from the backseat.

"No, no Baby, Mommy's fine. Everything is going to be fine."

* * *

So...what the hell is up with Emma??? And Carlisle...what are your thoughts there? Bit by bit the story is coming together now, have u caught the subtle hints and clues? Anyone have any good guesses yet as to what the fuck is really going on???

Thanks to TwiDi as per usual for being so fucktabulous. And of course, thanks to my reviews girls is nescasary as well - Fragile Human, Amery Marie, Covermeinfeathers, and Lillie Cullen - thanks for all the support and encouragement, you girls rock!


	7. Chapter 7

**K, so first and foremost, let me apologize for not replying to reviews lately- I am so sorry. I have been slammed with work on the CHRISTMAS COLLAB that is starting up in just a mere week*hint hint* and totally have not had the time I wish I did have.**

**I will go through reviews this week and reply to those that have questions/speculations at very least. Just know, I do read them all and love each and every one of them. In fact your words in those reviews- if anything, are what keep me writing all this crazy crap in my head- so please don't stop. I love it!**

**Faint- Linkin Park**

**I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored, time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored**

**1994 – The Past**

**Rose POV**

"Seriously, Bella, he is so dreamy…" The entire senior class was currently crowded in the school gym, waiting for our 'guest speaker' to come in and lecture us about safe sex and the dangers of sharing needles. I mean, come on, who the hell would be stupid enough to shoot up to begin with, never mind use dirty, shared needles? Apparently, a lot of people… or I was sure the school would not have splurged and called in the _dreamy_ Doctor _Carlisle Cullen_ to harass us about it.

I had caught a glimpse of him as he arrived earlier today while I was day-dreaming out the window of my History class. And, holy hell! Let me tell you, I have never… and I mean _never_ seen anything or anyone so damn delicious-looking. And I wasn't even sure a person could look 'delicious' until I saw him. Light blond tousled hair, bright blue eyes, lean and surely muscular physique and that quirky smile, gah! It left my girly parts quivering with anticipation. Mine! I would so make that man mine one day.

"Come on, Rose, pay attention before you get us in trouble." Bella hissed as she spun in her seat and purposely began ignoring me.

I lost myself in dirty little thoughts as I stared, not hearing a word of what he was saying, but enjoying the view and contemplating all the ways I could convince him to bend me over a desk and spank me. God! I am such a pervert, I need help.

"Rose! Rose… what the heck has gotten into you, Rose?! It's time to go." Bella was tugging on my arm and growling in annoyance at me, which disturbed my luscious vision of Carlisle plunging his thick, hard, smooth…

"Fine, stay here then. I am not being late for class." I stared dumbfounded at Bella as her small frame disappeared through the gym doors. I looked around and realized that there were but a few dawdling students left, obviously taking their time and avoiding going back to class for as long as possible.

It didn't take much to conjure up the courage once I had my mind set on something. So in one quick movement, I was sashaying up the aisle, headed straight for the sexy beast whose very presence had been taunting and alluring me for the past hour and a half.

"Hi, I'm Rose." I announced with a bright, sexy smile.

The blond god turned to address me, and I immediately noticed his eyes darken slightly as they swept over my form. I knew I looked fucking sweet as candy today. I was wearing the tightest jeans I could squeeze into and a pair of five inch 'fuck me' boots, not to mention the low hung silver blouse that clung to me in all the right well-developed places. I smirked as I saw him inhale deeply, knowing the light and floral scent of my body-wash tended to linger and he was likely enjoying the fragrance mixed with the smell of lust I was sure was pouring off of me.

Carlisle cleared his throat and began fidgeting with his tie before he held his hand out to me, "Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Nice to meet you. Is there something I can help you with?"

Hell yes, lots!

"No, not really. I don't do drugs and I already know how to use a… condom properly." I breathed at him while softly batting my long eyelashes.

I swear I could hear him gulp as his Adam's apple bobbed deeply.

"Oh… umm… well… then. I uh, should be getting ready to leave then." He stuttered, obviously mildly uncomfortable with my close proximity and bold words.

I pulled a sheet of paper out of my binder and folded it in half. "Can I borrow your pen quickly?"

"Of course," He said and handed it to me with shaky fingers.

I quickly scribbled my cell phone number down, the number barely anyone had, and handed him back his pen along with the paper. "In case you ever um… want to _play_ 'doctor' with me…" I purred coyly, grinning like a Cheshire cat when I noticed the very prominent bulge now straining against his dress pants.

I winked at him and turned on my heel, putting extra effort into the swing of my hips as I made my exit, knowing very well he was gawking at my sweet tight ass.

~~~oo~~~

"Tell me again why you're going to see him? " Bella huffed in frustration. We were currently at her house, studying for yet another test in Biology. It seemed there was a test every day in that class. Thank God that was the one class I actually paid attention in.

"Seriously, Rose, he's an ass and he treats you like dirt. I thought you had your eyes set on that Doctor." Bella said while waggling her eyebrows suggestively at me. I knew what she was doing; she was trying to distract me. She had made her opinion of my lusting after the good doctor very clear. She thought I was being a pig. She was sure he was married, and to her, marriage was untouchabe. sacred. She stated very pointedly that there was no way in hell Carlisle would ever take me up on my offer. She was probably right. It had been six weeks and I still hadn't heard from him. That alone was a good enough reason to go and visit Emmett and get my freak on as far as I was concerned.

"Well, Bella, as you have clearly said many times, the 'good' doctor won't be calling, so I guess I get to settle for cocky yet seriously sexy Emmett's company. So, quit psychoanalyzing my life and just let me live it the way I want to, alright?" I snapped, now annoyed with her preaching and judging.

~~~oo~~~

"Turn your face, baby girl," Emmett growled as he slipped into me from behind, his thick length filling me to the brim. I sighed. Only when I was filled with the sensation of being thoroughly fucked was I ever content. Sad, isn't it? But it was just me; and I was okay with that.

Emmett may be an ass, but hell, he was an ass who was a fucking God in the sack.

We had been fucking secretly for over two months now, and even though it took its toll on me trying to block out all the hurtful shit that came out of his mouth, I still could never say no to his cock. They were like two different people to me. Top Emmett -anything from the waist up- was Assmett; and bottom Emmett -anything from the waist down- was Luciousmett… the things his cock could do to my body… Holy hell, all he had to do was plunge the beast into me and I was instantly on the brink of ecstasy. Like I said, so fucking good.

I gasped for breath as Emmett, or Assmett, held my head in the pillow on his bed.

He had this thing with not wanting me to look at him while he was plowing into me. Fucking unappreciative asshole. He was lucky I was even letting him have his precious doggy style after that shit he pulled last time. But I was in a rather sulky mood and feeling pretty bad for myself. So, I'd take what I could get and I'd take it with a fake smile plastered on my damn face too.

"Fuck, yeah, baby girl, your pussy is always so tight… fuck…" his groaning and moaning did nothing for me anymore. I no longer found them a turn on. They were just words; a 'means to an end'.

"Do you like that, baby?" Emmett growled from behind me, biting my shoulder a little too hard before pulling my head up by my hair in order to get an answer.

"Yeah, Emmy. You fuck me so good." I moaned as he plunged even deeper into me. I arched my back and enjoyed the moment and wished he'd just shut the fuck up and let me enjoy myself.

Aside from the 'not looking at him' thing, he was actually becoming rather clingy. At first, I kinda liked it. Fuck… to be honest, I was giddy as a Care Bear about it. But since meeting _him_… well, now I saw what a real man should be like and even though Emmett was definitely a looker, he was far from a real man. I began pulling away and he began pushing.

I felt my stomach coil in preparation for my burning orgasm that was just flowing past, inches from its goal. I hissed through my teeth, threw my head back and moaned unabashedly. My whole body was trembling with the intensity of my orgasm. Just as my pleasure faded from my body I felt Emmett tense up and dig his nails into my hips; within seconds, he was thrusting erratically, grunting and groaning out my name. Finally!

As soon as he pulled out, I rolled off the bed and made my way to the bathroom, cleaning myself up before returning to his room and throwing on my jeans.

"Where are you going, baby girl? Aren't ya gonna stay and cuddle with your big, warm Emmybear?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled up my zipper. "No, thanks. I got studying to do." I answered, barely looking at him and pulling my shirt over my head.

Emmett jumped from the bed and came up behind me, wrapping his huge arms around my waist and pulling me flush against his rock hard form. "Come on, baby, I'll make you something to eat and I promise… I'll have you home before seven so you can still get some studying in."

I couldn't say no. He sounded so desperate. So needy. And I was rather hungry… and knowing Mom, she wouldn't be home till late, so I'd be left fending for myself anyway.

"Okay, I'll stay and eat." I gently pulled away from him and walked towards the door, not wanting to hurt his feelings, yet not wanting to encourage him either.

I flicked through the hundreds of channels on Emmett's huge television, not finding a single damn thing that interested me and flicked it off just as Emmett announced dinner was ready.

It smelled mouth-watering. My stomach grumbled in response to the desirous smells now wafting through the house and I licked my lips as I settled into a chair across from Emmett.

"Smells really fucking good, Emmett. Who would have guessed you could cook?" I chortled while twirling the pasta on my fork. Emmett gave me a questioning look but said nothing.

I ate half the plate before Emmett even had a chance to ask me if I wanted parmesan cheese on it. I shook my head and continued stuffing my mouth. Fuck, why the hell am I so hungry?

I stopped stuffing my mouth long enough to gulp back half my glass of milk in one long haul.

I gasped for breath as I set the glass back down. Emmett, once again, was watching me with a wary look on his face, "You okay over there, Rosie? You don't look so…" I didn't wait around to hear his question. I bolted from the chair and sprang to the bathroom. I threw myself on the floor and heaved violently into the filthy, smelly porcelain bowl.

"Ugg, yeah, that's fucking disgusting. I'll… uhhh… wait out here for you." Emmett stuttered from the doorway; Assmmett was back and really beginning to piss me off.

Once I cleaned myself up and scrubbed my teeth and tongue clean with Emmett's toothbrush-without telling him, I left the bathroom with my hand clamped over my churning stomach.

"I really don't feel so good. Can you take me to the clinic, Emmett? I'm worried it might be food poisoning."

Emmett glared at me, his nostrils flaring. I hadn't meant to insult him. In fact I had never once considered it was what he had just made me. I thought maybe it was the fucked up mush-like eggs I made myself earlier today. I was never known to be able to cook and eggs definitely were not an exception to that.

"You know damn well I can't be seen with you…." Emmett growled.

"Well then just fucking drop me off." I huffed as I threw open the door and stomped out into the cool night air.

~~~oo~~~

**Yeah, I know. That chap was kinda boring…..sorry! But it was seriously integral to the storyline. **

**Review and seriously kick Assmett's fucking crude ass.**

**The next chapter will all be in the present- but then I will change it up a bit, again. And you will be getting 2 or 3 in a row that are all in the past- as I merge everything together- then there will be only 3 more *present* chaps. Before the end of this lil fic- well the almost end…I guess u can call it. Instead of doing a counterpart in sorts in BPOV, I think I will tack on a few chaps at the end in her POV, so you guys can see what happened from her end of things. That is in the interest is there *hint hint***

**Tons of love goes out to some sweet ass gals whose patience shows no bounds where I am concerned….Fragile Human, TwiDi, Amery Marie and covermeinfeathers. You girls are the best. Thanks for putting up with my crazy **


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a short one. I think you will find the remaining few "Present" chaps to be this way. Now that the past and the present are beginning to merge and become one. There is not as much going on in **_**just **_**the present. Does that make sense?**

**Please read Authors note at the end of this chap.**

**Billy Talent- Rusted from the rain**

**I stumble through the wreckage, rusted from the rain**

**There's nothing left to salvage, no one left to blame**

**Among the broken mirrors I don't look the same**

**I'm rusted from the rain, I'm rusted from the rain**

**Present Day – 2009**

**RPOV**

"Okay, baby, it's time for lights out."

"But, Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" It broke my heart hearing her sound so tiny and scared, unsure in her world for the first time in her life… and I didn't have a single smart answer for her.

When would Daddy be home? Soon. Later. Never? I couldn't answer that. Emma was a smart girl, she'd see right through me if I lied to her. But how do you tell your daughter that Daddy has been 'bad' and may never be living in the same house as her again?

I stroked her bangs back and kissed her forehead. With my eyes still closed, I whispered the best answer I could muster up, while still being somewhat honest with her, "Daddy will be back when he has had some time to think."

I pulled the covers up under her chin and once again gave her a kiss goodnight, "I love you, baby, you know that right?"

"I love you too, Mommy." I sighed deeply and walked across the room. I flicked the switch on the wall by the doorway which casted an eerie glow that was caused by the small lava lamp that rested on Emma's dresser.

"Is he mad at me, Mommy?" My breath caught in my throat, "Of course not, baby. Daddy just has some things to figure out. But he loves you as much as humanly possible. That is something, I'm absolutely positive of." I couldn't stop the low tremble in my voice. I wanted to reassure my daughter but I'd be lying if I said the same questions about myself and Carlisle weren't running through my head and tugging at my already shattering heart.

Emma nodded and smiled, "I think I knew that."

"I'm sure you did," I replied with a small smile, "Now get some rest."

Once in the safety of my own bedroom, I let the tears that had been threatening to spill over all evening, pour freely.

I was so confused, so broken, so mad and frustrated. How the hell could Carlisle do this to me? To his family? Was a hot piece of young ass really worth losing your family over?

I pulled open my underwear drawer and rifled through it till I found the full bottle of Jack Daniels I had kept hidden in the back since my last break down. One year ago, to be exact.

I twisted off the cap and swallowed a mouthful before sighing deeply and pulling out the last item in the back of the drawer. I knew it was a bad idea. To take it out while I was in this state of mind, but whenever I got like this… whenever I needed someone or something, _this_ was the only thing to console me.

I slid down the wall and landed on the soft carpeted floor with a thud, bottle and box still in hand.

I took a few more swigs of the liquid courage and feeling them burn their way down my throat before skimming my fingers lightly over the bejeweled lid. Glitter and jewels adorned the top portion of the small box, pictures and scrawled writing, sayings, and quotes covered the remaining sides.

A tear slid out the corner of my eye as my finger repetitively traced the boldest quote…

_"I count myself in nothing else so happy. As in a soul rememb'ring my good friends." - William Shakespeare_

Bella had always been fond of reading and Shakespeare had been one of her favorites. I never quite understood the quote myself. Not being one to care much for literature… and _honestly,_ never understanding a thing Shakespeare had to say. However she had been a true believer of his words. Felt they carried hidden messages. Held the truth that the blind men and women of the world had somehow missed.

With courage I had never possessed over the years, for the first time in 15 years, I didn't just finger the lid in reverence, yearning for the friend I would never have again. This time, I _actually_ opened it.

I sat there sipping on my whiskey and staring at the open box with shifty eyes, as if something might jump out of it at any moment and tear my 'carefully constructed' world to shreds. Hell, who was I kidding? That carefully built up world was not my world at all. It was what I made of it and in this moment, this very second, I knew more strongly than anything before that the world I had built around me was slowly coming down. And when it _does…_ nothing would ever be the same again.

That revelation scared me, intrigued me, petrified me and calmed me.

Maybe it was finally the _time_; finally… time to deal with the ghosts of my past. To face them head on. To either embrace the horrific memories or let them go.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" My head spun in the direction of his voice, my eyes slanting and a hiss escaping my lips, before I could even process that he was standing a mere few feet from me. Hands stuffed in pockets, hair seriously tousled and confusion etched in every nook and cranny of his pain-filled face.

"No. I am _not_ okay. How dare you come back here?! How dare you do this to your _family?!_ To me! To your _daughter?!"_ I said each word with venom and made sure to accentuate the ones that would tear him up. He deserved the pain. There were two innocent people in this house; hurting and struggling to accept the change that was surely coming. _Didn't he, who had caused this pain, deserve a piece of it as well?_

"I don't know what happened earlier, Rosie. I really don't. I wasn't with any girl. I was just on my way to see if you were still at the Ice cream shop. I got your message after my meeting and wanted to be there. I was worried about you, about _Emma_." Carlisle slowly lowered himself to my level, till he was crouched on his haunches. He didn't come any closer to me, _smart man_, but did look me directly in the eyes as he spoke.

The soft undertone of fear present in each word he spoke mixed with what confused me the most… _sincerity_.

He had either gotten amazingly good at lying over the years, _or_ he was truly being honest with me. But I knew what I saw. I saw that girl put her hand in his pocket. I saw her give him an ice cream. Didn't I?

A flood of visions filled my head. Pain screeched through my entire body with them. Flashes of me as a young teenage girl, before that heinous day... I couldn't make them out. They were blurry, confusing. I felt like I should remember them… Know what I was seeing. But something was holing those memories back, something told me not to remember; remembering would be bad, would breach some vast, sturdy wall hidden in the depths of my brain that was keeping me from an insurmountable amount of pain.

I pushed the thoughts, picture and words away; only _one_ remaining, one that wouldn't budge.

I looked up at Carlisle and without thinking them through first, I said them aloud, "You're not _my_ husband."

Carlisle inhaled sharply, his eyes dampening around the edges. I watched curiously as he slowly rose to his full height, now towering over me.

He slowly made his way to the door, pausing momentarily and whispering two simple words that made my heart stop and the flashes pick up with an intensity that left me in crippling pain. So much pain, that I could not even utter a small whimper.

"I know."

* * *

**Reviews **_**might**_** entice me to put out the next chapter sooner, so you can figure out, hopefully, what the hell Carlisle and Rose are going on about! Hint hint*****

**Again I must thank my favorite girls, TwiDi, covermeinfeathers, AmeryMarie, and Fragile Human,– without them I just wouldn't be sure if I was making this all understandable and if the hints and moments were all there in all the right places…hmmm…..Yeah! They rock! And their excitement and enthusiasm for this lil fic does wonders for my writing…xx**

**Countdown to Christmas- Has begun….make sure to check it out- full of lemony goodness- 27 authors- 24 days till x-mas- 27 one shots, followed by one mass collab done by 15 of the authors.**

**Beautiful Liasons- Have you read this yet? It was my entry for the "Sort of Beautiful" contest- won first place too… totally stoked about that shit- anywho- I am thinking about continuing it soon and would love my readers to go check it out- leave a review and lemme know if it is the kinda thing u'd like to read- if not…well that is okay too- just give it a chance and lemme know.**

**Thanks my Lovelies~**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the wait! I've been insanely busy, no excuses, just the way it is. *batts lashes and gives sheepish look* forgive me?**

**This will be my last update before Christmas, so Merry Christmas to you all and have a safe and Happy New Year.**

**I am already plotting out a new fic, soemthing twisted as usual- but you'll be suprised to know that you just might find some fluff and funnies in it as well :-) Chalked full of lemony deliciousness. I'm pretty excited about it.**

**I anticipate this fic to be about 15-16 chapters long- which means we are about halfway there already. Epppp...**

**So, without further ado, I give you yet another chap packed full of all out mind-fuckery.**

**Seether- fine again**

**It seems like every day's the same  
and I'm left to discover on my own  
It seems like everything is gray  
and there's no color to behold  
They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah  
Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here**

**1994 – The Past**

This couldn't be right… the doctor must be wrong. I… I just couldn't…... be… pregnant. I sat on the front steps of the doctor's office, my eyes wide and nicely bloodshot from the unstoppable tears that have been pouring out of me. I've been like this since the on-call doctor at the clinic, told me that I was indeed pregnant and that I should consider my options while I still had some.

I, Rosalie Hale, was pregnant with Emmett -the mad asshole- McCarty's baby! How the fuck did I get myself into this mess?

A part of me, surprisingly, was thrilled, now that I'd had the last thirty minutes to myself to let the news sink-in, allow my brain time to register everything and absorb it all. I mean a baby… wow! Someone precious to love; who would in return, love me back unconditionally.

Then I thought of Emmett and briefly let my eyes flicker to the little pamphlets I was grasping deathly tight in my right hand. Emmett would not be a good father. Hell, Emmett wasn't even a good person. I would have to raise the baby on my own.

I sat for yet another half hour, internally debating whether I should even tell Emmett about the baby. My conscience won out, but that fucker would just have to wait, 'cause I was so not ready to face Emmett yet. To make that decision, the decision I knew would have to be made quickly.

I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed the only number I could. The only person I knew I could trust no matter what. Bella!

~~~oo~~~

"Seriously, Bella, I don't know what he is going to say. Scratch that, I _so_ know what he is going to say, and I already know it will be nothing I am going to like." I couldn't hold back the deep sob that had crawled up my throat. Bella had her tiny arms wrapped securely around me, holding me tight to her.

"It's okay, Rose, we'll figure something out. I won't let you go through this alone. I promise." Bella's words, although I am sure were meant to soothe me, did just the opposite. I pulled away shakily and took a deep, shuddering breath and whispered, "Can you drop me off at Emmett's?"

"Okay, sweetie, but you call me if you need anything, you hear me?"

I nodded and slowly began collecting my things. My Mom was gone away for the weekend and if I was being honest I hoped Emmett would ask me to stay with him while she was away. I just didn't want to be by myself right now and I sadly needed his comfort.

~~~oo~~~

"Hey, Boo Bear, what are you doing here? What's with the tears?" Emmett standing before me with or without the confused look on his face was enough to bring on a fresh assault of tears. I blubbered something incoherent, trying to answer him but failing miserably.

"Holy shit, Rosie! What the hell is going on? Come in, baby, talk to me." Emmett was being surprisingly gentle, soft even. Maybe I had judged him wrong - not given him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, just _maybe_ he really would help me get through this.

Emmett led my trembling body towards his soft couch and settled me into the plush pillows adorning the corner of the v-shaped leather sofa and wrapped a fluffy blanket around my shoulders before sitting beside me and pulling me tightly into his arms. Cooing and brushing his fingers through my tussled curls, trying to calm me-comfort me. It worked. Many minutes later I was calm enough to swipe at my tear stained face and look into his pleading eyes and actually see them past the blurry tears.

"Talk to me, baby, did someone hurt you? If they did, so help me I will kill the bastards."

I could feel Emmett's hulking form quivering and knew I needed to act fast before he jumped to the wrong conclusion. My mouth opened and snapped shut numerous time, the words were right there, sitting on the tip of my tongue. _I'm pregnant,_ but try as I might all I could manage were deep, pathetic sobs.

Emmett took this as confirmation that someone did indeed hurt me and I watched helplessly as his nostrils flared and the dominant vein in his forehead began to visibly pulsate. "Tell me, baby, just give me a name. That's all I need."

This time I was able to form a single word, one that made Emmett jump from the couch and immediately switch from protective to defensive mode so quick it almost gave me whiplash, "You."

As Emmett jumped from the couch and began pacing crazily while ranting and yelling at me, at himself, at anything and everything, I scooped up Tilly, the little kitten Emmett had bought me last time we got into a fight to 'kiss-ass' and curled into a tight ball in the corner of the couch. I ran my fingers through her long orange fur and sobbed uncontrollably while I waited out his anger.

~~~oo~~~

After Emmett calmed down and my sobbing subsided, I remained curled up in my corner of the couch with Tilly snuggled into my side and slowly explained to Emmett what happened. He went from being furious to full out denial in a matter of minutes. Then I showed him the pregnancy test and Emmett did something I never would have expected - he collapsed onto the couch and wept like a blubbering child.

"What…. what are we going to do?" I asked him softly, running my fingers through his boyish curls as his head laid on my lap.

"We can't have a baby, Rosie." He whispered softly, regret and pain mingling in his words, confusing me all the more. Emmett wasn't a softy; hell, Emmett barely had a conscience or a human bone in his body. The man was a machine, a machine with no heart, even I knew that. Or at least I thought I did, until this very moment. I looked down at him, taking in his distraught tear-stained face and sighed, I couldn't do this to him, I didn't want this either. So why not make it all right in one go. No matter how much it pained me to do it; I knew it was the right decision, the only decision available to me, to us, at this time in our lives.

"Okay…" I murmured back, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.

"Okay, what?" Emmett asked cautiously, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"You're right; we need to get this taken care of as soon as possible. Can you take me to the clinic tomorrow?"

Emmett sighed heavily, a stray tear slipping down his cheek, it tore at me that I was the cause of his pain, this beautiful, unbreakable man, now laid broken, defeated and scared in my lap because of _me_.

"Alright, can we just go to bed now though?" He asked softly, I nodded and let him lead me to his room. I quickly changed into something more comfortable before climbing into his massive bed and curling up on my side. For the second time that night Emmett did the unthinkable, he pulled me back and flush to him, wrapping his arm securely around me and holding me close before pressing a soft kiss to the crown of my head and drifting off to sleep.

~~~oo~~~

It was done. I now felt an emptiness I had never endured in my lifetime. I was not only in pain physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. As I lay sobbing in the crazy stirrup chair with the doctor poking and probing inside my body, violating me, destroying my unborn child _by my request_, I let my mind wander. I pictured my child as a little girl, with my soft flowing blond curls and her daddy's big wide eyes. I even gave her a name, Emma; her name would have been Emma. I felt as if something essential, something I desperately needed was taken from me the moment the doctor pulled the sheet down in between my trembling legs and said, "There you go, all done," with that chipper fake fucking smile plastered on his wrinkly face. I hated him, I hated Emmett, I hated myself. I thought what I was doing was right. I thought it was the only way. I was in no shape to raise a child and Emmett sure as shit would be useless to me if I had kept it… kept _her_. What kind of life was that to bring a poor defenseless child into? It wasn't one. I had made the right choice, the only choice currently available to me that I could bear to live with, even if it killed me a little inside everyday for the rest of my damned existence.

I rolled over and groaned in pain, my left side was killing me, I wasn't sure why. The nurse at the clinic had told me that I would be in 'slight discomfort' for a while and maybe feel some cramping and twinges of sharp pain every now and then. She also told me I would bleed as if on my period, just slightly longer and with a heavier flow than I was used to. But she told me nothing of the sharp stabbing pains I was currently being torn apart from.

I had already soiled two sets of sheets on Emmett's bed and sneakily changed them when he wasn't paying attention and threw them in the trash. I knew I would have to change the ones I was currently laying in as well, I felt the blood pooling between my legs, running down my ass and settling on the sheets. But I didn't know what to do to stop it. I currently had two sanitary pads on and felt like I had a pillow stuffed between my legs, they were so thick. I silently wondered how much blood one could lose before losing consciousness, before it began to slowly kill someone.

When we had returned to Emmett's earlier today, Emmett's demeanor had shifted significantly from the previous evening- this morning he was just very quiet. I assumed maybe he was a bit upset by this all, just needing some time to get his head around it all, but this afternoon as he drove us back to his place, I felt it, I felt him shift in a way that almost scared me but not quite, just left an unsettling feeling in the pit of my now very empty stomach.

I fell asleep while mulling over Emmett's changed demeanor and woke to a girlish giggle. I rubbed my eyes gingerly, trying to rid them of the crusted sleep. Straightening up I strained my ears as another giggle came from behind the door.

"Come on, baby, why can't we go into your room? I don't want to fuck in the bathroom, what if someone walks in on us?" A whiny, nasally, 'Care Bear' kinda voice… that's what that was, and who the fuck was she talking to? The longer I listened, the quicker it became apparent that Emmett must be having a party. I could make out at least four other distinctive voices, three male and one female plus whatever cat-in-heat skank that was sprawled out against Emmett's bedroom door, but none of them were Emmett's voice. Where the hell could he be?

I groaned as I slid out of the bed, shifting my overly padded underwear so they would stop chaffing my legs while I attempted to waddle towards the door. Bright light shone through the bottom cracks and I could vaguely make out the two dark spots along the edging; whoever the tramp was, she was still there.

I placed my hand on the doorknob, trying not to snicker as a vision of some dumb, fake blond falling flat on her ass danced around in my head. I was just about to wrench it open and make that little fantasy come true, when I heard something that made my blood boil.

I took a few deep breaths, a single tear slipping past my clenched eyes and pooling at my trembling chin. I could do this, I would not be broken. I would stand up to the devil himself and his bride of Frankenstein as well. 'Cause I was Rosalie fucking Hale and no one and I mean no one, would treat me like this ever again and live to tell about it.

A deep guttural moan reverberated through the door - with liquid fire running through my veins, pulsing red behind my fluttering lids and courage I never knew I possessed in my heart, I swung the door open and stood back, not blinking once as Emmett and, surprise surprise, his little blond skank fell half-dressed at my feet.

I glared down at him, at them, the girl noticeably frightened and confused. Emmett spluttered and scampered to his feet, pulling his pants up and buckling them in one swift motion before reaching a trembling hand out towards me.

I took a tentative step back, flinching as if he had struck me and gasping for breath. I couldn't do this, I wasn't strong enough, I would cave, I would fumble, I would fail….

Emmett took yet another step forward, his eyes unsure, his hand outstretched as if approaching a wild dog and not the girl he had spent the last few months romping in bed with.

I could feel the tug, the immediate pull to him. My body yearned for his touch. I began to shake violently, my whole body betraying me and begging, pleading for his comforting arms to wrap tightly around me. I could feel my resolve weaken, my mouth snapped open and shut several times, wanting to shout at him, wanting to scream, yell, rant… but not a sound came out, my voice betrayed me too.

Imminent loss was upon me, I let one final defeated breath out and let my eyes flutter shut. Waiting blindly for frigid ice to touch scorching hot and cause a raging river I stood no hope in resurfacing from. My heart was pattering in my chest, the sound reminding me of the frantic wings of a hummingbird, time seemed to stand still for his touch had still not come, just as the stinging sensation began to snake its way up my thumb and into my hand I heard her, "Emmett, who the fuck is this and why the hell is she in your bedroom, bleeding all over the place at that?"

My eyes snapped open and something long dormant awoke within me. I snarled at the girl, the slut, the beast in front of me. I snatched my hand back as if I had been burnt by his freezing touch and hissed. I was no longer Rosalie Hale- I was now something barbaric, animalistic instincts taking over me. My hand lashed out and struck the side of Emmett's very shocked face, he gasped, the whore jumped off the floor, coming between me and my enemy, no wait, she was the enemy now too. I snarled once again, finding I kind of liked the new sounds that were slipping past my lips. I felt empowered and brave and untouchable. I was broken, beyond repair, no longer wanting to be fixed, just wanting someone to pay for the damage, "Run." I hissed before cackling manically and returning my intense burning glare to Emmett who was now, oddly enough, huddled in the corner of the room, his eyes darting from me to the doorway I now loomed in. He looked like a trapped animal, a trapped, defenseless, scared animal. _It looked good on him._

"You are an insufferable fucking prick and I spit on the day I ever laid eyes on you. Don't you ever come near me again, don't even say my name. I am taking my cat and I am leaving and I promise I will never look back on this day and regret it. I will never think back and wonder. It will be as if you never existed. You are nothing to me, Emmett McCarty. You however will never forget me, you will always wonder why, and you will always regret. I hope you burn in misery for the damage you have done. I pray you burn from the inside out." And with that I spun on my heel, scooping up my Tilly and stormed into the living room, past the gaping stares of the overly drunk and stupid friends and into the cold night air not even realizing I was wearing nothing but a pair of tiny shorts, soaked in blood, my blood, and a baggy Metallica t-shirt.

**Dude, I wrote this shit and I am even seething, I can only imagine what you all think of Assmett now.**

**Huge shout out to TwDi, for being such a sweetie and pimping this story out in her fic "You Don't Know Anything" I heart you hard BB.**

**Many thanks, as usual, to Covermeinfeathers, Amery Marie, Fragile Human, TwiDi and Lindsi Loolabell for pre-reading, pointing out grammar errors and just listening to me rant and rave non-stop- I can't tell you girls enough just how much I luvs ya all~**

**Christmas Gift ~ So I am working on something special for you all ~ A Christmas gift of sorts - a multi chapter song fic. Bella and Edward style, just a little something that was tossing around in my head. First chapter will be posted X-Mas Eve- My gift to you- Merry Christmas- Mwah!**

**Wanna give me a special X-Mas gift? Reviews would truly be perfect *wink wink***


	10. Chapter 10

**This is it. The last "present" chapter until "past meets present" I am thinking chaps 11 and 12 will be "past" and 13 the BIG one "past meets present, where it all unfolds" there will be 3 to 4 more after the 'unfolding' to further help in understanding what all went on.**

**Sorry for the review reply fail, the update fail, hell, the all around fail. **

**Holidays were insane - no Edward under my tree- sniffles.**

**Though I know my dissapointment by that reality is no excuse for my fails. I really do.**

**So, let me thank the few of you who did review right here.**

**twilightnaley19,amgrant3,dazzledtina, Fragile Human, Mambomamma, StarryEyedGlimmer, pixiekat7, and TwiDi. Thank you, all of you, for taking the time to hit that review buton and share ur thoughts with me. It really does do wonders for my writing and ego...lol**

**Hope4more - I can't remember if I replied to your review in chapter 8- ping me, let me know. I apologize if I didn't and would love to through u a bone- an even bigger bone if I did indded forget to reply. As a peace offereing, grovelling kinda thing???**

* * *

**Theory of a Deadman – Not meant to be**

**It's never enough to say I'm sorry  
It's never enough to say I care  
But I'm caught between what you  
Wanted from me, and knowing  
If I give that to ya  
I might just disappear.  
**

**Present Day – 2009**

It had been over twenty-four hours since Carlisle walked out the door and out of our lives. I hadn't heard from him at all since then. Once, in a moment of weakness, I called his office, but of course only to receive the answering machine.

I was tempted to go down there yesterday after Emma told me her daddy came to visit her while at the playground.

The thought of Carlisle sneaking around to see our daughter angered me. Did he honestly think I wouldn't allow him to see her if he came to me and asked? Or did he honestly not want to see _me_?

I was torn, one part of me so sure of what I had seen, what Carlisle had done. The other confused and tormented. What if my mind was really fucking with me? What if I just threw away the only happiness I had ever known, for nothing?

My cell phone ringing tore me from my torturous contemplations. I dug around in my purse and pulled it out. Unknown number. I cleared my throat and flipped it open.

"Hello," I said softly into the phone, wiping away a few stray tears that had seeped out unnoticed.

"Mrs. Cullen?" came a very anxious, familiar voice on the other line.

"Yes."

"It's Emma; we need you to come down to the school immediately."

"What about Emma? Is she okay? Is she hurt?" My chest constricted painfully, a feeling I was becoming familiar with. My mind was racing, going through the motions of conjuring up every horrific scenario my over-active imagination could possibly pull forward.

"Maybe…you should just come down here and we can explain everything to you…"

"No," I interrupted,"How about you tell me right fucking now. What the hell has happened to my daughter?" I knew I was becoming hysterical, my voice already rising a few octaves higher than normal, but I didn't give a shit. I already had my coat on and had closed the door hastily on my way to my car.

As I peeled out of the driveway, almost hitting the tall Spruce tree at the end of the drive in my haste, she finally exhaled and in a shaky voice answered me, "We…we can't seem to find her."

I stormed up the long drive at the school and flew through the front doors, startling the receptionist who was perched by the doorway. "What do you mean you can't fucking find her?" I screeched hysterically, unconsciously taking a step towards the wide-eyed nun and watched as she too took a step back, obviously frightened by my crazed behavior.

"She…she…was here…but she hid again…and we can't… uh… find her this time." The nun stuttered out.

I spun to run from the room and begin searching for her and slammed into the hard chest of one surprised looking police officer.

"Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes…"

"Please follow me. I have a few questions for you, and if you happen to have a recent picture of your daughter that would help immensely."

One hour later I sat broken, scared and defeated. I had tried calling Carlisle numerous times, but always got his voicemail. After leaving four or five messages, each one nastier than the last, I gave up.

I buried my blotchy face into my shaking hands and sobbed, feeling useless and inadequate.

"Mrs. Cullen?" The sound of the officer's voice startled me from my thoughts, "...Yes..." My own voice, so hoarse from crying and lack of use, barely sounded human to me. I was surprised when he acknowledged he had actually heard me.

"You said Emma was wearing a red sweater, right?" The officer was staring at his pad, obviously waiting for me to answer. What the hell was so important on that damn pad?

"Yes.... she was..." I managed to squeak out, my motherly instincts kicking in on overdrive-warning me something was very, very wrong. I bounced out of my seat like my ass was on fire, startling the officer as I flew at him. "What is it? Please you have to tell me." I was sobbing once again, my voice faltering with every other word. I looked into his eyes, trying to convey every ounce of desperation I was feeling to him. He sighed and his shoulders hunched slightly as he flipped his infamous pad of paper closed. "They found a red sweater at the edge of the forest near your home."

"Oh God, Emma." I moaned out before flying out the door without a second glance back at the officer.

What the fuck was she doing in the forest? Did she not know what a stunt like this would do to me? How dangerous such an act could be?

~~oo~~

I stumbled into the forest at full speed. Tripping and stumbling over various items on the sloshy ground. Twigs, tree roots, branches, vines, a back pack….wait!

With trembling fingers and a sinking heart I gingerly lifted what I already knew was Emma's backpack from the ground. I caressed it as if it were actually her and not just a belonging of hers. Tears pooled in my ever shifting eyes as I took in the swiftly darkening forest. A soft rustling sound caught my attention, I shifted my body immediately and darted in the direction the sound had come from, "Emma… Emma, baby, is that you? Answer me, baby, do you need help? Are you hurt?"

As usual, my over active imagination ran wild, images of Emma, broken and scared and alone taunting my vision as I fumbled through the thick foliage, deeper and deeper into the dense forest.

I stopped abruptly as a shadowed figure came into view. I could not make out the figure, but it was petite and I knew, deep within me without seeing, that is was surely Emma.

"Baby, are you okay? Come to Mommy, let me hold you. You had me so worried." I whimpered, my voice faltering at each word.

Slowly the figure moved closer, but not much, just enough for me to make out her face, Emma's face. Filled with anger and resentment and something I couldn't quite place.

Her eyes almost flashing a crimson fiery red, I gasped as her voice came out much older than humanly possible. Matured and wrong, but definitely hers.

"You have no right to ask for my comfort. You don't even want to comfort me, you want to comfort yourself. Does your selfishness know no bounds, Rosalie?"

I blanched at her use of my full name. Barely anyone referred to me as 'Rosalie' anymore. It was always Rose or Mrs. Cullen, never Rosalie. Not since…

"Wh… what did you just call me?" I asked, in a rather harsh tone, much harsher than I meant for it to be.

"Rosalie, Don't look at me like that. I have something to say, and I want you to listen."

"Okay, but first, what is wrong with your voice? Why do you sound like that? And most of all, are you okay?" I pleaded softly with her, desperate for a few answers. I would eagerly listen to anything she wanted to say right now, but I just had to know first that she was okay.

"I am fine. Lonely, sad, trapped, frustrated… the list goes on and on, but ultimately, I am fine."

My mind still reeled from the sound of her voice, that deep adult-like tone and her use of words I had never once heard her utter in her short life. But I steadied myself and pushed those thoughts away, needing to focus on more important things, her safety for one and some much needed answers as well. It didn't go unnoticed by me that she only answered one of my three questions. I wasn't going to push though - something in her blazing eyes registered as too familiar, and I knew it was best not to push her any further or I might regret it.

"I am not supposed to be here. I am only here because of you, _for _you. You have to accept the truth, let go of the past and let me move on. Go back to where I belong. I am not your baby girl. I almost was, but it was just never meant to be. I love you more than would seem possible, considering, which is why I came here, to try to help, but I can't do it anymore. It is time for me to go. Let go, Rosalie Hale, and let yourself move on, too.

Something in her words struck me. A vision, a memory, something that I had buried away long ago, desperate to never have resurface- waddled on the edge of my conscious memory, teetering…taunting…teasing…but I just couldn't quite grasp it.

I collapsed in a heap, wet leaves and soggy dark earth below me and let it all out. Everything. All the sadness, all the fear, all the images and visions that haunted me daily-fuzzy...distorted, almost visible but not quite; till one single, firm, beautiful image filled my head, blocked my vision and called to me, Bella.

I gasped softly as I heard her soft, tinkling voice in my head, whispering to me, beckoning me, pleading with me, 'come to me, Rose, let me help you. Let me say goodbye.'

My head snapped up, looking wildly around me and was oddly unsurprised to find myself alone. Emma nowhere to be seen. Gone. Like she should be. It was my fault, I knew that now. I just wasn't sure why yet, but I knew exactly where to get those answers. For some unknown, disturbingly chilling reason I was sure I would get those answers _there_, the one place I had avoided for so long. Tomorrow, I would go there tomorrow. I would attend the memorial, and I would find the answers I needed so I could make it all right, once and for all.

**So??? are you any closer to figuring it out yet? Review.....tell me what ur thinking? Any guesses?? Anything at all? Come on, you so have to have some theories boggling around in there...share, won't ya!**

**As always, I have to thank some very wonderful ladies, Amery Marie, Fragile Human, Mambomamma, TwiDi, covermeinfeathers, and my almost ex-wifey Lindsi loolabell (ask me for this story and I will so rat her out to you- insert evil laugh here) for pre-reading this shizz and helping me through the rough spots.**

**I am beginning to wonder if these girls aren't pre-reading to save them a trip over here, I am so failing to see reviews at all from half of them...Cough cough, growl growl, hint hint. Ladies, don't make me beat ur asses.**

**Happy New Year everybody I hope you had a great holiday.**

**xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here ya go, again, sorry for the wait. Still slowly responding to the reviews, which I so know I have gotten bad at. Bear with me, I read them all, and try to answer ones with questions and such right away. But, I can't always be review-replying, or, I would so never get any writing done, which as most of you know, is a lot of writing. I am constantly working on way more than 1 thing at a time.**

**So, in case I didn't get to your review yet, I thank you all for your continued support and encouragement – textbratt67, yankeerose, TwiDi, KyuketsukiInOki, tuckerjnp1, justginger, Mambomama, cathy34, jarielynn, hnwhitlock2000, twilightnaley19, dazzledtina, pixiekat7. **

**Please read special announcement below*******when ur done with the chap , of course.**

**Chapter 11**

**1994 - The Past**

"What a giant butt monkey." Bella growled. She looked fierce, angry, pissed, so un-Bella-like, as she paced the floor in front of me, her eyes flashing wide and red. Something calmly scary dancing about in them, it was almost enough to scare me, and that was knowing that none of it was even directed towards me. I had only ever seen her this way once before…the night she found me in...the garage...with him. I shuddered, just thinking of him made my skin crawl and my pulse pick up to a deathly, erratic pace.

I sniffled and swiped at a few stray tears left lingering on my blotchy cheeks, "Don't get yourself so worked up over it, Bella, I knew better. I knew what he was like and still I stayed and put up with his shit. That alone almost makes me deserve what I got. I just...I just don't get it. You don't know him the way I do, sometimes...you can almost see a hurt little boy hiding in his eyes. Sometimes." I sighed as Bella looked at me incredulously. I knew she thought I was nuts to defend Emmett in any way, shape or form, but honestly, she didn't see the things I saw. He wasn't always so awful, just most of the time.

"Can...can we just not talk about it anymore? Let's talk about something...happy." I pleaded, giving Bella the best puppy dog eyes I could muster up, given the pain shooting through every inch of my body.

Bella quirked her brow at me, cocked her head and scanned her eyes over me thoroughly before shrugging her shoulders and nodding her head. She was used to my swift mood swings by now. She claimed she never understood how I just moved past things so easily, but envied me for it none-the-less. If she only knew the things I did to forget, the torture I put my heart through, just how low I would sink to make the pain go away, to pretend to feel...loved.

We spent the rest of the night, sprawled out on her living room floor, painting each other's toe nails and reading Cosmo magazines that taught us "How to snag the perfect man" and "How to kiss him into submission." Ha! What a bunch of bull.

"So...ummm....I think I am in love with Edward Masen..." Bella whispered in a soft voice, trailing off at the end and lowering her head to hide behind her long mahogany hair.

"What! When? How come you didn't tell me?" I jumped from my comfy place on the floor and glared at her. Bella, my best friend, in love Mr. Hot Pants, and I was probably the last to know. I felt a pang in my chest and a sneering voice in my head mocked me, _"If you spent more time paying attention to the people who actually care about you and matter instead of getting your ass fucked, maybe you would have known."_

I gasped softly; the voice was right, I was an awful friend. I should have been there for Bella. I should have been there to talk to, to listen, to jump up and down like school girls should when they get the guy of their dreams. Instead, I was off fucking the first slimy man that I could trick into bed, being treated like shit and fucking up the only thing in my life left that was good and pure. My friendship with Bella.

"I am so sorry, Bella, I am a terrible friend." I confessed softly, bowing my head in shame as a solitary tear slid past my shifty eyes.

"Don't be, Rosie-kins, I still love you, and without you around I was able to get to know him the honorable way instead of you coaxing me into some sinful mini skirt in an attempt to seduce him with sultry looks and bad pick up lines." We both looked at each other, our faces twitching as we tried vainly to fend of the fits of laughter that were threatening to escape our now quivering bodies. We lasted mere seconds before we both collapsed on the floor in a hysterical fit of giggles and snorts.

"You...you're so...right." I gasped out, clutching my stomach and licking the corner of my mouth to catch the small drizzle of drool that slipped past my lips as my mouth hung open snorting.

Once our giggles died down we crawled into our sleeping bags and flicked out the lights. Lying in pure darkness we spent the next two hours poring over Bella's hopes and dreams with the infamous Edward Masen.

Bella told me the two of them had been talking quite often in English Lit class; sharing heart-pattering words as they sat through some romantic, black and white showing of Pride and Prejudice. Telling her he was going to marry her one day. He just knew it.

I sighed and squeed with her. She was so lucky; it was not everyday a girl snagged the perfect man, and even though Edward Masen was not my type of perfect man, he was still the most perfect man I had ever met. I envied Bella, she was so lucky to have someone fawn over her and treat her like a princess. But if there were ever a girl who deserved that kind of happiness, it was Bella Swan.

"I'm so happy for you, Bella, You so deserve this. You had better remember me when naming your first of six ubber perfect babies. I can just picture them now, Edward's piercing green eyes, your pale skin, Edward's crazy colored hair. So adorable. You two are just perfect. So you two are like…dating now?"

Bella's face fell, "No, not dating, in fact, we have yet to even go on a date. It is more flirting than anything. I just don't get him, you know. He likes me, obviously. I like him, so what's the hold up?"

Bella giggled and rolled onto her stomach, I could vaguely make out the wistful look on her face, "I love him, Rose, really, truly love him."

"I know. I can see it in your eyes every time you mention his name or someone else brings him up."

"I know this is going to sound cheesy but, I wrote him a note and told him I love him. He didn't run, Bella, he wrote me back and told me he thinks he is falling in love with me, too."

"Holy hell, Bella, that's monumental. Do you know how hard it is for men to share their real feelings?"

"I know. I am so excited. He says he has a surprise for me after graduation. I am so nervous. What if he gets a hotel room and wants to...you know...do ..._it_?"

"Well, even though I think you are wrong. Would it, honestly, be so bad if he did?" I quirked my brow at her, she sighed. "No, see! It would probably be just as perfect as him. But, I am thinking you are totally off base about that. He probably wants to do something massive like profess his love to you in front of the whole school or some shit. That sounds so Edward-like." I snorted and Bella punched my arm.

"I think I'd just settle for him to ask me on our first date or, better yet, make us exclusive. That would be a good start." Bella said with a huff. I couldn't blame her. Edward really was doing this thing rather backwards. It was all sweet, romantic, and sappy as hell, but, still backwards.

We were silent after that, just listening to the sound of the wild wind whipping around the house and letting the soft clinking of rain lull us to sleep, "I love you, Bells." I whispered softly into the dark, thinking she was already sleeping but needing to say it anyways.

I felt her hand twine with mine as she groggily whispered, "Love you always, Rosie." Before her soft snoring filled the room.

**One Month Later**

"Hello?" I breathed into my cell phone, not yet quite awake, but not exactly still sleeping either.

"Rosalie?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is Carlisle Cullen." The sweet, melodic voice replied.

_Who? _

"I'm sorry but… who?"

The deep voice on the other line chuckled softly, "Carlisle, or you might remember me better as Dr. Cullen."

Click…Oh my God, Oh my God! Dr. Cullen. Dr. Mc-fucking-hot-ass was calling me? Finally, after almost two months since he had been at the school doing his presentation.

Okay, Rose, calm down. Take deep breaths, you can do this, just act cool. Dr. Come-hither-smile does not want to talk to a blubbering fool.

"Oh yes, Hi. Sorry, I forgot." Fuck! Good one, Rose, now he is going to think he was just a passing infatuation for you.

"I mean, I didn't forget, how could I? I just meant….Ummm….I didn't know your first name, sorry."

Dr. Fuck-me-eyes chuckled on the other line, "No worries, Rose, I hope it is okay that I am calling…"

He actually sounded nervous-unsure, how cute.

"Of course. I am glad to hear from you, but, if you don't mind me asking…."

I stopped my line of questioning for a moment. How do you ask a God like him, politely, why he is calling without sounding rude?

"Go ahead." Dr…I mean Carlisle prompted.

"Ummm…was there a reason for your, umm, call?" I asked, barely in a whisper, nerves jumping about in my chest.

"Well, I got the impression that last time we saw each other that maybe you'd like to go to dinner with me."

I was shocked silent. I wasn't sure what to say; how to reply.

God, Rose, compose yourself, say something, anything, or he is going to think you are in special Ed for God's sake.

"Umm…maybe I read you wrong. I'm sorry, maybe it was wrong of me to call…"

"No, please don't. I mean, yes, I wanted you to call, and no you didn't read me wrong. I guess I am just kind of surprised. That you called, that is."

"I see. Well are you free tomorrow evening?"

Tomorrow evening? Holy hell, I need to go shopping. I opened my mouth to say 'Hell, Yeah!' when I remembered what tomorrow was. "No, actually I am not."

"Oh, I see. Well…" Wait did he sound rejected? Dismissed? Sad, even?

"What I mean is, tomorrow is my birthday, my eighteenth actually, and my friend Bella and I are going out, but I'm available Friday." I interjected before he could change his mind.

"Well then, how can I say no to the birthday girl? Eighteen eh! That's perfect, wonderful. Happy early birthday. Where shall I pick you up from on Friday, at say….seven?"

_Friday! Hmmm, Mom likely wouldn't be home, so here was safe. Yes, here would be fine._

I rang off my address to him, and he assured me he would be here at seven pm sharp and told me to dress for a fancy restaurant before he said good-bye.

I clicked my phone shut and squealed like a child. Holy hell, I am going on a date with Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

_Happy Birthday to me, indeed._

~~oo~~

Luckily I didn't have to shop for a spunktacular outfit, I had plenty of those. The seduce-me-you-know-I-want-you-to kind of outfits. Revealing, but not too revealing; naughty, but kind of nice. I settled on a hip hugging, figure flaunting, sinuous red dress with a slit straight up the thigh and a v- neck dip in the chest so low there was no way to wear a bra and get away with it. I coupled it with a pair of 4 inch fuck-me pumps and a simple tear-drop necklace. Oh, I would so make this man swoon.

I quickly folded up my outfit of choice and packed it away in the back of my closet, just in case 'mommy-dearest' decided to take a healthy interest in her _daughter_ at an inopportune time and actually notice my rather skimpy attire these days.

"What's with all the bags?" Bella asked as she helped me lug in the second monstrosity of a duffle bag.

"Well, I am spending the night and I have to look good, don't I?"

"Nice try, Rose. Spill it!" Bella scowled, eyeing me up speculatively. She knew me too well, and there was just no lying to the girl. Not that I really wanted to anyway, in fact, I wanted nothing more than to scream my news on the roof tops.

"Are we alone?" I hissed, scanning the doorways for any sign of Bella's parents.

"Yeah, Mom and Dad are at work, then they are going to dinner afterwards to give us some girly time."

As we assembled the living room into our usual slumber- arrangement I told Bella everything. She stared at me wide-eyed when I had finished explaining what I had planned for tomorrow night, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water gasping for air.

"You….you're gonna what?" Bella shrieked when she was finally able to sputter an actual word or two…or three.

"Settle down, Belly bear, I know what I am doing, and stop giving me that 'are you serious' look. I want this. I need this. Please just be happy for me." I pleaded with her, giving her the saddest eyes I could manage. I prayed she saw past the fake 'puppy dog eyes' and saw this for what I truly saw it as. As chance to be happy, to be wanted. Maybe not a _happily ever after_. Hell, maybe not even a Happy New Year. But a teensy bit of happiness, just to help me get by.

Bella sighed and lowered her blazing eyes to the ground- shuffling her feet and wringing her hands together- both signs of unwelcomed defeat. This was her way of telling me she would, once again, keep her opinion to herself, but she wasn't happy about it in the least. I knew that look and those actions all too well.

"Come on; want to open your gifts?" Bella called as she made her way back into the kitchen.

"Hell yes I do. What'd ya get me, sugar?" I teased as I smacked her ass and skipped past her.

Bella squealed and swatted at me, missing me by a mile, as I was already long past her and rummaging in the kitchen for the hiding place my gifts would be in.

Bella did this every year, too. She would hide my gifts and make me find them. It never took long, 'cause being Bella meant being predictable, and I always found the gifts in one of the same three places.

I opened the fridge and flung open the crisper - nope not there this time.

I hummed and hawed as Bella giggled and rolled her eyes at me.

I skipped over to the bread box and peaked inside- hmmm, not in there, either.

"Ah ha!" I bellowed as I whipped open the oven door. NOTHING!

I turned and looked at Bella, my eye brows raised and twitching, I hated waiting. I was no good at it. Impatience was one of my many flaws.

"Don't look at me like that, you barbarian. If you had paid any attention to me, instead of scouring my kitchen like you are on a darn Easter egg hunt, you'd have noticed the huge box I have been holding behind my back the whole time.

I growled playfully and lunged at her. Bella's eyes widened as she dashed out the door and scampered for the stairs, her long chestnut hair flowing behind her like a veil and whipping me in the face.

When I finally caught up to her, she was sitting Indian style on her bed a smug smile on her face and the pretty silver box with the bright pink bow sitting directly in front of her.

I stopped dead in my tracks, cocked my head to the side and internally debated what her next move was. She snorted and patted the bed. "Come on, I'm done playing with you. Come and open your gift."

I bounced on the bed beside her and pulled her into a sideways hug before tearing at the pretty paper only to reveal a large plain brown box. I opened that, and once again, found another brown box. I huffed and tore it open too ignoring Bella's hysterical laughter. I could only imagine how amusing I was currently being, scowling and humphing at the never ending boxes.

Three boxes later I came to what appeared to be a shoe box. It was decorated in quotes and sayings. Experts from books I recalled Bella reading to me during my stint in the hospital _that _year. On the lid is a picture of us, both of us, the very first picture we had done together. I smiled down at the image of a younger Bella, all scrawny and wearing glasses way too big for her tiny face. I cringed when I examined the younger me, brace laden teeth and frizzy hair in a pony tail at the top of my head with my bangs all puffed up. Oh my, the good old days.

I laughed hysterically when I read the saying on the bottom of the box. The only comical saying on the whole darn thing. "A friend will help you move, a real friend will help you move a body." It was so Bella, and even though I knew she had the saying wrong, It was perfect none-the-less.

"Belly, it is perfect, thank you." I gushed as I once again threw my arms around her, squeezing her tight and kissing her cheek playfully.

"I love it. I really do."

"Open it up, Rose, there are things inside, too, ya know." She said, rolling her eyes and shoving me.

Inside I found a piece of hair attached to a ribbon, I remembered this piece of hair all too well. This was my punishment for ditching Bella to sleep with Eric Yorkie at a party I had dragged her unwillingly to. Once she was finally able to lug my wasted ass back to my empty house, she chopped zigzags into the under layer of my hair and left a note by my pillow saying next time it would be my boobs and to never ditch her like that again. I spent three weeks making it up to her, by being on "Masen duty'. Which meant constantly keeping an ear and an eye on her dream boy to see if there was any indication he was interested in anyone. Sad, I know, but I did it for her.

I finished going through the box, and a few more memorable trinkets from our time together, before closing the lid, sniffling like the girl I was not and swiping at a stray tear that had slipped past unnoticed.

"I love you, Belly." I whispered as we curled up together in her bed, not even bothering to make it back downstairs to our sleeping bags before we fell asleep.

~~oo~~

Carlisle arrived right on time. Looking like a dashing prince in his slacks and overcoat. So dreamy, so perfect, so fucking sexy.

"Are you all ready to go?" He asked as he flashed me a sweet crooked grin.

"Uh huh!" _Oh how articulate, Rose, dazzle him with your amazing vocabulary skill_s. I silently scolded myself as I reached for my jacket and closed the door behind me.

We drove in relative silence all the way to the restaurant in Port Angeles. One hell of a fancy restaurant at that, I might add.

Carlisle opened my door for me, like a true gentleman, and took my hand to help me out. After closing the door, he gently kissed my cheek; his warm, cinnamony breath tickled my skin as it swam across my flaming flesh. Wow, no man had ever made me blush before.

"You look absolutely delectable tonight, did you know that?"

"Uh huh." Again with the lack of vocab. This man seriously had a way of turning me into a pile of gibbering useless mush.

"Reservation under Cullen." He said curtly to the Maître D.

"Yes, sir, right this way."

After we were seated and the skanky, flirtatious waitress, who surprisingly didn't card me, was shooed away with our wine order, I couldn't hold back my curiosity any longer.

"So, Carlisle, I have to ask. Why did you call? I mean…it has been awhile; what made you decide to call?"

Carlisle chuckled softly and placed his hand across the table taking mine into his and rubbing his thumb along my fingers gently, it was surprisingly soothing and much needed.

"To be honest," he began, looking kind of bashful, "I was wary of your age. You must know I am older than you. Much older. And I assumed you to be around seventeen. I was going through some rough stuff and just didn't want to complicate things."

I crunched my brows together in confusion. It made sense, but then why was he calling me now?

"So, why call now, then?" I spat out, sounding rather insulted and not exactly meaning to.

"Well… the complications aren't so complicated now, and you must have been able to tell that I was attracted to you. I am not that good an actor. However, your age still worried me. When you mentioned your birthday on the phone, you put me quite at ease."

I could handle that. "I see. Well, that makes sense. I am glad you called." I responded, trying to sound formal and adult-like.

Again, Carlisle's laughter rang clear at our table, his blue eyes sparkling in amusement and the corners of his eyes crinkling up, making him look so adorable.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed, but please, don't try and act different for me. I am attracted to you for you, not for you to be more like me. Okay?"

I nodded, again with the blushing, and enjoyed the rest of dinner as me, without as many expletives as I'd normally use, but still me.

When we finished eating, my nerves began to get the better of me. I chugged back my third glass of wine and giggled girlishly.

Carlisle leaned across the table and took my ran his thumb across my cheek with his hand cupping my chin and asked me softly, "Would you care to go somewhere more private with me?"

My throat closed up and all thoughts escaped me, this time I couldn't even manage the 'uh huh' I just merely nodded.

He threw some money on the table and led me by the hand out the door. Stopping at the passenger door to open it for me and placing a feather light kiss against the side of my neck before I got in. My legs damn near gave out from nerves. Everything about him, his voice, his eyes, his hands, his touch, they all caused me to puddle into a shivering mess of nerves and incoherency. I had never felt this way before. It was kind of nerve wracking and unsettling.

Again we drove in silence, this time with my hand in his. The drive was much shorter, and it appeared we had no need to check in. Carlisle already had a key card in his wallet.

I cocked my head at him in question, "I thought I'd think ahead. But never expected anything, just wanted to be prepared." He answered my silent question, actually looking quite embarrassed.

I stepped forward and conjured up all of my courage as I placed my lips gently against his- so soft- so smooth- "I am glad you had that foresight." I breathed as I pulled away from him and walked towards room 403 as the key card indicated.

~~oo~~

I stood there staring at him a little awkwardly as he closed the motel door behind us. I turned to take in my surroundings as he removed his jacket and threw it on the chair by the door and loosened his tie.

_Come on, Rose, get it together! He's not one of the losers from high school, he's a fucking 'to die for' man that wants to be here with you. He puts Emmett to shame...but then that wasn't really a hard thing to do. _

"I've been thinking about you, you know, ever since I saw you that day at school, since you gave me your number. If only you'd had your birthday before now." He whispered the last part against my throat after closing the distance between us.

I shuddered as his breath veiled my skin; causing my knees to quake where I stood. I'd slept with plenty of guys before, but something about Dr. Cullen made me feel inexperienced and almost shy.

His fingers slid into my hair, brushing it back so he could look at me in the eyes. His gorgeous blue topaz eyes piercing into mine, touching my very soul.

I felt like a fucking virginal deer caught in headlights.

"Yo..you have?" Oh, real sophisticated, Rose. I chastised myself for my immaturity.

"Mmhmm." He hummed in my ear before pulling my lobe into his warm mouth.

"Oh!" I gasped at the sensation that ran straight to my pussy; causing it to hum its own tune of desire.

His lips made their way to my mouth before his tongue sought access to mine. I wasn't about to deny this man anything. I'd wanted him; wanted to know the feeling of having him buried inside of me. And now I was going to get my wish. Our mouths locked and lapped, nipped and suckled, before he flipped open the clasp at the back of my halter dress, letting it fall away from my shoulders and flutter to my waist to reveal my pert breasts and fully erect nipples.

He mumbled something to himself before taking my pebbled peak into his mouth. He devoured me while palming my other breast. All worries about being inexperienced vacated my mind as roll after roll of pure unadulterated pleasure coursed through me. His hands travelled down my sides and down the back of my thighs, stopping and gripping behind my knees. I took the hint and jumped slightly as he hitched me up; my legs wrapping around him of their own violation. He took my bottom lip into the sanctuary of his heated mouth; releasing it with a gentle pop.

I sought his lips and captured his delicious tongue with my own as he carried me over to the bed and lowered me down onto the cheap, generic, poly-cotton comforter. I allowed him to roam my body at his will; reveling in the contact of his talented hands on my ivory skin. My hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt while he kissed and nipped at my collarbone. I growled in frustration and he sensed my dilemma -grabbing the fabric covering his back and lifting it over his head.

The Doc must have been carved out of perfection - a God - for no mortal man could be that sculpted by exercise alone.

My eyes raked over his body as he undid the button of his pants and removed them effortlessly. His movements were fluid and fast, and before I knew what had happened, he was lined up and ready to go. He looked up into my eyes for permission before pushing his hardened cock into my awaiting pussy. I gasped and clawed at his back when his length proved too much to take in one thrust. I mean, I was beyond wet, yet it still took him a few measured strokes to be completely sheathed in my heated core; before my body fully adjusted to take him wholly. But the feel of him inside me was beyond words. He filled me more than any man ever had, touched parts of me that others had failed to reach. My orgasm started to build instantly as he rocked back and forth, pulling out, then plowing back in, pushing me and pulling me to the very brink of ecstasy.

"Oh, God, you're so tight...Wet...Unghhhhh." He groaned into my neck while he put more power into his actions.

"Carlisle, I...OH FUCK!" I screamed when my body unraveled around him, not once, but twice in quick succession.

I was panting and heaving, yet he seemed nowhere near done with me. He sat back on his heels and lifted my ass off the bed. I growled and thrashed as he continued to elicit the most exquisite sensations from deep within me. I lost count at the amount of times he made me come, but I didn't want him to stop either, even though exhaustion was creeping through me. He pulled me up into his lap and hooked his arms under my ass to give him leverage to lift me along his length. He leaned back slightly and watched as our bodies collided, watched as his cock dove in and out of me forcefully.

"Wait." I lifted off of him and turned around, getting on all fours and wiggling my ass in his face as an invite to fuck me doggy style.

He took the bait; growling as he plunged into me repeatedly. I loved this position, it allowed me to feel so much more, and I exploded around him again. Again, he leaned back and watched in rapt fascination as his dick impaled me. His hand came down and slapped the top of my thigh before he grabbed and kneaded the flesh in his grasp. I felt him part my cheeks slightly before he groaned in approval of his view. I was in the buildup of another orgasm when I felt a gentle pressure against my anus. I froze momentarily, remembering the times with Emmett, and how much they had hurt. Carlisle was gentle though, he made it feel different, in fact, it felt fucking amazing and had me gasping and clawing at the quilt below me. The pressure changed as he pushed his finger all the way into me; slowly at first to get me used to it, then he mimicked the thrusts of his cock. The combination of the two made me lose it again, but this time he followed suit and spilled his seed into me.

"Fuck, Rosalie! UNNGGHHHHHH!" His cries of pleasure sounded strained with the force of his orgasm, and he panted and moaned in delight before collapsing in a fit of exhaustion by my side.

We curled into each other- almost spooning but backwards, completely entwined- legs, arms, bodies flush and sweaty as we both fell into a satiated slumber.

~~oo~~

The next morning was kind of hazy, apparently, I drank a tad too much of the wine Carlisle had offered me at the restaurant, and it had definitely gone to my head.

Carlisle had to get to work and was anxious to get me back to my house at the ungodly hour of seven AM. He planted a soft kiss along my hairline before I stumbled out of his car door and fell in the door as the lock un-clicked. Trudging my way upstairs the second the door clanked shut behind me, and throwing myself into the soft comfort of my bed, not even the excitement of last night could keep me awake. A girl just couldn't function properly on three hours' sleep.

I awoke groggily to the sound of banging on the front door, a quick glance at my bedside clock showed me it was already four o'clock in the afternoon. Holy hell, Carlisle sure wore me out last night, and this morning, over and over again. I smiled; it had been a good, long, pleasurable night indeed.

The incessant banging continued, pulling me, unwillingly, from my reminiscing. Just as I flung my legs out of my bed, I heard the high pitch chirp of my cell phone indicating I had a new text. I grabbed it off my night stand and flipped it open as I padded down the hall to answer the door and give the badgering asshole on the other side of it one hell of a piece of my mind.

_From: Carlisle (mobile) _

_To: Rosie (mobile)_

_Received at 4:03PM_

_Had a great time last night. Hope you like the flowers, birthday girl._

Xx

I gasped as I took in the huge bouquet the greasy, pimple covered kid in front of me held. Scowling at me he asked if I was Rosalie Hale. "Yes, yes I am." I responded in an incredulous voice, breathy and light- so unlike me.

He handed me the huge vase full of roses - pink ones, red ones, and beautiful white ones, all mixed in with what I was pretty sure was baby's breath and a ton of greenery.

I skipped back into my room on a Carlisle induced floral high, sniffing the pretty buds and blossoms, and truly smiling for the first time in a really long time.

I snapped open my cell phone and replied to his text.

_From: Rosie (mobile)_

_To: Carlisle (mobile)_

_Sent at 4:16PM_

_They R gorgeous. Ur 2 sweet. I love em. When can I C U again?_

**Bam! Did ya see that shit coming? Carlisle…naughty boy, right…..hmmm….now ur all wondering what parts of the present were actually real and what were not- considering most of you thought the whole Carlisle part was a figment of her imagination, yeah!**

**Review, please, you know you want to and u so know I fucking love getting them.**

**Special announcement ---**

**I am working on pulling together the next countdown- one after v-day- which will have an assortment of April Fool's day one shots and Patty's day one shots. Needs me a few more authors though- so any of ya out there interested, please PM me ASAP or pass the info along to someone else u know who may be interested- OR BOTH. Lol**

**Huge huggles and smooches and shit to some of my fav girls. Amery Marie, Fragile Human, Mambomama, TwiDi, Lindsi loolabell, and covermeinfeathers. Without these girls, I am sure this story would be a mush of non-sensical gibberish with a lot of blah blah blahs in there somewhere. Lurvs ya's bunches. Super special thanks to Lindsi loolabell – my wifey and permanent shoulder to gripe on. She got me through some seriously **_**sticky**_** parts in this chap- and without her it wouldn't have been half as good. **


	12. Chapter 12

**K, so this was supposed to be the last 'Past Chapter' but it's not- there will be one more before the 'past meets present chap'.**

**Shout outs to: ocd-stl, amgrant3,pixiekat7, textbratt67, KyuketsukiInOki, yankeerose, Sunsetwing, cathy34, twilightnaley19, Fragile Human, Lindsi loolabell, StarryEyedGlimmer, crazykatwp, Mambomama, jarielynn, hnwhitlock2000, dazzledtina, and TwiDi for their lovely reviews. I read every one fo them, swear, I just have been having a review reply fail latley. Not that I don't want to talk to you lovely ppl, just that I have been insanley busy. Forgive me?**

**One week and The Countdown to V-Day begins - Don't miss it. Deets are already posted in the first chapter.**

**

* * *

**

**Britney Spears - Perfect lover**

**You're the perfect lover  
I'm in love with all the things you do  
So seductive when you touch me  
I can't get enough of you  
You're the best  
Baby, you got me obsessed  
And I can't catch my breath  
Baby, I must confess you got me  
Ah, ah, ah  
When you come around  
Got me so damn high  
Can't come down  
Every time you touch me there  
You make me feel so hot**

I love it  
everything you do is so seductive  
You got everything that I want and then some  
And I can't even front so listen  
I know what you're missing  
Better hurry up  
Cause time is ticking  
Tic Tock Tic Tock  
Come and Get me while I'm hot

**Chapter 12**

**1994- The Past**

"Oh, my God, Bella, it was perfect. He was perfect. The sex was…ahhhh…mind blowing." I sighed as I flopped onto my bed, peeking up at her as she tried to hide behind the dark veil of her long locks.

"Bella Marie Swan, don't tell me you're over there blushing! You had better get used to this kind of thing, for when Mr. Sex-on-legs decides to finally make his move, ya know."

"Rose!" Bella squealed, throwing a pillow at me and feigning mock horror.

"Seriously, Bella, maybe Masen falls for your good girl act, but I know better. You have so much 'naughty girl' potential it is not even funny." Just then I got the most amazing idea. I knew Bella would fight me on it, but come on, I so need to do this, for her, for me, hell, for Mr. Hot Pants. He is so going to owe me.

I jumped from the bed and stalked towards her. A plan already formulating in my mind.

"Rose…" Bella stuttered as she edged backwards towards the door.

"Yes, Bella?"

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing. I just_ so_ want you to try something on I found the other day at this pretty little shop downtown."

Honestly, I had bought it months ago, hoping to one day coax her into dressing a little more risky, show a little skin, maybe even, flaunt her shit a teensy bit. But the second I had brought up a 'Bella makeover', she had immediately shot it down. I never even got to show her the clothes.

"Rose, please, you know I don't like it when you make my face all trashy and squeeze me into outfits I am sure were actually made to fit a toddler, not an eighteen year old teenager."

_Go for the kill, Rose._ "Please, Belly, I just want to take a picture to keep in my new fantastical keepsake box, that my bestest of best friends made me. You don't even have to step outside. Just wear it in here, long enough for me to take a picture and fawn over you. I batted my long lashes and stuck my bottom lip out, knowing how impossible Bella found it to say no to me when I begged and pouted.

She rolled her eyes, huffed and tugged at the end of her dark brown hair. I squealed. I knew she'd cave, I just didn't think it would be that easy.

"Just don't do anything too awful to me, okay?" Bella pleaded her eyes going all shifty and widening in unneeded fear. Did she honestly think I was going to trash her all up? Not my Bella, I would never do that to her. She just needed a little…pizzazz…to bring out her already natural beauty and transform her into what I knew she could be. A full-out knockout. If Masen wasn't already pining like a lost puppy dog, he sure as shit would be when, and if, he saw her after I was done with her. I just had to figure out how to get her out of the house when I was done with her.

~~~oo~~~

"So, while I am sitting here being tortured by the one person who should love me enough to never inflict said torture on me, how about you…ummm…tell me a bit more about your Professor?" Bella cooed in a fake seductive voice, which sounded hilarious mixed with her embarrassed stutter. I chuckled a little and shook my head at her.

"You, Bella Swan, are just too damn prude-ish for your own damn good. But, okay I'll give, you can live vicariously through me for a little while longer." I teased. Bella stuck her tongue out at me and we both giggled at the absurdity of our behavior. Absurd or not, I loved the way we were. Together we could always be ourselves, no hiding, no faking, no judgment, just love and understanding and unconditional support.

"So…you are obviously, enjoying his company. I have barely seen you this past week."

"Oh, Bella, he is so perfect. As you know, we went out the day after my birthday and we ate and talked and laughed and did I tell you how perfect the sex was?"

Bella nodded and rolled her eyes at me. "But it is so much more than just sex. He sent me a huge bouquet of roses the next day, and we text all the time, oh, and the things he whispers in my ear at night when we are lying in each other's arms… Bella I swear I didn't know a man could be so perfect and I never thought I'd say this, never mind so quickly, but I think I am falling in love with him." A soft sigh fell from my lips as I absently tugged at Bella's hair, twisting and braiding and clasping it in a clip at the back of her head.

"Oh, Rose, I am so happy for you. As long as…." Bella's voice trailed off and I watched as she busied herself with picking at her chipped fingernails.

"As long as what?" I asked, an edginess in my voice I never intended to be there, it just…was.

"Nothing, it is nothing. Just ignore me. Sometimes I think too much, is all."

"Don't even try that with me, missy, as long as what?" I asked more firmly, somehow I knew I wasn't going to like what Bella was about to say, but I also knew I wanted her opinion, whether I liked it or not. I valued her input, her thoughts and suggestions, and this matter was no different. I was in way over my head, not used to the feelings I was having. The only other person I had ever come close to feeling this strongly for was Emmett and look how that turned out.

"I…I just hope you're being careful. I can see Carlisle is a nice guy and all…but…you do remember he is married right?"

"You mean was married." I interrupted, "He left her before he called me. He never hid that from me. They are separated and he is staying in a motel while she stays on at the house." I knew I was being rather forceful with my words, my voice dripped with finality, and I really wasn't meaning to dismiss Bella's concerns, in fact, they made me warm inside a little, but something, something I wasn't sure of, set warning bells off when she talked like that. And that, that right there, was what caused my feathers to ruffle and the insecure bitch in me to seep up and strike out.

"Okay, Rose, I get it. Forget I mentioned it." Bella said softly.

I immediately felt bad and wanted to make it better, if there was ever a person in this world I never wanted to hurt, it was Bella. And, go fucking figure, all it took was a sweet talking piece of ass for me to throw that promise to myself out the window.

"No, don't apologize, Bella. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was…I was just being a bitch. Thank you for worrying about me." Bella bounced out of her seat and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly before she pulled back and looked me in the eyes, "You and me against the world." She whispered, "You and me, forever."

"Okay, enough angsty emo moments for one day. Come here, princess Bella, your gown awaits." I chuckled and pulled her by her limp arm into the bedroom.

I pushed her down on the edge of my bed and began rummaging through the many, and I do mean many, outfits hanging in my walk-in closet.

A shoe box fell on my head; I grumbled and yelled at it, as if that would do anything, Bella laughed from the bedroom, apparently enjoying the show. And just as I found the outfit I was looking for I tripped over some loose clothes strewn along the closet floor and grasped at the first thing my hands came in contact with, which happened to be more clothes, of course. I sighed in relief as I slid down one of my most prized dresses, the fabric burned my fingers from the friction and I yelped out in pain and let go. Just then, the whole bar collapsed in a heap on top of me, hundreds of dresses and shirts covering me, burying me in a tomb of designer clothing.

By the time Bella's concerned face poked through the mountain of Gucci, Armani, and Chanel. I was in hysterics, tears streaming down my face as I clutched at my sides, physically in pain from laughing so damn hard.

"Rose, are you okay? Oh my God, did you hurt yourself? Is anything broken?"

It took a mere few seconds for Bella to process the sight before her and realize I was far from in pain, and actually enjoying my little incident way too much.

Hours later, when we had gotten the bar back up and in place in my closet and returned the now crumpled clothing to their rightful places, I finally flung the outfit at Bella. Her eyes widened as she pulled the plastic carefully off, revealing the dark, royal blue silk blouse – with a dip so low her cleavage would surely show a teensy bit, and the white denim skinny jeans. "Rose, I can't wear this shirt, the jeans, maybe, but the shirt, no." Bella said with a slight tremor in her voice.

"Come on, Belly, you promised. And I did almost get a concussion for you, so you owe me." I said, not feeling shameful in the least for blackmailing her.

Just then my phone beeped, indicating I had a text.

I flew across the room and scooped it up off the nightstand, like a kid in a candy shop I bounced gleefully on my feet as I clicked the message.

_From : Carlisle (mobile)_

_To: Rosie (mobile)_

_Sent at 7:14PM_

_Miss you and wish you were here by my side. Touching you, kissing you, holding you._

I swooned, seriously, I actually swooned. "Oh my God, Bella, he is too fucking perfect. I quickly and dreamily read the text to her and damn, that girl actually smiled for once. "That is pretty sweet," she admitted.

I grinned, "I know, right." I replied as I began to text him back.

_To: Carlisle (mobile)_

_From: Rosie (mobile)_

_Sent at 7:17PM_

_Going 2 take Bella 2 the movies, I miss you 2. Can I come over 2nite?_

_Xx_

As Bella shimmied on the tight as fuck skinny jeans my phone beeped once more.

_To: Rosie (mobile)_

_From: Carlisle (mobile)_

_Sent at 7:18PM_

_Of course, I will wait up for you._

_Xx_

I finally got Bella into the blouse and even convinced her to go to the movies wearing it by telling her that is was dark in the theatre, and that by the time she took off her overcoat, no one would be able to see her anyway.

"Bella, is that you?"

"Holy crunk, Rose, it's Edward. What am I going to say to him when he sees me in this?" Bella asked me frantically, her nails digging painfully into my arm and her eyes wide with horror and fear.

"Calm down, Bells, you won't have to say anything. Just act like you normally do. I am sure, if anything, he will think you look fuckhot."

"Bella?" I watched silently as Bella slowly turned towards Edward. I had to stifle my giggle when she looked up at him sheepishly, obviously not reading him right. The guy had only eyes for her, wide, lust filled eyes, that were greedily drinking in the sight of her..

"Hi, Edward. What are you doing here?"

"Ummm, I'm just here with Jasper. His girlfriend bailed on him and he didn't want to just hang around the house. What are you wearing?"

Bella's face fell, and I could have smacked the dumb look right off of Edward's face. Couldn't he tell she was self-conscious enough already? And his dumb ass comment just made her feel even worse.

"Oh, well, ummm…"

"I forced her into it. I wanted to show her just how much _sexy_ she hides underneath all those baggy sweaters." I said, interrupting him and raising my brow in irritation. "And by the looks she's getting from the male population at the theatre tonight, I can see my point has been proven perfectly."

"Ummm…well, Rose is right. You do look great. I'm sorry if I came off…uh…rude. I was just shocked to see…ummm… so much of you?" He said it like a question, as if he were unsure of his own explanation. I snickered softly, that boy was so fucked.

Just then a group of college boys walked by, whistling softly at me and Bella, and not very unsubtley groaning about how "hot to trot" we were and "how doable" we looked.

I couldn't hide the amusement on my face as I watched Edward go all old-school, caveman on Bella's blushing ass.

"Hey, Jasper, how about we join Bella and Rose for a movie?" He called over his shoulder, never taking his eyes or hands off of Bella.

I quickly pulled my camera out of my purse and slowly sidestepped till I was at a decent enough angle and quickly took a snapshot of the lovey-dovey couple. Bella, all flustered and confused looking, staring up at Edward with curiosity and love written all over her face, and Edward, all wild and protective looking, his arm wrapped securely around Bella's waist.

Bella's eyes flashed to mine and she cocked her head to the side, "What was that for?" She asked me softly, gesturing with her hands to my camera.

"Memories," I said wistfully. "For your kids when they grow up. You can show them just how in love their parents were, right from the get go." Bella rolled her eyes at me, but the goofy smile on her face told me she thought it was a great idea as well, and as she momentarily got that faraway gassy look in her eyes, I knew she was envisioning a perfect cozy life with Edward Masen by her side.

Jasper and Edward did indeed end up joining us for the movie and when it was over and I bailed to go see Carlisle, Edward was there to take my place and bring Bella home.

As I walked the few blocks to the motel where Carlisle was staying, I couldn't help but think of Bella and Edward. They were such a storybook couple and one day I was just sure they would have the perfect fairy tale love story to share with their kids and grandkids.

It warmed my heart to know that Bella had that kind of love, and she would always have someone to wake up to each morning that would bring that sunshine smile to her face. A girl like her deserved all the happiness in the world. I sighed, if only I could have the same thing. But, broken, black-hearted girls like me, you see, we don't deserve nor warrant that kind of perfect love, now do we…

~~oo~~

"Mmm, morning, baby." I mumbled into Carlisle's neck, curling further into his side and wrapping my arm tightly around him. Mornings waking by his side were the best kind of mornings. I always woke to him watching me, half dropping eyes, filled with wonderment and questions. He never asked the questions I could see brimming in his eyes, but he always smiled and kissed my forehead, and that was enough for me to forget all about the questions and just…be.

"Good morning to you, too, beautiful."

"How long have you been awake watching me?" I asked softly, running my hand across his smooth, rippled chest.

"Not long."

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked, feeling bad for having him pinned down in the bed, not even able to get up if he had wanted to.

"Oh, I was about to." He said huskily before his mouth came crashing down on mine.

Warm, wet and feverish kisses peppered my skin as his ling fingers expertly played my body like a violin. My skin was on fire everywhere he touched, electricity buzzing with every touch. I moaned as he dipped his hand further down and swiped one finger along my slick, hot sex.

"So fucking wet, baby." He groaned flicking his tongue out and licking my slightly parted lips.

My tongue came out immediately, desperately tangling with his. I shivered with anticipation and want as I felt his cock slide against my wet swollen lips.

"Please, baby, need you, please." I whimpered.

"Well, how can I deny you such a request." He mumbled against my lips as he drove his cock deep within me.

I mewled and moaned as he pounded into me, our rhythms matching as my hips rose to match his urgent thrusts.

Speckles danced before my eyes, temporarily blocking out my vision as wave after wave of pure ecstasy washed through me.

My walls clamped erratically around him as I slowly came down from my sex induced overdose, my legs already weak and quivering, but one look at Carlisle told me he was nowhere near done with me. The man was insatiable.

"Fuck, baby, I love the way it feels when you milk me, cum all around my cock. Fuck! It just makes me want you so much more."

His lips latched onto one of my exposed, pebbled nipples. Flicking and sucking and nibbling before moving onto the other. I arched my back into his mouth, wanting more, but not sure what more was. It all felt so good, I could never get enough.

Carlisle grabbed hold of my legs and flung them onto his shoulders before thrusting into me vigorously. The depths he as able to hit in this position left me panting for air. "Holy fuck, so deep, so good." I panted out, "Please, I am going to…" Just then Carlisle reached between us and pinched my swollen bud and my orgasm roared through me. The combination of his wild thrusts and the mind blowing heat that licked its way through me was almost enough to cause me to black out. And I might have if Carlisle's deep husky groans hadn't filled the room, "Fuck, baby, yes….fucking God." He roared as his whole body convulsed above me. I could feel his dick pulsate as he filled me before going limp in my arms and lying his full weight on my chest.

Through heavy breathing and a string of expletives Carlisle mumbled, "I can't ever get enough of that sweet fucking pussy of yours." I grinned, my inner voice rejoicing and celebrating, 'yeah, I had that kind of control over him. I did that.'

* * *

Again much thanks is due to my fav gals - TwiDi, covermeinfeathers, mambomama, Fragile Human, Amery Marie and Lindsi loolabell for all their support, sweet talking and ego boosting. Luv u ladies. Mwah!


	13. Chapter 13 Happy RA Day!

**AN: First I'd like to apologize for the wait on this chapter – Last weekend was my b-day and the hubby wanted some time with me away from the comp…lol…then I was informed of this 'readers appreciation day****'. And even though I made you wait a week longer than anticipated, I posted on this day instead 'cause I totes appreciate and love you all to death and wanted to make sure I told you all that on a day that is all about that :-P**

**Secondly, I'd like to note that I DO realize cell phones weren't as commonly used back in the early nineties, but, lemme just pretend, 'cause cell phone texting is so much easier to remember to write than pager messages…lol**

**If you have yet to check out my one shot for the V-Day countdown, please take a moment and do. I think I am going to continue it and make it a full length fic, but woul****d love ur thoughts on that...**

**It is chapter 2 in the countdown to V-day – titled **_**'Black Sunday'.**_

**K, so here it is, chapter 13, only 3 more chapters after this, my lovelies. **

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Nazareth – Love Hurts

love hurts, love scars,  
love wounds, and marks,  
any heart, not tough,  
or strong, enough  
to take a lot of pain,  
take a lot of pain  
love is like a cloud  
Holds a lot of rain  
love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

I'm young, I know,  
but even so  
I know a thing, or two  
I learned, from you  
I really learned a lot,  
really learned a lot  
love is like a flame  
it burns you when it's hot  
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

* * *

…

**Past 1994**

**Rose's POV**

I wanted to show Carlisle that I wasn't just naughty, but also as sweet as sugar. I had gone to Bella for help in the matter. Not really knowing how to be lovey dovey and sentimental. Her idea: Take him out for ice cream, Rose. I had looked at her as if she had grown another head. But, she just smiled and said, "The day I bought Edward an ice cream was the day my future was cemented. He never looked at me the same way." I didn't question her logic, how could I? She had the man of her dreams, Mr. Superior-pants himself. I just nodded my head dumbly and acted as if it all made perfect sense.

That is how I ended up in line at the insanely busy ice cream shop downtown, while Carlisle waited for me outside.

"What can I get for you, Miss?" I jerked my head towards the pimply geek behind the counter and smiled, "One scoop of double fudge brownie delight and one strawberry shortcake please." Yes, the perfect mixture of naughty and nice. I smirked. For some reason I felt the smallest glimmer of hope. If something as simple as ice cream was all it would take to have Carlisle look at me as an equal, a something, a permanent fixture in his life. Well, life couldn't be all that hard after all, then.

I paid the boy and made my way outside. I saw Carlisle perched against the cement light post, his cell to his ear and a scowl on his face. As I approached him tentatively, he smiled brightly at me. Yes, things were going to be just fine. I handed him my tooth achingly sweet offering and placed my head on his shoulder as my hand slid along his backside and into the back pocket of his jeans. We hadn't taken more than three steps when the sound of screeching tires and crashing mental blared behind us.

Carlisle immediately went into doctor mode upon seeing a small woman's body sprawled out on the road. Blood was flowing freely from a huge gash in her forehead. I looked on in shock as Carlisle tended to the woman until the ambulance came. I was so in awe of him in that moment; he was a healer, a helper, a God among us weak humans. He had the power to save or take a life. He was a hero.

I sat on the sidewalk bench, watching the whole scene unfold before my very eyes. Feeling oddly detached, as if this were a moment I should remember, one that would alter my future forever. It was silly to think, I know. But still, the feeling drew me in, latched itself to me and coursed through my body, taking up residence in every last nook and cranny of my very being.

I was consumed with the feeling of utter loss and defeat. It scared the shit out of me. Stilled my pattering heart and chilled me to my core.

Carlisle found me on that bench, eyes glazed, gasping for swallows of fresh air and shivering from the inside out. He mistook this as me being in shock. But I assure you, shock was the least of my worries in that moment. No, something monumental took place, and I hadn't the vaguest idea what it was, nor how to deal with the feelings of sheer, all-consuming dread that had taken up residency in my soul.

Numbly, I let Carlisle lead me towards the hotel. Our delicious treats long forgotten. As the door clicked shut behind us, the lock latching into place, something small inside me shifted. The kind of something you don`t necessarily realize shifts, but you're left with a feeling of foreboding, of desperateness. I turned to face Carlisle and took in his impartial expression. He was watching me watching him, with an odd shadow hanging over his usually twinkling eyes.

Without saying a word, without thinking, I flung myself at him; my arms tangling around his neck and into his wild blond hair. My legs lifting to lock around his waist as my lips crashed against his. Passion and desperation driving us forward as we fell onto the bed in a tangled mess. Panting for air as we pushed and pulled, not sure whether to give or take.

My fingers fumbled with the buckle of his belt, clumsily opening it with trembling fingers before undoing the button. His beautiful cock was already straining in his pants and jumped up to greet me as the zipper edged its way down. I lowered my head and flicked my tongue over the little bead of heaven he had waiting there for me, loving the taste of him and the feel of him in my mouth. I licked my lips and took his head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip and taking him in my mouth a little deeper after each swirl. He hit the back of my throat, and I tried to relax, not wanting to gag and took him just a little bit deeper. His grunts and groans told me he wouldn`t last long, so I got to work, showing my man just how much I worshipped him. I let my teeth graze his length softly as I pulled my head back, then swirled my tongue as the head popped out, teasing and tasting before taking his length fully into my mouth once more. Over and over I repeated the motions, moaning and humming in pleasure around him. I felt his muscles tense just before his dick started twitching in my mouth. Again, I took him in as far as I could and greedily gulped back his warm gooey offering in desperate gulps.

Carlisle fell back into the pillows limply, my arm in his hand as he gently pulled me up with him. A lazy smile spread out on his gorgeous face as he kissed the tip of my nose. I glowed, beaming up at him before laying my head on his chest and curling into his side.

Within minutes he was sound asleep, his soft snores tickling the back of my neck as he breathed in and out. As his rising chest and rhythmic breathing lulled me to sleep, I gently kissed his chest and whispered words I could never take back, "I think I am falling in love with you."

~~oo~~

I woke with a smile on my face and a glowing brightness in my chest. Last night I had finally admitted what I had worried about for so long; I was falling in love with Carlisle Cullen. And it was amazingly lightening to admit that to myself alone, never mind that I had whispered it reverently into Carlisle's chest as he slept peacefully last night.

I mewled contently and rolled over to wrap my arms around the man who had somehow managed to piece my heart back together after the train wreck that was Emmett McCartney and frowned when all my searching hands found was a crumpled piece of paper. I pried my eyes open and darted up when I noticed the small room was empty, and the bathroom door was open with no light on.

I picked up the piece of paper, a note from Carlisle, thinking he must have gotten called into work for an emergency. I let my grin spread as I began to read his elegant script. _I bet he just didn't want to wake me, what a sweetheart._

My eyes began to water, my breath hitched and clamped in a huge bubble of pain in my throat, constricting me from obtaining the deep breaths of air my raging heart was demanding. My vision blurred, and my hands began to shake violently as I finished his little note.

This couldn't be real. I must be dreaming. Right? This was nothing but a horrible, disgusting dream…

I stared at my arm with trepidation and placed my thumb and pointer finger to it warily. Once I did this, there would be no doubt; I was either dreaming or living in one hell of a fucked up reality. One that would, once again, shatter any ray of hope my pathetic heart had built up the last little bit since Emmett. With a heavy heart and a tiny defeated sigh I pinched my arm, and just as I suspected, I yelped out loud.

There goes the whole dream theory.

~~oo~~

After prying my sniveling mess of a body off the hotel room floor, I shakily made my way to the bathroom, cleaned myself up as best as I could, and on wobbly legs, made my way out the door, without a second glance back. If I looked back and saw the unkempt sheets and disarrayed pillows my resolve would crumble. And I couldn't have that. I had to be strong. Today, I had to battle it out in the malls with my best friend and find the two of us the most amazing dresses for graduation. Today, I had to act like the teenager I had forgotten I was. I could do it, I am Rosalie fucking Hale, no man can bring me down… _Ever again…Never again_… I swore determinedly to myself as the door clicked shut behind me.

~~oo~~

"Rose, come on, I love that dress. It looks perfect," Bella whined for the third time.

Honestly, couldn't she see that the hem was too long and the collar too high?

"We need this taken up about an inch and a half and the collar trimmed down another half an inch please," I murmured with my forefinger to my chin, scrutinizing every tiny detail of Bella's dress. Maybe my life was in ruins at the moment, but I was hell bent on making sure Bella's was perfect. I wanted Edward to drool at the sight of her. Realize what a gem he had and treasure it. I would live like a nun for now on and live vicariously through Bella. That was my new plan.

Well, it would be my plan until the next time I called Carlisle and got his answering machine, his full answering machine, again.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out what had caused him to do such a complete one eighty in a matter of hours. But I had come to the conclusion he must have heard my whispered declaration when I thought he was sleeping and likely bolted the second I had succumbed to sleep.

I promised myself, four times already today, that I would not call him; that I would just let it go and be strong and hold my head high. Each time shortly followed by me sneaking off to the bathroom to call him; only to get his voicemail, and each time, with new resolve to live through my dear friend Bella and put off men for the rest of my life.

"I just want you to look absolutely perfect," I said to Bella, as she huffed in irritation, scowling at the seamstress as she fluttered around her. "'Cause I love you so fucking much. I'm just going to run to the bathroom, and then we should be done, and we can get out of here, okay?"

I was right; when I got back Bella had her garment bag in hand and was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Are we in a rush for something?" I teased lightly.

"Actually, I am meeting Edward for a movie tonight, so yes."

"Oh, well, don't let me keep you. Skedaddle. Go see your Romeo, and I will catch up with you tomorrow. I have to pick out a pair of shoes still and better get them today considering graduation is this weekend."

"Are you sure?" Bella asked skeptically, knowing I had no ride home and eyeing up the heels I was in.

"Yes," I chuckled, "Now go, don't leave that boy waiting. God knows when he is around it doesn't take long for the wolves *cough cough* sluts to descend."

Bella laughed in a forced kind of way, knowing what I said was meant to be funny, but all too true as well. Edward was a very sought after guy in our school. Every girl wanted him, and every guy wanted to be him. Not that he ever paid any attention to any of the girls in our class, none that I knew of anyway. Bella was the first I had ever heard of him paying any mind to.

Bella waved as she darted out the door, the chimes above it noting her departure. I grabbed my own garment bag and said a quick 'thanks' to the lady behind the counter as I scurried out the door, already flipping my cell phone open and dialing _his_ number before it even fully closed behind me.

"Hello." A soft yet irritated feminine voice responded on the other end.

Well, I didn't expect that. My mouth opened and flapped shut, like a fish out of water. What do I say? Do I hang up? Should I say something? Mumble about a wrong number or some shit?

"I am assuming this is Rose," the soft voice stated startling me. How did she know about me? "Please listen well to what I am about to say. Carlisle and I are trying to work out our differences. He doesn't think you were a mistake, but does realize it was a bad choice to do what he did with you. We want to try and be happy again, so I would appreciate if you would stop calling my husband and let us try to work this out on our own." She sounded so sad, so broken. I knew how that felt. Could feel it now, even as I stood there shaking and guilt ridden.

I couldn't respond. Blood rushed through me at a rapid rate, causing my ears to ring and my body to sway.

She was right; I was a home wrecker. Maybe she didn't say those words, but they were true none-the-less. I had almost ruined my perfect Carlisle's life out of selfishness. I was worse than a home wrecker; I was a whore - a filthy, nasty, selfish whore.

"I'm so sorry," I whimpered and let the phone fall to the ground, right before my trembling body followed it.

~~oo~~

"Rosie, is that you? Oh, Rosie, what's the matter? Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?" Emmett's burly form approached me cautiously as I stared at him wide eyed with tears streaming down my face, bottom lip quivering and my whole body shaking with anger and wracking sobs.

_Why the hell was Emmett being so nice to me? _

I opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off and to stop pretending like he actually cared what was wrong with me, but all I could manage was incoherent blubbers and a deep moaning wail.

I slumped impossibly further to the ground, all hunched and withering, and felt Emmett's massive arms encase me. It shocked the shit out of me, the feelings that engulfed my being with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

In that simple moment I had the most gut wrenching, mind blowing epiphany. I never loved Carlisle Cullen, it was always Emmett. Carlisle was just a temporary band-aid, someone to fill the void Emmett had left in me. Something to take the pain away, divert my attention and affections elsewhere, where they might possibly be reciprocated. It was Emmett's unwelcome embrace that made my heart soar and my chest ache all at once. It was Emmett I yearned to whisper words of love and forever to, and have him say them back, and mean them. It was because of Emmett I was where I was now, on the side of the road like yesterday's trash, whimpering and slobbering all over myself; all over a man I truly felt nothing for.

"Are you okay, Rosie? Please tell me that no one hurt you." Emmett's voice was so laced with pain and anguish it tore at me, yet confused me all in the same. Why did he care? Hadn't he hurt me not that long ago? So, why the fuck would he care if someone else did?

I decided it didn't matter, all that mattered was that, even for the slightest amount of time, I felt whole. In his arms, I felt like I belonged, I was right where I knew I should always be. And I was going to enjoy it while I could…

"No…no one hurt me," I squeaked out, wrapping my arms around his huge waist and burying my head into his chest. I felt Emmett stiffen in my arms as I nuzzled my head further into his embrace and knew my blissful moment was about to burst into flames.

I gripped him impossibly tighter and whispered, "Please, Emmett, just give me a few more minutes like this, please."

Luck wasn't on my side in that moment though, and Emmett roughly pushed away from me. "Get off me," he grumbled and rose to his feet, "look what you've done. You've ruined my favorite shirt."

I blanched as he stormed away from me; I don't know why. Honestly, Emmett's mood swings should not surprise me anymore. But, damn, it still hurt. I remained in my position on the ground and curled my body into a ball, hugging my knees tightly to my chest without responding to him. I rocked gently back and forth and let my mind take me to a happier place; one where Emmett didn't hate me, where he loved me and showered me with all his love and compassion. Love and compassion I had only ever gotten glimpses of, but were enough to make me fall desperately and irrevocably in love with him.

~~**~~

…  
some fools think of happiness  
blissfulness, togetherness  
some fools fool themselves I guess  
they're not foolin' me

I know it isn't true,  
I know it isn't true  
love is just a lie,  
made to make YOU blue  
love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts  
ooh,ooh love hurts

* * *

As usual, I have to thank the usual suspects, you girls know who you are, for pre-reading, and putting up with my crazy ass as I fought and yelled at this f'ing chapter. Yep, that's right, I actually yelled at my computer, crazy lady, I know.

And if you usually pre-read my chapters of DR and didn't this one- well it is cause you are srsly MIA and grrrrrr.

Okay, so one last bit of info, please read - Myself and Fragile Human have submitted a one shot for the FML contest called Scared Stiff - Adventures of the One-eyed Rising Purple Pussy Beater, we have made it past the first round of voting, but the second round starts soon, so if you have yet to read it, please take a moment and check it out, it is posted in my stories, and if you love it like I hope you will, be sure to put it on Alert so I can let cha know when and where the final voting round will be.

Countdown to April Fools- Will begin tomorrow - this will be the LAST countdown till Halloween and the Introduction is already posted on my profile, be sure to check that out too.

K, so that's it, I'll shut up now.

You know what to do, please review. Mwah~


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note: Holy hell, I know, right! Long enough wait! Go ahead, yell at me. I deserve it. I'm sorry. I have no excuses, I can only tell you, this chapter was harder than hell on me to write. Updates will NOT ever be this long again. Promise!**

**So, are you ready???? I SAID... are you ready? This si the big one, where past meets present and takes off from the LAST present chapter.**

**I totes hope you enjoy this and everything falls into place for you, there are two more chapters left after this, and that's it! I am kinda sad to see this go, I truly enjoyed writing this fic and love each and every one of you wonderful readers and supporters that stood by me through this. You guys are my rock!**

* * *

**Metallica – Fade to Black**

**Life, it seems, will fade away  
Drifting further every day  
Getting lost within myself  
Nothing matters, no one else**

I have lost the will to live  
Simply nothing more to give  
There is nothing more for me  
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be  
Missing one inside of me  
Deathly lost, this can't be real  
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me  
To the point of agony  
Growing darkness taking dawn

* * *

**Past Meets Present**

That night I barely slept a wink. The house was eerily quiet and empty, with nothing but my thumping heart beating in the silent room as my heart and head fought constantly and relentlessly with each other. Being here without Emma felt wrong; sorrow and confusion consumed me, left me breathless and aching to feel something…anything, but I just felt empty. The absence of Carlisle's presence didn't even seem to faze me; it was as if something in me clicked, shifted, fell into place and told me, assured me, confirmed, he was where he was supposed to be, wherever that was. Emma's absence, however, brought on a whole different onslaught of emotions and confusion. I yearned to hold her to me, press soft kisses to her forehead, hear her voice, see her smile, even just to feel her very essence in the same room with me. An inkling of truth hovered at the edge of my throbbing head, dangling, teasing… tormenting me. I knew, with that one bit of truth, everything would make sense. It would all come to a head, and I could, at the very least, attempt to fathom all of the injustice and let it go.

I decided to walk to the memorial, allow myself the time it would take to get there, to think, to contemplate, so, with a heavy heart, a sluggish mind, and hesitant feet, I began the hour-long walk.

Ghosts of thoughts, possibly memories, played at the edges of my mind, just beyond my grasp, flickers of something….

I smiled softly, in spite of my mood, as a bluebird flew past me and landed on a tree just ahead, chirping softly.

As its beautiful song filled the air; I watched other birds, red ones, grey ones, black ones, joined it on other limbs of the tree, and then they all joined in the soft, hauntingly beautiful melody.

A symphony of chirpings.

"_Rose, we're waiting for you."_

I spun hastily, almost losing my footing, as I tried to locate the person the voice belonged to.

Seeing no one, of course. But the voice… it was so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. Like I should know the voice, know whom it belonged to, but couldn't put a name or a face to it.

A long-ago buried memory.

_Maybe it was all in my head!_

My breathing sped up and my temperature climbed as I rounded the last corner, all thoughts of the mysterious voice forgotten, as the school loomed just a few yards ahead of me.

For what could have been hours, but was probably just minutes, I stood frozen in fear.

I gulped back tears of longing and despair, and warded off the pain and memories that threatened to consume me as I watched dozens of people, clad in black, arrive to show their respect, to mourn their losses, to say goodbye, and _I remember you._

Heart wrenching wails sailed through the air, tugging at my chest and crippling me.

Could I do this?

For years, I have avoided this very moment.

For years, I have refused to face this, now seemingly evil, place.

This place where some of the happiest and also the most heart shattering moments of my life crumbled together, just waiting for me to come and collect them. To piece them back together; fill in the blanks and join them into one whole. The whole messed up; jumbled, journey through the hell that was my life.

.

As I watched a strangely familiar form walk through the front door, ignoring the girl handing out pamphlets at the doorway, a blinding pain shot through me. My legs trembled, threatening to give out on me, and my vision blurred. The school before me slowly faded and another place slowly formed.

I recognized this place, I think. It was a clinic. How was it possible it seemed so familiar to me? Why did I recognize it? I was sure I had never been here, and yet a part of me was screaming that I had been.

Like a low budget, black and white horror movie was playing before me, I gaped on as a burly man, with staggeringly intense and craftily guarded eyes, walked out the front door of the clinic, holding a frail looking blond girl to his side. She was hunched over in a defeated kind of way, limping, trudging forward. She staggered slightly, and the man scooped her up into his arms, like a child, cooing softly to her as she sobbed uncontrollably, completely inconsolable.

For such a large man, he looked so small, utterly lost and torn. Without realizing I was doing so, I tentatively stepped forward, wanting to help this man and this woman, yet not knowing how to do so.

My chest constricted and a lump formed in my throat, catching a whimper and holding it back, as he spoke so very softly to her as they made their way towards me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the man chanted over and over again, softly, soothingly, his voice heavy with sorrow and regret.

I stepped aside as they were about to pass me and gasped as the man gently pushed the girls blond matted locks away from her face.

She looked just like a younger version of me, but it couldn't be me. I didn't know this man. So it couldn't be me…

"I'm so sorry, Rosie." It felt like all the air in my lungs whooshed out of me in one quick blow. Image after image slammed into me, assaulting my mind as I clumsily staggered backwards.

EMMETT. His name was Emmett, and I had loved him, loved him with all my being. I had been pregnant….with his baby, our baby. The baby we had aborted that very day. The baby I had secretly named…Emma!

Flash after flash, image after image, it all came together in a whirlwind of truths and figments.

My mind failed me in that moment, when, of course, I needed it most.

Walls, skillfully crafted walls, came crumbling down, and with each section that fell away into the darkness of my figmented reality, came a truth, and with each truth, came a gaping hole, a hole in my very existence.

_Who was I?_

"Are you going in, Miss?"

I had managed to stumble all the way to the doorway, where a very pale young girl was now looking at me with a knowing glint in her eyes.

_Did I know her?_

"Excuse me?"

She smiled, "Are you ready to go in now?"

I wasn't so sure. Was I? What would I find in there? Did I want to know?

I nodded numbly and made my way past her, blindly going in the direction she had pointed me. I walked past a huge billboard covered in bright colored pictures and bold white words, all of which I didn't read and barely saw. My eyes swam with tears of fright, of horror, of closure; everything was now a blur of those emotions.

The halls were completely empty, and an eerie silence echoed throughout the building.

Step by step, wall by wall, my feet carried me towards the one place I never wanted to visit, ever again.

I stumbled and staggered drunkenly, my mind a haze, as images plagued me, confused me, forced, long ago buried, memories to spring forth.

I saw Carlisle, smiling brightly, in my high school gymnasium. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could see him clearly.

I saw myself approach him, smile at him, hand him a piece of paper and saunter away.

_Is this how I met him?_

_How did I meet Carlisle?_

The walls faded, swirling and smudging, until they were gone, and I was now standing outside… on a street… in front of an ice cream shop.

This place I did know, and even though it was not a happy place for me, I sagged in relief just because it was something tangible, something real and true.

My brows knitted together before my mind had a chance to register the relief, as the same blond girl, me, walked out of the ice cream shop carrying two cones and wearing a huge smile.

She approached a man and nudged him from behind; he turned and smiled down at her.

A soft, strangled whimper escaped me.

_No! This wasn't right. It couldn't be._

_What was going on?_

I watched, speechless, tears streaming down my face, my mind slowly trying to shut down on me, as the man, Carlisle, took the cone, and the girl, me, put her free hand around him and into his back pocket. Before they even had a chance to take a step forward, the sound of squealing tires and crunching metal tore through the air.

I turned slowly, warily, I knew what I would see, but, apparently, I didn't.

Carlisle rushed over to the woman who was sprawled out face-down in the middle of the street, a woman with brown hair, not blond. A woman who was not me, but was supposed to be, wasn't she?

The air around me turned stale, thick and consuming, as everything once again shifted and faded before me, and then I was at _the _door.

I gripped my head between my trembling hands, not wanting to open the door, yet unable to turn away from it.

I knew, without a doubt, that, even after all the confusion, all the swarmed and contorted memories, they were still memories and realities I could argue, could second guess. But, whatever lay behind that door was irrevocably the truth.

No room for compromise or confusion; just the cold hard truth.

I stared with trepidation at the door. I just had to push, one little push, and it would open; everything would finally make sense, and this nightmare could fade away.

As my hand reached forward, my head screamed NO; my feet stepped tentatively, shakily, and my heart clenched and threatened to implode within me.

A noise, soft, like a whisper, caught my attention, and I shifted my eyes to the side. I yelped softly, my eyes going wide, almost in fear, but more in surprise.

At the end of the hall was a wall of people. People I knew, people I recognized. The survivors.

Jessica and Ben, Lauren, Mr. Banner, Mrs. Cope, Alice and Jasper… so many faces, so much pain radiated from each one. Why were they here, watching me?

A stifled sob tore my attention back to the door. Someone was inside, maybe hurt. That shattered the last of my trepidation.

With strength I never knew I possessed, I clenched my eyes shut, pushed the door open and stepped inside.

My breaths came out in ragged staccato, and I struggled to maintain a façade of calm before I caused myself to pass out from lack of air.

"If you have to kill one of us, kill me." I recognized that voice. But… it wasn't possible. My eyes flew open and instantly my legs gave out; I collapsed to the floor, my knees connecting with the cold wet surface with a loud thud as the truth slammed into me, cold, hard and unforgiving.

I watched in horror, unable to move, unable to speak, as my best friend watched _me_ die.

The sound of the second bullet didn't even faze me. The sound of Newton's body hitting the floor did nothing to assuage me. The only thing that registered, the only thing that rang true, that mattered, was Bella's crumpled, sobbing form, hunched over my lifeless body, covered in blood, so much blood.

A tremor ran through my body.

Bella had never died…_ I _had been the one to die.

Those people out there, the survivors. _They_ were not the survivors, _they_ were the victims.

Emma was not my daughter; she was the baby I aborted, the child I had given up.

And Carlisle was never my husband; he was someone else's husband. A man I had selfishly coaxed away from his home, his wife, and borrowed for sex, to help me feel better about me.

I remembered it all now, every last painstakingly wretched detail.

Emmett, the abortion, Emmett's cruelty, the pain…

Carlisle, the sex, the phone calls, my desperation, his wife, my epiphany…

Emmett… Bella… Emma… Carlisle… Emmett… Bella… Emma… Carlisle…

None were ever mine, some weren't even real_. What the hell is happening to me?_

"You're right."

I fell over, startled.

Bella, Newton, Me, all the blood, were nowhere to be seen. In their place stood the victims, the broken souls from that horrific day, and _my_ Emma.

I stifled a gut wrenching sob at the sight of her.

"You're right, Rose, most of that never happened." I stared at her, lost, confused. How did she know what I was thinking?

"I can hear you, Rose, we're forever connected, you and I. That's why I came back, to bring you over with me."

I shook my head. I had heard her, understood her words even…but…

"Where am I, then?"

"You're here."

"Where's here?"

"Right here."

I grew frustrated in my weakness and her vague, useless answers. "Please, Emma, no games. Just tell me where the hell I am."

She clucked her tongue at me, "Rose, I did. You are right where you think you are. Only difference is, it is not where you are supposed to be."

Jessica moved to her side and smiled softly at me, "It's time, Rose, time to let go."

I let my eyes flutter closed and sighed deeply, letting it all sink in. I gave up trying to come to terms with it all, to comprehend the 'hows' and 'whys', and slowly crawled up and off of the floor.

With a shaky hand, I reached for Emma's outstretched one, content and at peace with going wherever she wanted to take me.

Trusting her and the truth that I could finally see, I whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby," and whimpered as my hand enveloped hers.

"I know, but we can be together, now."

Hand in hand, my almost daughter and I followed behind the many that had died that fateful day. The many who had waited far too long to move forward and on, all because of me and my refusal to let go, to accept.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder, a single tear trailing down my cheek, and whispered to the empty room, "Goodbye…Bella," just before the door closed behind me, closing off my past, my life and my distorted reality.

* * *

Sooo....what'd ya think???

Don't hate me too much, k!

Many thanks are in order for this chapter- Mambomama, Sunsetwing, covermeinfeathers, theotherbella and Jewels64 yoiu girls are f'ing awesome, and I can't thank you enough for all your encouragment, support, help and sometimes ass kickings.

And, of course, to all my readers, your reviews truly man a lot to me and help me gauge how I am doing as a writer. So, completely and totally needed, you guys are soooo that to me.

Mwah~

PS....Scared Stiff won first f'ing place.....those of you who took the time to read and review and vote- I f'ing lurve the shit outta you!


	15. Chapter 15

**Here ya go, a BPOV. Enjoy!!! I have a chapter I totes love completely in EmPOV - lemme know in ur review if ya want it!!!**

**PS, my one shot is up on the April Fool's Countdown- it is two chaps long- chapter 23 and 24. And I have placed a poll on my prof on whether I should continue it or Black Sunday (my one shot from the v-day countdown- chapter 2)**

**Lastly, I didn't hear to much from ya all last chapter- it was my fav chapter, peeps, not your I guess. Hope I did not dissapoint :-(**

* * *

**Bullet for my Valentine: Hand of Blood**

**Oh my god have I done it again,  
there's a pulse and its deafening!  
I can't help what I hear in my head,  
It's the switch that I flip, when it says  
Hand of Blood!  
I don't wanna feel my heart is breaking,  
Hand Of Blood!  
I don't wanna see my life is burning**

**I saw you look away,**  
**Is what you've seen too much to take or are you blind and seeing nothing.**  
**(I saw you run)I saw you run away,**  
**Is what I've done too much to take or are you scared of being nothing.**

**There's a stain on my hand, and its red**  
**Oh my god, am I losing it?!**  
**I can't help what I've done or I've said**  
**It's the button I push, when it says**  
**Hand of Blood!**

**Chapter 14**

**BPOV**

I felt something slam into me, leaving a searing pain in my chest, warm sticky liquid seeped into my eyes and caused me to splutter and gasp. Someone was screaming hysterically, was it me? Why was everything so…black? And what was that horrible gurgling sound?

My chest clamped tightly, and my throat constricted as I struggled to open my eyes; black speckles danced before me, taunting me, mocking me, as they merged and took the form of snarling faces with black emotionless eyes. It took me a moment to realize they weren't figments of my half-blacked-out mind, but actually Michael Newton looking ashen and horror struck, his eyes a scary, empty black, shifting between me and… Oh my God… "Rose…" Her name sounded wrong in my weak, meager voice. I slowly lifted my hand, the only one free to lift; the other was wedged underneath her heavy body. I reached tentatively towards her face that was hidden from my view by her once golden blond hair, which was now an odd crimson-orange color, and brushed a tiny strand away from her eyes.

"I…I didn't mean…I shouldn't have…she was… the only one who was..ever…almost nice to me," Michael stuttered in an odd, high pitched voice. I stared at him dumbfounded, trying to figure out what the hell he was stammering about. Why were we in the bathroom? What the hell was wrong with Rose? And what on earth was Newton doing in here with us?

I eyed Michael up with heavy, stinging eyes. I watched, uncertain, as his hands trembled; red splatters adorned his clothing, his nose was running and dripped down his chin, his dark dead eyes were like quivering, bottomless pits of emptiness that glistened with moisture, his hands shook violently while holding a…gun?

Everything came back to me…flashes…pain…fear…ROSE!

"Oh my God, Rose. Rose, baby, please, answer me." My voice sounded foreign, even to me, high, hysterical, desperate.

I shook her lifeless form desperately. Hoping for…for anything really. A whimper, a startled cry, a groan. Hell, I would settle for twitching eyes.

My heart pattered painfully in my chest, my breathing coming out raged and short winded. I lowered my head slowly, anxiously. Praying for a heart beat- even a soft fluttering one, anything.

She had one, faint, frantic, weakening rapidly.

I frantically rolled her over, there was so much blood. So much blood everywhere, one of the sink pipes was pouring water into the room, and Rose was lying in a limp heap over the drain hole. Her body now slightly submerged in the chilly, pink tinged water. I tried to pull her out of it, sobbing, whimpering and praying to anything and everyone to please let her live.

I soft grunt flittered up to my ears. Rose, it was Rose.

I looked down at her cradled in my lap awkwardly, her eyes now wide open and staring directly at me, I think. "Oh, Rose, I was so scared. Stay with me, I love you," I blubbered, as her eyes glazed and fluttered momentarily before she let out a soft gurgling gasp, blood spilling out of her mouth like a water fountain with low pressure. Screaming filled the room, crazed, hysterical screaming,_ my_ screaming. I tugged on my hair as Rose's head lobbed to the side, her lifeless bloodshot eyes staring up at me.

"I'm sorry."

My screams died in my throat, and my whole body began to quake with despair and unadulterated anger. My head spun, words only the devil would speak on the tip of my tongue. Words I never got to speak, the moment I turned my blazing eyes on Michael he placed the gun into his mouth, and with one short whimper he clamped his eyes shut and pulled the trigger. I gasped as what was happening engulfed me, consumed me and, once again, the small black and white speckles began to mock me, torment me, carry me away.

**~~***~~**

Seven days, it had been seven days since the world as I knew blew up in my face. My whole existence, life as I have always known it was now shattered into a million mind-numbing pieces. Time seemed to stand still. Nothing happened, people came, and people went. I knew they were speaking to me, but all I heard was mumbled, garbled words, half-hearted apologies, whispered words of comfort that, honestly, did nothing to comfort me. And, once in awhile, a sound, a whimper, a murmured plea to come back. Back to what, I did not know. Thoughts were jumbled and indecipherable. Showers weren't taken. I barely moved a muscle as I lay in my unkempt smelly bed, my clothing plastered to me with thick, days-old sweat and tears and possibly even vomit. My throat ached for something…anything wet and maybe cool, too. My chest felt as if it had caved in on itself, tight hard pressure pressed on it, maybe something was on me? I wasn't sure, and I couldn't bring myself to care, either way. Whatever the extra weight was, I welcomed it; I think it grounded me, kept me safe from whatever pain awaited me if I were to resurface and actually see what was going on around me. I couldn't do that, I wasn't ready. Somewhere in the dark vestiges of my shattered mind I knew I wasn't ready, whatever awaited me would just have to continue to wait.

**~~***~~**

**EPOV**

"Bella…..Bella….honey, can you wake up for me? Please, baby, I need to see you."

Watching Bella wither away to nothing was killing me, even worse than that was seeing the glazed over look in her eyes as she stared blankly at me, probably not even seeing me. Off in what, I can only assume, was a safe place in her own mind. Not really seeing, nor feeling, anything. The doctor who came to see her, Dr. Cullen, says this is normal; it is a way for her to deal with the trauma, her mind trying to protect her from what she is not mentally capable of coping with without totally losing it. I can respect that, and I sure don't want to cause her any more irreparable damage than what has already been done. But the funeral was set for three days from now, and I knew she wouldn't forgive herself if she missed that; so, I had to find a way to get through to her, help her through this all and hopefully someday move forward at a healthy, safe pace.

I spent hours just talking to her, telling her I was here for her. What was going on, I even told her about the upcoming funeral. I don't honestly think she heard anything I said, but I said it none-the-less. I didn't want to treat her like a zombie, like an invalid; I wanted to treat her just like she would want to be, like my girlfriend, my Bella, my life, my equal.

I was just falling asleep in the make-shift bed I had made for myself days ago at her bedside when I heard a soft snort. I opened my eyes and listened intently, thinking maybe Bella's mom was in the hall, but heard nothing. I shrugged it off and dozed off to sleep.

BPOV

I woke with a start; my mind was racing, images flashed before my eyes. Gruesome, gut wrenching images. Rose covered in blood. Michael and his gun. Blood…so much blood. My heart was hammering in my chest as I bolted upright. I scanned my surroundings and immediately recognized my room, even in the dim light, I could tell something was different about it. I just couldn't place what it was. I slowly swung my very stiff legs to the side of my bed, my feet found purchase on a clump of blankets. I leaned forward and peered beside the bed, wondering how they all got there. I gasped softly when I saw Edward's tousled hair peeking out from the top of them, and all at once, it all came back to me, everything he had said to me, every thought I had muddled in my weary head. The doctor talking to me, checking me over. Ms. Hale had been here, and so had my parents. I remember their visits vaguely, like muggy half-memories in a swarm of fog, but, oddly enough, I remembered every last word Edward had uttered. Including that it had all really happened; Rose was gone, along with dozens of my peers and a handful of my teachers. The funeral would be in a day or two, and Emmett…. Emmett had come by and he would be at the funeral, too. Edward wouldn't let him see me, didn't think it would be good for me, but had filled him in on the specifics of what had happened and what was currently happening with me. Why the fuck did he care, anyway? It was because of him my best friend in the entire world had left this world thinking no one loved her. That she was a little insignificant pawn in a greater game the universe had planned out.

I scotched around Edward's curled up form, tears forming in my eyes, for the loss of innocence, for the loss of a truly great person, and for the never-ending compassion and patience the man below me possessed. I truly was the luckiest girl alive, and I'd be sure when this was all done and over with, when I had said my final piece to Rose, I would not waste another minute baby footing around him. I would go all out, be open and honest, tell him how I feel and claim him as my one and only. Life was too short to muddle around aimlessly, always wondering if this is what you should be doing, if something was right or wrong, too soon or too late. The only thing that should matter was the here and now. Live in the moment, the past was too painful, and the future too uncertain. One day at a time, and one foot after another, I would rise above the despair, and I would prevail and live the life my dear friend should have, and I would not crumble to the pressure and pain. I was Isabella Marie Swan. I was strong and determined, and I now carried a piece of Rose with me I would have to honor. The snarky, headstrong, determined part. Together we were unbreakable; together we win.

I quietly snuck from my room and down the stairwell, my legs protesting the whole way, as my nose recoiled from the horrendous stench that seemed to be permeating throughout the house.

My first order of business: telling Emmett exactly what I thought of him and reminding him of the truth, that he had no right what-so-ever to attend the funeral. He wasn't wanted there.

**~~***~~**

**Everybody expects me to break But I'll never break down again**  
**Everybody expects me to give up But you'll never see me giving in**  
**Everybody wants me to lose But I'll never lose who I am**  
**No, I'm sorry to say there'll be no sacrifice today**

**No, I'm sorry to say there'll be no sacrifice today**

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As always, I would love to hear from you, so please review and share your thoughts and shizz with me :-)


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay peens and pretties, this is it, the last chap. Don't you dare laugh, but I kinda shiffled and whimpered a bit writing this one. Is that sad?**

**Enjoy!**

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**Here without you – 3 doors down**

**A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face**

**I'm here without you baby**  
**But you're still on my lonely mind**  
**I think about you baby**  
**And I dream about you all the time**

**EmPOV chap- at the funeral-**

I stood off in the far shadows of the graveyard, watching from afar, so no one would see me, especially not Bella. I couldn't listen to her hateful accusations, that bitch knew nothing of me, so how the fuck she thought blaming me would solve anything, was beyond me. As the Priest began the service, the gloomy skies gave way and poured what I believed to be 'angels' mourning tears' upon us. I didn't bother with an umbrella, I welcomed the cold, craved it even. My Rosie was dead and there was not a damn thing I could do about it, and even worse, she had died hating me.

The hole in my chest was gaping, sucking me into its depths. I longed for her touch, in a burning kind of way. My chest constricted painfully with each and every ragged breath I had taken since the moment I saw the news broadcast.

I faintly heard the words as the man in black spoke - buried deep in an umbrella a tall, pudgy man held over him. The wind carried away half his words, my screaming, searing tears and raging desolation blocked out the rest. Still, I caught bits and pieces. Michael Newton was a troubled boy…Jessica Stanley was a shining ray of light to any and all who met her…Lauren Mallory would be sorely missed by many and was involved with much to do with the community… Julie Rathbone…Lisa Pattinson…Doug McDougal…Mr. Banner…Mrs. Cope…Mr. Bright…the list went on and on. I drowned it all out, focusing and waiting for two little words…one name…the light in my very deep, dark existence.

The voices faded, I could no longer hear the soft sniffles and mournful wails. I was in a different place, a better place; a place where my Rosie was still alive.

My mind wandered back to the day she told me she was pregnant. I remembered, all too clearly, the pain and fear in her bright glistening eyes when she told me.

I remembered the scorching agony that ripped through my entire being. A child, my child. With Rosie. She couldn't have said a single thing that would have made me any happier and, all in the same, any more petrified.

I let my mind fuck with me for a bit. I imagined a world where my childhood had been easy and happy. A world where I grew up to be a decent man, a respected man. A man worthy of an angel's love.

Rose would come home and tell me she was pregnant, and my heart would quicken in excitement. I would pull her to me and whirl her around while peppering every inch of her milky soft skin in tender kisses, and we would call our parents and celebrate. We would be the googley eyed 'parents to be' and shop for two of everything. Have the room set up months before the baby was due to arrive, 'cause we just couldn't wait any longer. I would talk to her belly as if our child were already there with us. I would tell him or her stories and blow bubbles against her swollen belly, making our baby kick gleefully from inside of her. We would go to some fancy photographers and get belly pictures done, and I would so frame that shit, 'cause I'd be sentimental in that sick kind of way and want to look at them every day as I fell asleep with the woman of my dreams in my arms and her glowing belly and soft smile wishing me a goodnight each time I closed my eyes.

"Rosalie Hale…" My head jerked up, a soft sob escaping my lips as I heard her name fall from the Priest's lips....will be sorely missed. She was the last to face Michael Newton's demons and died knowing she had saved a beautiful soul; made the choice to sacrifice herself for her dear friend Isabella Swan.

A heart wrenching wail rang through the air, drowning out the Priest's words and causing many to look, curiously, in the direction it was coming from.

From the safety of my tree, I could vaguely make out Bella's crumpled form sprawled out on the damp grass, writhing and convulsing with each agonizing sob that slipped past her lips.

What felt like my heart, jumped up into my throat the second a tall bronze haired boy, Edward, lifted Bella's spasming body off the ground. The helplessness and pain shining through his eyes was palpable. I could sympathize with him; my own convalescence and anguish quite similar, yet so different. As men we both suffered for the ones we loved; he, however, was lucky. At least the one he loved was still alive.

I could bear this no more. I silently said goodbye to the love of my existence. One solitary tear slipped down my face and fell to the ground to join the angels' tears that were already pooling by my feet.

As I drove off from the cemetery, an onslaught of memories, of pain, of images, began to tear at me. Ripping open gaping wounds I had long ago sealed shut, hastily, with the likes of crazy glue, but still, sealed shut. Now once again wide open, added with the ripe pain of losing my Rosie, the pain was just too much for me to shoulder.

My truck skidded to an abrupt halt in the driveway to my home. My body slamming forward with the force of the stop. I was sure marks would be evident from the blunt force of the steering wheel to my chest tomorrow, but, oddly, I couldn't feel a thing.

Numbly, I clamored out of the truck and made my way into the house. The silence I found inside was deafening, maddening, with nothing to block out the images, the memories, I doubled over from sheer agony and sagged to the carpeted floor in a sobbing heap.

_It's all you fault, Emmett. If you had never been born, your mom would still love me. You demand too much love from her, there is none left for me, you selfish bastard._

_Don't…don't touch me when your father is nearby._

_Why do I have to go to boarding school, Mamma? I want to stay here with you._

_Well, we don't want you here, Emmett. Your mom and I have better things to do then mind after you constantly._

_Goodbye, Momma. I love you._

_Goodbye, Emmett. Goodbye._

_I watched with a shattered heart as she turned without a second glance and walked out of my life._

She never loved me, he never wanted me. My years in boarding school had taught me well. In four years I had seen my parents once. In four years I had spoke to them, maybe, a handful of times. In four years I learned to fend for myself. Maybe not in the most conventional way. But, in the only way I could manage. Dealing, cheating, stealing, and keeping my enemies even closer than my friends - if you could even call them that, and shutting down anything even remotely close to emotion within me.

Essentially, I had become a black hole, with a body and a heartbeat, but void of any humanity. Or, at least, that is what I thought till I met Rosie.

Rosie brought out something in me that scared the shit right out of me. I began to feel things I had long ago convinced myself were not real. Obviously they were. The quickening of one's heart beat when seeing the object of one's affection. The clamminess of one's hands when nervous because of said one's attention. The telltale lump that would rise in one's throat when telling a lie that would normally come easily, but now seemed to hurt just to speak it out loud. The overbearing feeling of guilt when hurting one's feelings or crushing one's hopes. The staggering, gut wrenching, all consuming pain when said one walks out the door; leaving you behind because of something you did to elicit this exact reaction from her for her own good.

I began to do things I swore I'd never do. But, still, I did them. Like holding her hand just because it felt good. Running my fingers through her hair because, oddly enough, it calmed me. Or kissing the crown of her head when she was sleeping, 'cause I loved the electric tingle the contact sent haywire throughout my body. Crying for her loss, for her pain, for what could never be, yet I always wanted, yearned for, but knew I would never deserve, never be worthy of.

The night she showed up on my doorstep popped, unwanted, into my head. Her at my door with her face all blotchy; tears steaming like rivers down her swollen cheeks. Her eyes, oh my God, the pain and fear that radiated there was enough to cause my stomach to clench painfully. I had been so scared, thinking someone had hurt her and knowing, all too well, what I would do to that someone. No one was allowed to hurt her, except me, apparently.

The way she had hiccupped out my name when I demanded to know who had hurt her. The unbridled anger that coursed through my veins, like an automatic reflex – reaction was frightening. Of course I had hurt her, I always did. But why bring it up now? And why look so damn distraught about something she knew about me all along?

Then she whimpered those three little words, and my world came crashing to a halt.

The mixture of pain, anger, fear, and happiness combined was too much for this man, who had all but ceased feeling any sort of emotion, and caused something inside me to erupt. My chest had tightened as if someone were clenching it, trying to force the life out of it. My vision blurred with tears that had long been pooling up within me, unleashing with a force that could not be reckoned with. With those three words, Rosalie Hale had broken the broken man. I crumpled before her and sobbed into her chest. I wailed like a baby needing its mommy and let out everything I had bottled up for over a decade. She never left my side; she held me through the whole thing; her comforting me; it should have been the other way around. I held her that night, tightly in my arms, and told her having a baby wasn't an option right now. And when I knew she was deeply asleep, I rubbed her soft tummy and imagined myself as a father, with her as my wife and loving mother. We would be kind to our child, show it all the love a child deserves to receive. I could see myself reading to my child at night, kissing it goodnight. Hell, I even went so far as to pick the gender, I decided it was a boy and we would name him Emmett Junior, 'cause that made me feel like I had a name worth passing on. And he would be beautiful, perfect even, with Rosie's soft blond curls and my dimples. I feel asleep that night hating myself more than I ever had before and woke the next morning with new resolve. I would make Rosie see I was no good for her, 'cause she needed to leave me, and I was just too weak to leave her.

I crawled across the floor, my legs to weak to carry my weight. I could see the large bottle on the table in front of me. Just a few more inches… With the 40 oz bottle held firmly in my shaky hands, I fumbled with the cap, screwing it off and whipping it across the room, the sound of it banging off of the window echoing throughout the empty room. I shuddered as memories bombarded me, desperate to rid myself of them, if only momentarily, I tilted my head back and chugged a good quarter of the bottle in one long haul.

My eyes watered and my throat objected, constricting and gagging, but I wasn't having it. I clamped my mouth shut and let the burning sensation work its magic. I propped my limp body up against the wall and dug through my jacket pockets until my fingers closed around the cigarette package. I popped a single smoke out and placed it between my wet lips, flicking at the Zippo till it caused the tip to glow a beautiful amber color. My lungs absorbed the nicotine in desperate gasps. Needing the sensation only a Marlboro could give.

With heavy eyes I took in my surroundings, destruction was everywhere. During a fit of rage I had tossed everything my hands had come in contact with against something else. Shards of glass lay about the room. I was sure I could feel some digging into my thighs as they rested on the hard floor. Papers, books, magazines were strewn about. Chairs toppled, furniture overturned. Scraps of material covered just about everything the broken glass didn't, and in the middle of it all stood one solitary item, untouched, unhindered. Looking at it caused immense pain, not looking at it made me feel like a gaping hole had taken up residency in my chest. But either one, looking or not, the absence the item reminded me constantly of was staggering to my very core.

I had gone to the school a few days after the shooting. Raged like a mad man on the front lawn near the memorial they had set up for the ones they had lost. But only one mattered to me. The one staring back at me from the middle of the room. I had, without a second thought, taken the large bulletin board covered in my Rosie's breath taking smile. I didn't bother tearing the blown up picture off the board. I took the whole damn thing. And now it stood in my living room, the only thing remaining unscathed, taunting me, teasing me with the one I needed more than anything, who was now nowhere I could reach.

Everything I had spent so many years building for myself, all my resources, all my connections, all my money, none of it could do a damn thing to give me back the one thing, the_ only_ thing, that could bring me happiness.

A tortured sound escaped my tight throat, coming out sounding like what I knew a dying animal sounded like in its last breaths.

"Rosie…Rosie, baby, I need you. I am so sorry, so very sorry. I love you beautiful. I love you," I wailed to the smiling picture in front of me.

Tipping the bottle to my lips I chugged back another insane amount of the burning liquid. Aww... The burning sting felt right, felt real. Nothing had felt real to me since the day I found out she was gone. Nothing. It was like I was living in an alternate reality. One without a single other human being on the planet. Just me, alone, walking this earth with a shattered heart I never knew I had to shatter in the first place.

It was ironic, wasn't it? The one thing I never thought I had to break was the one and only thing that had ever broken on me. And I deserved it, oh, how I deserved it. But my Rosie didn't deserve her untimely demise. She was young; she was beautiful; she was talented and compassionate. She was smart and witty. She was strong, yet sensitive. She was perfection rolled into one amazing body with the most phenomenal never-ending blue eyes.

_She was gone._

A deep guttural wail echoed throughout the room, startling me momentarily, till I realized it had come from me. My head swam with thoughts, memories, and dizziness.

On legs I did not think would work anymore, I crawled off of the floor, staggered across the room and flung the closet door open. Rummaging through the top shelf as items fell in a heap around me until I found the one thing I was looking for; the one thing that could take it all away, the emptiness, the pain, the sorrow, the mourning…the absence of her.

I snatched the cardboard replica of my lost love up and brought it with me into the bedroom. I swear this was the one room where her scent still lingered; I doubled over in pain every time I entered it, which had been more and more often as the days drew on. I grabbed a pen and notepad from the bedside table and dropped onto the unmade bed. I propped my cardboard Rosie against the headboard, staring longingly into her blue depths as I scrawled my last thoughts to the only person on this earth I thought deserved an explanation.

Through burning eyes and a torrent of tears I somehow managed to get the words out, the words I had been dying to say for so long now, and now that I could, they seemed hollow… useless.

_No matter how broken, no matter how distorted my view on reality was. All my wrong decisions, all my mistakes, all of my sins. None of it, ever, was enough to stop me from loving her. I did what I thought was best for her. I pushed her away to protect her from the evil, life-sucking, pathetic shell of a human I had become. But always know that she was my light, my one constant, perfect thought. I never forgot, I never moved on, I never got over her. I was only barely strong enough to pretend, and I even failed miserably at that._

_I am leaving now, to be washed free of my sins, to move on and forward. I hope I get to see her, even if for just a moment, to tell her how sorry I am and how much I truly loved her._

_Live, Bella, live the life you deserve, the life Rosie should have also had. Be happy. For you, for her, for her memory._

I let the pen drop from my hand with a soft thud as it bounced on the carpet near my feet. With one unsteady hand caressing her cheeks on the cold hard cardboard, I brought the other one up and cocked the gun. I didn't allow myself to think for even a moment about what I was doing. I didn't want to lose my resolve. I didn't want to come up with some non-existent reason to live without her in this world.

I gently applied pressure to the trigger and took one last look at Rosie's glowing smile before clenching my eyes shut.

"I love you, Rosie."

Garbled images of her beautiful smile and my memories conjuring up the sound of her soft sighs was all it took to push me to press the trigger.

**The End!**

**As always, I would love to hear from you. xx**

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Final Note:

That's it, there ain't no more. I can't express my gratitude enough for all the readers and reviewers that stuck by me and gave this twisted fic a chance, supported me, and encouraged me. You wonderful ppl are the only thing that makes this crazy tolerable.

From the bottom of my angsty dark heart, I thank you.

Mambomama, Fragile Human, and lindsi loolabell…you three are my rocks, you show me that good decent ppl still do exist in this world. I love you three so bloddy f'ing much it's pathetic. Thanks for being there for me.

Angie, Annette and Lisa….. you girls are just plain fuckawesome and super supportive and gahhhh…..this is way too damn sentimental and mushy for me. Lurvs all three of ya. Thanks for being so wonderific and putting up with my angsty ass.

Finally, I am considering taking a break from the craziness and sometimes rather immature FF world. And, no, nothing has happened to me. But friends on FF, I listen and hear what they say, when they are ripped apart by the so-called 'big authors' on here and it tears at me. I hate having to wonder in an online world, where we are all supposed to have the same passion, what is real, who is real, and who to be wary of. It hurts my heart - yeah yeah- guess I ain't so emotionless, afterall. I have not come to a decision yet. And I want to pump out as many chaps of current fics as I can before that ever happens. So I am trying. Please try to understand. And hopefully... maybe....I will choose to stay, just be more secluded and loner-like?

Oh, and before I forget, for those of you who celebrate Easter - Happy Easter - Mwah~


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